I'm in love with a Jehovah Witness, Is it really a losing battle?

by icon 32 Replies latest social relationships

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  icon

  I have been reading all of the feed back for saddler and the others. I too have been in a relationship with a jw for a little over a year. I love her very much but all the abuse i have taken over the pass year from her elders, uncles, grandfather...etc has really taken it's toll on me. we are the same or compatible in so many ways yet this one issue seems to be bigger then life it's self. The part that kills me is that people in their hall is allowed to cause trouble in our relationship.

  I have heard that after you get married they would get off our backs, but i feel that if she can stand by her feelings for me now; how can she than? She says that she loves me and i believe her. she told me she wants to marry me but she has to have a hall wedding. This doesn't make since to me because i have told her many times b4 that i will not convert to her faith.

  My heart loves her a great deal, but my mind has grown tired of the games and hatred that has been shown towards me by her family and hall members.
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  sixsixsixtynine

  I have heard that after you get married they would get off our backs

  Maybe so. But they will never completely welcome you into their family, or treat you like an equal.

  Unless she can see it for the cult that it is, and leaves, you will have constant friction in your marriage.

  Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
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  undercover

  I have heard that after you get married they would get off our backs

  Maybe so. But they will never completely welcome you into their family, or treat you like an equal.

  Absolutely true. You'll always be an outsider, a "worldly" person.

  She will not have a wedding in the hall. With you anyway. To be married in the hall you'd have to become, at the least, an approved associate. That would mean studying with them, accepting the faith, maybe even sharing in their door to door work.

  Think about this also: Say she drops the matter for now, even to the point of becoming inactive in the religion. You get married outside of the hall, everything seems fine. Later she could decide that she wants to go back. She becomes active again, she then puts pressure on you to attend or join. You have no intention of doing so. It could lead to big marital problems. Then, what if you have kids? What faith will they be raised in? And all the pressure you can envision from your wife? Triple it. Triple it again. Because her JW family will add to it. The elders will add to it. Everything she does as a JW will add to the pressure.

  If you've grown tired of the games, just wait...it gets worse later.

  I always hate to give advice on these "I love a JW" threads, but on this one, I see that you've already figured out it isn't working. So, despite my normal reluctance to avoid advice, I'm gonna say, "run". You're getting into a real mess by dating/marrying a JW. But, if you decide to leave, let her know what your really feel and think. You owe her the truth at least.
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  cyd0099

  Let's see;
  Your pre-marital behavior will be scrutinized and punished if you misbehave and don't lie. This will follow you as it is recorded in her publisher records.
  
  You will experience alternating bouts of attempts to convert you and utter alienation as a threat to your wife's spirituality.
  
  There are rules as to what you can do in bed, didja know that? And the WTS™ are experts at laying down a guilt trip that will end up driving her to the elders™ to confess. Then you are branded a pervert.
  
  They will intrude on every aspect of your lives. You will know no peace.
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  beautifulisfree

  I am glad my 'worldy' husband didn't listen to all his friends/family and get out of our witness/non-witness relationship. However, I never wanted a hall wedding or did I ever care what the congergation thought of me. If your girlfriend wants a hall wedding she is basically saying that she wants you to become a witness and a very spititual one at that...it is absolutly true that if you even became a witness today and got married it could NOT be in the hall. I suggest buying a copy of CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE by Raymond Franz and accidently leave it out....if she sees it and goes ballistic then I would get out of the relationship...because there is no way you will win this battle . I just wish my husband would of shown or known about the book right away in our relationship so we didn't have to go through such he!!.
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  Dr Jekyll

  
  Icon,

  Unfortunately when you get involved with a witness the relationship isn't just about you two (with maybe an awkward mother in law thrown in) its about you, her and the rest of the congregation. Even after your married the rest of the congregation will still be involved in your relationship to one degree or another.

  We're all brothers and sisters, just one big happy family (not)
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  icon

  Thanks for your replies,since alot of you guys are x witnesses can you tell me (if there is such a thing) a way to make her see the wrong in the way that WT treats people. I thought God was a God of love ( That's what the bible says ) and still i have yet to feel any love from her family and the friends. I don't understand how her mother can feel that way about me when she has asked me to be her bussiness partner about 6 months ago.She talks about how good of a person i am and how she loves the fact that she can trust me, yet she says things like " I can't give this marrage my blessing." I feel that the mom and dad is letting me hang around as long as I can be of some benefit to them ( needs my help to start new company) and as soon as they don't need me they are going to turn up the heat to have me removed from the picture. I just can't see how my girlfriend can't see through all this garbage.
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  love11

  Hi- I am an ex- jw and have been married for nearly twelve years now to my "worldly" boyfriend.

  I'm going to be straight up with you; for you two to work out, she has to make drastic changes. She still dreams of having the "perfect" witness wedding, yet she's dating an unbeliever. Her family and community at the hall is so much a part of her life that she lets them interfer, yet she's rebelling by being with you.

  She has to make up her mind what kind of life she wants.

  And more importantly, you have to pick the girl that "fits" the kind of life you want. Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you'll love your life with them.

  I wish you the best.
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  What-A-Coincidence

  many of us were long timers in the wt dogma before we saw the light. i served as elder and worked at the headquarters of the jw's for a decade. some see the quackery right away some don't.

  to illustrate: belief in the Watchtower = table top

  ideas...false or half truths that support the table top = legs

  What type of ideas (legs) are supporting that table top?

  Find out ... what makes her really believe in the Watchtower ... take notes. Come back to us

  Those (ideas) legs will have to be replaced or removed one at a time... if we can remove those legs the table top (belief in the WT will be removed) thus happiness.

  Keep us posted.
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  jgnat

  The problem with your girl is that she wants to have her cookie and eat it too.

  we are the same or compatible in so many ways yet this one issue seems to be bigger then life it's self.

  For any active JW, the society is more important than life. And marriage. And family. And you.

  The part that kills me is that people in their hall is allowed to cause trouble in our relationship.

  If you were engaged to a girl who constantly preferred her parents over you, what would that signal for your married life? A constant tug-of-war with the in-laws for her affection. You end up hating the parents. It's the same with JW's and their congregation "family". If she caves now, she'll keep caving to the congregation will after you are married.

  she told me she wants to marry me but she has to have a hall wedding.

  Now HERE she's dreaming. The only way THAT would happen is if you became a JW for her. I hope you aren't considering THAT. We've got enough judgemental people in the world already.

  How about an ultimatum? The society or you. That might help her realize what she's about to give up. Or not.