Contact from my JW brother-in-law

by sass_my_frass 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • sass_my_frass
    sass_my_frass

    After my wedding I sent out an email to every non-witness I know and JW parents and a couple of siblings; the first group to stay in touch with old mates or turn near-strangers into friends in a time of needing them; the JW family group so that they'd know what's going on in our lives and how the wedding etc went and partly because I didn't want to be 'shunning' them; I wanted to be the one showing love and making an effort to maintain contact. I sent another out recently, I figure I'll make it a biannual report on the life and times of the Frass family. It's nothing at all controversial, just a 'what we're up to' email. Notably absent were any references to the meetings I'm not attending and the personal study and prayer I’m not engaged in.

    Anyway I just got this back from my brother-in-law and need some TLC….

    Thanks for that, but its not really appropriate for you to be communicating on such a casual basis with us, nor in such a public forum. Perhaps you could hold these messages for when you are reinstated, when we would love to hear all about it. In the meantime, could you please respect our beliefs and remove our email addresses from your mailing list?

    Please bear with me while I analyse this. Firstly; 'public forum'? The only names they knew on the email list were other siblings and our parents. Secondly; 'respect'? They want me to respect them for being loveless, hurtful and, somebody please give me some good words for what they're being? It's been a few weeks since I sent the email so they've probably all consulted and discussed how to handle this situation. How inconsiderate of me!

    I kind of knew it would happen, but thought they even if they have no love at all, they still might want to keep receiving them so that they can pretend to our non-JW family that they care what happens to us and avoid giving them the impression that they are, those words I can't think of. Maybe the tone of the emails were so upbeat and cheerful that they picked up on the general vibe on my life now; they might have got it sussed that I'm actually happy and can't handle it. More likely, they just feel compelled to play the JW game and don't see anything wrong with it.

    So, should I reply? Should I include the words 'actually I will never be reinstated into you insane cult'? I'm thinking that my reply will be the last communication I ever have with any of them, pending say a parent's funeral, so I know that I should be cheerful and upbeat. I want their last memory of me to at least have a chance at making them think.

    Anyway I just had to vent that out of my system with people who get it. I read it at work and chucked a massive wobbly and can't get over it. I'm still feeling really queasy.

  • jwfacts
    jwfacts

    That is terrible, it makes me seethe.

    As he has made his stand very clear I do think in this situation you need to let them know where you stand. Otherwise years could go by while they all sit waiting for your return whilst shunning you.
    I personally would send an email explaining that you will not be returning, but possibly without too much information. Tell them that you have spent considerable time researching the WTS and it was a difficult decision, but you no longer believe that they the WTS is directed by Jehovah nor does it accurately represent the message in the bible. Those that are interested can ask for more detail.
    It may be worth sending a different email individually to each one of them. The worst that can happen is they will continue shunning you. But there may be a chance you get at least some family members thinking.

  • caligirl
    caligirl

    Oh, how cold and unnecessary! (((sass))) I am so sorry.

    I'd reply to the email, telling them how happy you are and how complete your life is with your wonderful husband and that it is with great joy that you inform them that their fine example of love and affection has convinced you that you no longer wish to be reinstated because you have no wish to associate with people who have no natural affection and who bow to rules of men rather than God.

    If they are troubled by cutting you out of their lives and it causes them distress, then that is good. It means their conscience is warring against the dictates they are following.

    I also think you should tell them what you said in your post - that you expected no reply from them and only included them in the email as a courtesy because you thought they would want to be able to pretend that they care when talking to non-witness relatives. I'd tell them that copies of their email have been sent to all the non-witness relatives so that they will know that the witness end of the family has no interest in knowing anything about your life.

    Then I would recommend that you sit down and cuddle with your husband and talk about how lucky you are to be out of that hellish cult and how wonderful your life together is and will be.

  • Es
    Es

    Oh thats terrible hun im so so sorry. I remember that email im pretty sure you sent that one to me too. It sounded fantastic like your having a great time in your life. They are prob very jealous, i mean how many a really happy in the truth?

    Im here for you babe, look forward to seeing you on the 22nd

    big hugs

    es

  • What-A-Coincidence
    What-A-Coincidence





    Psychologically, the WT has taught it's members that when one drifts away, that that one has no life. So once you relate to them how you have MANY FRIENDS, A PURPOSEFUL LIFE, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU HAVE PEACE OF MIND ...bla bla bla (all the things that psychologically go against what the WT says about dfd people) you will create a disturbance in their thinking when an article or talk comes up about disfellowshipped ones. Their neural path has been carved out by the WT... df = bad life. But now you will have created a different neural path (how can df=bad life when x is telling me that df=good life).

    Cause if you tell them off, their thinking about df ones will be confirmed ... df = bad personality. MESS WITH THEIR BRAINS WITHOUT THEM KNOWING. THAT IS HOW WE GOT JACKED IN THE 1ST PLACE!!!

    WAC OUT.

  • Dr Jekyll
    Dr Jekyll

    Sass your BIL is a prize Jerk !

    What is strange is that rather than your sister saying this he took it upon himself to push you out into the cold not your sister. Carry on chatting to your sister, address Emails to her but dont cc them with the other people. Hes obviously a spiritual snob who saw all the other people you'd emailed the same email too and decided "to make a stand for Jehovah" !

    So, should I reply? Should I include the words 'actually I will never be reinstated into you insane cult'?

    Naaaaaaa, don't antagonise the jerk any further, don't give him ammunition to fire at your sister and cut you off with, namely that you are a "satanic apostate who wants to drag his wife away from Jehovah and him". Don't prove him right.

    Just address your emails to your sister now now on.

    Ps

    next time you go visit your sister plant some porno mags under his side of the bed

    lol

  • Crumpet
    Crumpet


    Sass

    I put myself in your shoes receiving that cold cruel remote and unfeeling email and leapt back out immediately. I know just how you are feeling - its horrible - it really is and no words can really give sufficient comfort. It makes you feel like you are something dirty, wrong or nasty doesn't it when you do something loving, human and normal as you have done with your email family newsletter and someone turns around and replies that you are behaving inappropriately - your loving gesture less welcome than dogpoo to those who should - if they had any "natural affection" love you back.

    I think you should reply - yes it may be your last correspondence so give it a lot of thought and in giving that thought and replying in dignity and continued love it will help cleanse you from the unpleasant smear and taint of this disgraceful and inhuman repsonse from BIL.

    Hugs

    crumpet

  • ObservingTexan
    ObservingTexan

    "Conditional love" is actually a "bible" based concept....... the "Satanic bible" that is.

  • ObservingTexan
    ObservingTexan
    next time you go visit your sister plant some porno mags under his side of the bed

    Dr. J........... GAY porn would be even better!

  • lisavegas420
    lisavegas420

    What if you forwarded his email back to him....with a copy of it to everyone else on your list....and ask if he's the only one that feels this way or are there others.

    lisa

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