Okay here is the rest of that conversation, just a few things, this is the sister that studied with me for a good three years, I have known her since I was 14, and she is the only person that I have ever talked to about any of my doubts, a few months ago I told her that I had not been to meetings because I did not feel at home at the hall anymore, she suggested I go to another hall and I never got a call from an elder so I don’t think she spoke to them about that conversation. So I felt okay telling her the following, I thought maybe she would keep this private but I was wrong, so here it goes.
Jw: Lola how is your relationship with Jehovah?
Me: I don’t have a relationship with him.
JW: do you pray?
Me: No, I haven’t prayed in a very long time.
Jw: well, girl, have you gone back to the basics?
Me: What do you mean?
Jw: have you asked yourself, is there a God? Is the Bible the word of God?
Me: not really, all I have really thought about is that Jehovah is not a very loving god, I don’t understand how a loving god could destroy billions of people, I just don’t get it.
Jw: well you really have to go back and ask yourself those two questions, do you believe in god and do you believe in the bible?
Me: What if I do that and come to the conclusion that there is no god, and that I don’t believe in the Bible?
Jw: and then what? Do you really think we all got here by some sort of mistake?
Me: I really don’t know.
Jw: look at the other religions Lola, when you do you will see that we do have the truth, go into any church and you will see how wrong they are.
**at this point I giggle, hey I couldn’t help it**
Me: I can’t do that.
Jw: what do you mean?
Me: oh come on, you now that if I went into a church and began asking questions I would get Dfed.
Jw: Well you can go to the library and do some research.
Me: I might, I’m sorry I’m telling you all this but you asked me to be honest with you, and I have always tried to be honest with you.
Jw: I know.
***I think this is where it all went wrong, but I respect this woman and I did not want to lie to her anymore, I think I was just ready to tell someone how I felt, it was time***
Me: Do you remember the Dateline special a few years ago?
Jw: Yes.
Me: Well I watched it.
JW: so did I. (Okay I must admit that surprised me)
Me: it really bothered me, but I dismissed it, I thought to myself “hey the elders are not perfect they make mistakes, things could be worse we could be like the Catholics.”
Jw: You are right.
Me: then a about two years ago I went online to look for the company that makes the service supplies, and instead I found a disassociation letter a woman had written and I knew I should not read it but I did and it broke my heart.
Jw: why did it bother you so much?
Me: because she was so mistreated by the congregation. Well a few days later I went back online to look for that letter and instead I found a website and I looked at it and JW I realized that it wasn’t just the people on dateline that had been hurt by their congregation and it wasn’t just that woman that wrote that letter, now it was hundreds and hundreds of people that told the same story, I couldn’t ignore that the way I ignored Dateline.
Jw: Now let me stop you right there, you know there is only one website that the society approves of, you have got to stop looking at those websites, they are apostates the worst of the worst all they want to do is get people out of the truth. And if you listen to what they have to say and leave the truth what will you have? What will they give you? You can’t believe everything you read Lola; they put lies out there to mislead people.
Jw: I’m not stupid, I don’t believe everything I read but I also don’t believe that hundreds of people are lying, some maybe, but not all. You know when I became inactive no one from the congregation called to see what was going on, not one shepherding call. I went from pioneer to inactive in a matter of a few months and the elders did not care enough to pick up the phone and see if I was still alive, and yet I’m expected to believe that these are the same people that would die for me? Can you see why I’m having a hard time?
Jw: Well Lola you have to stop making excuses. You are responsible for your relationship with Jehovah and no one else is, sure the elders did not call you but they have so much to do, things like that happen.
Me: You are right. I can’t blame anyone else for the choices that I have made, and the truth is that my heart just isn’t into this any more, it has not been for almost two years.
Jw: Look first you have to stop looking at those websites and just come to the memorial even if you feel funny and confused inside, just go to the memorial, don’t fool around with that. Hey why don’t you come to meeting with me tomorrow?
***silence**
Jw: okay just let me know if you want to go in the morning, okay?
Me: sure, I will let you know. Thanks for the call.
** I talked to her Saturday night, by Sunday afternoon an elder had called and wanted to know if I would be at the memorial, I said I would not be there and he said that the BOE would like to meet with me, he asked me to call him back to arrange for a meeting**
Lola ( sorry this got so long guys)