this is what I did at the Memorial

by Synergy 33 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Synergy
    Synergy

    First I went to the blood center and gave blood. I got the "I Gave" sticker. I also wore my cross necklace and walked in the doors speaking to everyone like I never left. I sure did get some weird and rude looks. I was asked by an elder to sit down in the back room instead of walk about in the common areas where everyone else was. I said, "I'll sit down when everyone else sits down when it starts, thank you." When they passed the bread and wine I crossed myself like I was Catholic and partook. I thought the elders would sh** a brick! I also wrote checks that I put in the contribution box and in the date section I wrote 1914, 1925, 1975, then in the Pay To The Order Of field I wrote, Jehovah's Witnesses, hide pedophiles, I was sexually molested you did nothing. My father told me to kill myself. You make 1 billion dollars per year. You will get none of my money and I signed it. Instead of printing them off the site I decided to use my real bank checks.

    Ok here's the Readers Digest version of my story. I have a HUGE thank you to everyone who posts on this board. In 2002 I was disfellowshipped and I thought I'd come back but just never could get the motivation to do so. I believed Jehovah would just kill me but I just couldn't go back to it. So I was married to my JW husband and we had two little kids. Finally after too much pressure to go to the meetings and come back I decided to go one last time. On Superbowl Sunday 2005 just over a year ago I got on my knees on Sunday morning and said..

    "Jehovah this is your one chance. I'm going to the Kingdom Hall today and I want an answer before I leave. You have to show me one of three things. 1. This is the "Truth" and you want me to come back. 2. This is the "Truth" and you don't want me to come back. or 3. This isn't the "Truth" then show me where to go. Now I'm going to get up and put my dress on and go. God you have two hours and I want a sign." The CO was in town and I thought for sure if there was anything to feel it would be that day. So I went. I didn't feel anything for two hours and then the meeting was over. Afterward a sister comes up to introduce herself because she didn't know who I was. Another sister runs up to her and says "She's disfellowshipped." Right in front of me! The other lady ran like she saw a ghost. I looked up at the KH ceiling and Said "Thank You. that was my sign." This Isn't the truth You don't want me here. Then I got in the car and said "now show me where to go." Long story short I did a lot of research and a lot of that research came from this site. I must have read the new testement three times in three different bibles in a one month span. I searched hard and prayed harder and I became a real christian with no denomination and no silly rules. Just love god love others and you're ok. I am now doing as much as I can to help others get out of the cult and I am also writing a book which I hope to release next year. Of the Witness life growing up I can say I was severely abused and I'm one of those Dr. Phil / Oprah stories. Sexually abused and because of the two witness rule the pedophile was hidden. Physically beaten by my father and drug by my hair all in the name of God. He was an elder. Crazy stuff but I won't bombard this post with all that. I just wanted to say hello and tell everyone here that you have been so helpful in your ministry to tell the world the TRUTH about the CULT of Jehovah's Witnesses. I have been able to share the information on here with so many people and it has helped them ease guilt, shame and dispair. I owe so much to everyone who takes the time to post stories, comments, personal experiences and research on here. It is not in vain. Please keep up your ministry.

    Renee Clevenger, Tallahassee, FL

  • Mrs.Congeniality
    Mrs.Congeniality

    My heart is saddened when I read about your childhood. I am sooo sorry that this happened to you. I too am very glad for this site. I was raised a JW. Although my story is completely opposite, I was raised in a leave it to beaver home. Everything was good. I cant believe all the abuse that goes on in what is supposed to be Jehovahs org. Good luck with raising your children. I now live my life as you mentioned. Love God and others and we will be ok. Thanks for sharing your story.

    Agape

  • candidlynuts
    candidlynuts

    Hi Renee

    sounds like you've had a rough time of it and its so great to hear how well your doing now!

    the strength of women who have lived thru abuse amazes me.

    i look forward to hearing more of your story. welcome !

  • damselfly
    damselfly

    ((((Rennee))) I doubt I was a poster that helped you, unless it was a laugh in a fluff thread but I'm glad and proud of anyone of this board that did. They have helped me more then they know.

    God you have two hours and I want a sign."

    Ballsy girl, what if ?! lol!

    Is that you giving blood in your pic?

    Dams

  • MerryMagdalene
    MerryMagdalene

    WOWI'm in awe!!!

    Welcome, Renee

    I look forward to reading more from you. I'm sorry to hear of your traumatic experiences in "the truth." Glad you are free and are here. Good luck with the bookMaybe we'll see you on tv someday...

    ~Merry

  • MinisterAmos
    MinisterAmos

    HI

    Thanks for the story. You look pretty hot. Are you married_

  • MinisterAmos
    MinisterAmos

    HI

    Thanks for the story. You look pretty hot. Are you married_

  • fullofdoubtnow
    fullofdoubtnow

    Hi Renee and welcome to the board

    Thank you for sharing your story. You have been through so much, and I am so happy that things are getting better for you now.

  • ObservingTexan
    ObservingTexan

    What a FANTASTIC testimony of where you have been and where you are now. I'm going to print out your post and give it to my DF'd 19 year old friend. She was DF'd 6 months ago, but still attends the mind control meetings most of the time. I have the pleasure of loving her UNCONDITIONALLY.... a concept that is completely new to her. It's making a difference...... your testimony is icing on the cake though. Thanks!

    OT.....

  • lovelylil
    lovelylil

    I read your story with tears in my eyes. I will support your book in any way I can. I was a victim of sex abuse too and physical but not as a Jehovahs Witness. I also had a similiar experience with prayer before I left the Witnesses. (after 12 years as one and pioneer) My husband wanted to leave me since I was the one who wanted to leave at first. This was scary becuase I have an auto immune disorder and have not been able to work in over five years and also have two young kids. I knew I would loose my home and not even be able to live where I do now. My kids were devestated because this is the only area they know. My son was very upset thinking daddy was leaving, etc. To make a long story short, I was going to commit suicide. I also prayed for three months for God to show me if this was the truth or not. Anyway, the day I decided to kill myself, because I had not gotten an answer, a sister from the KH happened to call me. She is an elders wife and lives right ACROSS the street from me! Anyway, I emphasis this for a reason. It seems she was not calling becuase she had not seen me in weeks, but she needed a phone number. (by the way right before her call I had prayed one last time also). While we were on the phone, she told me I did not sound good at all. I told her I was not well, depressed and wanted to commit suicide. In the middle of my sentence, she got a beep on her phone. She told me to hold on. A few seconds later she came onto the phone and I swear to God said to me "this is important, I have to take it. Goodbye". And hung up. Never to call me again. Now, if that is not proof that something is wrong with those people, I don't know what is. I believe now she was so hung up on HERSELF and the phone number she wanted and had no interest in calling me otherwise, that she was not even listening to what I was saying. Talk about AGAPE love???????? At that moment I knew God answered me and I had no worries that he would take care of me too.

    Glad you are out. Bless you. The best thing I did was leave. My husband decided to leave shortly after when I left NOT ONE person even asked my husband what happened or supported him in any way. So he stopped bringing the kids too. This was maybe a few months after me. Now, I read the bible, pray by myself and hang out with other TRUE Christians and other supportive people like on this site. God bless you, you will be in my prayers.

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