by ballistic 22 Replies latest jw friends
It is not too hard to read the book of Jonah as a work of satire.
Actually the funniest and most satirical thing in all of ancient Jewish literature is the Alphabet of Ben Sira. It had the kind of humor you'd find in a Farrally Brothers movie....farts, masturbation (i.e. the prophet Jeremiah masturbated in a bath house, his daughter bathed in the water after him, and oops! she gets pregnant), musings on urination, etc.
I can just imagine those of the way grinning away when he tells this story about what would be the best care for those who cause little ones to sin - huge burdens in the sea of man - and the pharisee bunch cr$pping their pants - it's funny now even:
Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung round his neck and he were thrown into the sea
Here's some funny things that kids say:
CHILDREN WRITE LETTERS TO GOD
Dear GOD, I read the Bible. What does ’begat’ mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Alison.
Dear GOD, Are you really invisible or is that just a trick? -Lucy
Dear GOD, Is it true my father won’t get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? -Anita
Dear GOD, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? Norma
Dear GOD, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones You have now? -Jane
Dear GOD, Who draws the lines around the countries? -Nan
Dear GOD, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil
Dear GOD, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. -Jane
Dear GOD, Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you?" Because if you did, then I’m going to fix my brother. -Darla
Dear GOD, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. -Joyce
Dear GOD, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. Your friend (But I am not going to tell you who I am)
Dear GOD, Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. -Tom L.
Dear GOD, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up. -Bruce
Dear GOD, If we come back as something - please don’t let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her. -Denise
Dear GOD, If You give me a genie lamp like Aladin, I will give you anything you want, except my money or my chess set. -Raphael
Dear GOD, My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha. -Danny
Dear GOD, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry
Dear GOD, I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over. -Sam
Dear GOD, You don’t have to worry about me. I always look both ways. -Dean
Dear GOD, I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. -Ruth M.
Dear GOD, I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. -Nan
Dear GOD, My brother told me about being born but it doesn’t sound right. They’re just kidding, aren’t they? -Marsha
Dear GOD, If You watch me in church Sunday, I’ll show You my new shoes. -Mickey D.
Dear GOD, I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. Love, Chris
Dear GOD, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea. Sincerely, Donna
Dear GOD: The bad people laughed at Noah - "You made an ark on dry land you fool." But he was smart, he stuck with You. That’s what I would do. -Eddie
Dear GOD, I do not think anybody could be a better GOD. Well, I just want You to know, but I am not just saying that because You are GOD already. -Charles
Dear GOD, I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool! -Eugene
I kind of like the Talking Ass story ...
My wife complains that my ass talks too much too ... she prefers I go into the other room when it talks.
Rub a Dub
One part of the bible that comes to mind is Leviticus 15:16-18.."16 Now in case a man has an emission of semen go out from him, he must bathe all his flesh in water and be unclean until evening. 17 And any garment and any skin upon which the emission of semen gets to be must be washed with water and be unclean until evening. 18 As for a woman with whom a man may lie down with an emission of semen, they must bathe with water and be unclean until evening"....we would chuckle at this when we were teens, especially when my brother had the biblle reading one friday night and this was part of the reading, lol.
Most of the tales in the bible are whimsical.
Sense of humor of God mostly appears as irony or sarcasm in bible. Typical example is Elia fight with priests of Baal... Elias words are "softened" in the translations. Also there were some other similar places, but I can't remember right now.
I dare any guy to read this one without saying "OUCH!:
(Leviticus 22:23-24) As for a bull or a sheep having a member too long or too short, you may make it a voluntary offering; but for a vow it will not be accepted with approval. But one having the testicles squeezed or crushed or pulled off or cut off YOU must not present to Jehovah, and in YOUR land YOU should not render them up.
Here's another one: Jeremiah 25:27 "And you must say to them, ‘This is what Jehovah of armies, the God of Israel, has said: "Drink and get drunk and puke and fall so that YOU cannot get up because of the sword that I am sending among YOU.. . .
And of course, we used to laugh our heads off whenever this one was read: 2 Corinthians 11:25 "...once I was stoned. ."
taken from SWALKERS post
Dear GOD, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up. -Bruce
lol
I knew this was your house !
lol
What's even stranger is that some parents would take weird Bible names to name their child.
I knew a JW boy my age who was called Dorcas. (Now I like the name because he was so nice and I had kind of a crush on him), but it is strange. His brother's name was Baltazar.hihi
Then there's Gwyneth Paltrow who named her son Moses. Sheesh
