Need Some Help Understanding

by Broken Hearted 31 Replies latest jw friends

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  lovelylil

  There is no way he can have a relationship with you UNLESS you too become a Jehovahs Witness. And then you will be in the cult too. I have seen this happen to many people. They think they are in love and decide to become a Witness but then their life is in total turmoil, like someone said already, turned completely upside down.

  They do not think like normal people outstide of the cult. They believe ONLY they are approved by God and their worship is the only on Gods accepts. If you become a witness, the elders will be involved in every aspect of your life including: how you dress, style of hair you have (a white sister was once asked to remove the beads in her hair as they thought it was inappropriate for her race), how you dicipline your children, what type of job you have, who your friends can be, what holidays you can celebrate - answer NONE. They will even reccomend that you not get together with "worldly" (anyone not JW) relatives. You will also be spied on by people who you think are your true friends. this is encouraged greatly.

  think about this: the Witnesses are basically waiting for 99.99% of the world to be destroyed and for birds to pick the flesh off their bones right in front of them, (because they will not be burying any of us) and they are going to REJOICE in seeing that. I am not making this up, all the ex Witnesses here can tell you that is what they are waiting for. I know because I was one of them. And they will not pity innocent children either because they think this is righteous judgement on Gods part. They are told only then will they have their paradise with ONLY Jehovahs Witnesses. Many of us upon leaving have to come to terms of the complete HORROR of what we thought was truth. Sorry if this sounds harsh but please beware. If God is really answering your prayers, he will use you to help this person see that he is in a cult and needs to get out. But please, if you even consider for a second on joining him, please remember the words of everyone here. If we could all turn back time, we would have taken a very different road. With Love, Lilly
• 

  prophecor

  
  

  Hi Broken Hearted. Prepare yourself for the ultimate fight of your life. If you choose to continue in this relationship. It can be nearly impossible to nail down an effective, working relationship with those who are within the walls of the Kingdom Hall. Even for those who come out and have been out for sometime, it can prove to be nearly impossible. I've been out for nearly 15 years. The religion still has an effect on me as to my belief structures, as opposed to what most churches push.

  I've been married to someone not of the fellowship and she has been in the presence of a Mad Man. I honestly don't know how she stays with me from year to year, but unless he fully removes from himself all vestiges of the things that he's been indoctrinated with, you'll have an uphill fight upon your hands. What appears to from God can and often does come with a hefty price tag. You may be paying with your life with this one for the rest of yours. However you decide, I wish nothing but the best for the both of you. I hope that you can handle the insanity once it rears its uguly head.
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  pudgey1

  Hey

  Sorry to hear what a rough time your going through.

  I was involved with a JW and just yesturday ended it and altough i do love him i feel relieved. Like most have already said being involved with a JW will just mess with your emotions. Its not easy to let go of someone you love but just because you love someone doesnt mean it was meant to be.

  Whatever you do please dont join the organisation for him.....research it look around on this site and you will see what it is really all about.

  This site is also a great comfort it has been for me. I wish you well.

  pudgey1

  X
• 

  serendipity

  Welcome pudgey1!
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  jgnat

  Welcome, pudgey! Boy, that must have been really hard, letting your loved-one go.
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  pudgey1

  Hey jgnat/serendipity

  It was extremely hard...i miss him terribly but i think its for the best. He's not even baptized and none of his family are in the truth but he is really deep into it. He said he loves me but to be honest i never though he would go as far as leave the organisation to be with me so i think ive made the best decision to end it now rather then get hurt even more in the future. Plus i dont want a whole congregation involved in my relationship!!

  Because he has been brain washed into thinking everyone outside the org is evil its like banging your head against a brick wall. Ive had enough of giving my all to men and only getting a small amount back. Id rather just keep looking and find someone who will love me completely....its not easy to find someone but im not giving up yet

  pudgey1
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  jgnat

  Plus i dont want a whole congregation involved in my relationship!!

  Ain't that the truth! My JW husband has been approached by the elders several times to offer assistance if he's in any sort of trouble, but any time he's spoken up, they've either told him it's his problem for "marrying outside the truth", or disciplined him. One elder grimly told my hubby, "She is not as supportive as she appears."

  Does that sound like assistance?
• 

  pudgey1

  Elders are so patronising!

  I was actually an unbaptized publisher and i had to have a meeting with them because of 'loose conduct' they told me that a spiritual brother would not have done what my ex did and not to see him again. I was like and what does that make me then!!

  How long have you been married jgnat. It must be really hard for you...

  pudgey1
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  jgnat

  Yes, hard. I'm in to my third year.

  Where I hope I differ than some of the lovelorn posters here, is that my hubby and I did a lot of talking before we committed to marriage. He was inactive when we met. We talked about and negotiated EVERYTHING. I see a distressing pattern of secretiveness with JW boyfriends and girlfriends. They don't tell the entire truth to either their partner, their parents, or to the Kingdom Hall. My husband has a frank personality that is rather endearing, even if he gives the elders fits. He had no illusions of retaining a good standing at the hall when he married me. I had done my research and knew what I was getting in to.

  Also, my children are grown. There will be no arguments on how to raise the children. I don't think I would have committed to him if I was thinking of having a family with him. The risk is my own to bear.
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  Scully

  First off I want to say I know God sent this man to me, Won't go into detail but I just know deep in my heart he did.

  I only have a few questions for you about this statement: Why would "God" send you someone, whom, by "God's" standards, you are not entitled to? Why would "God" send you a married man, who would "cheat" on his own wife by entering an emotional relationship/affair with you in order to break the vows they made together before "God"?

  Frankly, if "God" did that to me, I'd be pretty pissed at "Him". I'm not into having my heart trampled on by anyone, much less by "God".

  Are you some kind of a masochist? It sure sounds like it to me. Why would you want to have this kind of pain in order to secure any amount of pleasure? Why would you want to be involved with someone who is going to hurt someone else whom he promised and vowed to love "until death do us part"? This is the biggest red flag, if you ask me (I know you didn't, but I'm just sayin' is all). If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you.

  Just because you pray for someone or something every night, doesn't mean that "God" is answering your prayers in the way you expect, or hope for. If I prayed for something and a married man came along, I'd be thinking that "God" was telling me that it wasn't the right time for me, or him.

  It sounds like he's ditching you and going back to his wife. Fahgettaboutim. Don't waste another minute on this two-timing loser, JW or not.