Need Some Help Understanding

by Broken Hearted 31 Replies latest jw friends

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  carla

  God "sent" you this man? hmm, interesting. Why would God send you a man that is involved with an organization that hides pedophiles, is involved with a religion that has it's beginings with the occult, are false prophets, kills it's own members, finds the need to redefine the word 'lie', lies to its own members, treats women like second class citizens, spiritually and emotionally and physically abuses the children and adult members, hope for the deaths of all non jw's, etc....etc.....etc.....

  Maybe some 'spirit' sent him to you but I would bet anything it sure isn't God who sent him. If you think your involvement with him can 'save' him, forget it. Life with a jw is no bed of roses. The men in Brooklyn and the local elders control their entire lives.

  You need to do some research.
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  Broken Hearted

  Why would "God" send you a married man,

  forum thank you for your opinion, I want to state this man is not married, he did not cheat on his wife with me, and he as been divorced for over a year so not even an issue in this question for help.
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  Scully

  Well his ex-wife this week turned him in to the elders

  Sorry, I don't believe that he's divorced. I just don't. How would his "ex" wife know about you... if they were divorced there's no way he would have disclosed a relationship with you to her. He got busted by her. And she turned him in to the "elders" because it qualifies as "infidelity" and he would be subject to disciplinary action by the congregation. If he were really divorced, there wouldn't be any elder involvement or ex-wife involvement.

  But hey, it's your life. Ruin it if that's what you're into. No sand off my back.
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  lovelylil

  I think Scully is right. How would this guys ex-wife know he is talking to you on the computer or anywhere else for that matter? He can't be dumb enough to tell her? LOTs of JWs I knew live secret lives. This one just got caught. If you ask for advice here, people are going to give it. So please dont get upset if it is hard to swallow. None of us had a crystal ball to look into to tell the future. If we did, it would have saved us lots of pain. Think of us as your crystal ball. Been there, done that!
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  Broken Hearted

  Not upset at opinions I have asked for. Long story how his ex wife found out about us, but she does know. He did not get busted for having an affair. Does not matter anymore anyway. He says we can only be friends so I am having to deal with the fact that A man says he loves me but can't be with me because I believe my way and not his. This hurts like crazy. I will not stop praying for him and a miracle. Thank you for those that posted There is just so much to this story and I can't post everything about it but I needed some vague opinions earlier.
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  jgnat

  I understand how faith in a miracle can sustain you for years. I am a regular Christian for over twenty years, and faith in a miracle sustained me for a very, very long time. In the meantime, get yourself educated. Read Steve Hassan's "Combatting Cult Mind Control." Re-examine the foundation of your own faith, so you know WHY you believe what you do. Become an informed Christian. This will inoculate you against the cult's effects, and give you the tools to open his mind.

  Spotting logical fallacies:

  http://www.axiosinstitute.org/assets_original/pdfs/nonsense/nonsense_complete.pdf

  Learning inductive bible study:

  http://www.path-light.com/inductive.htm

  If God DOES drop this man in your lap again, be wise like a fox and be prepared.
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  Fleur

  As someone who was on the 'other side' of an online relationship something like what you seem to be describing (I can't know for sure because I can't know the details) I can tell you that it's awfully, awfully hard for someone to get out of the religion when they want to with all their heart. I did it. But it was hell. And I didn't even want to stay in when I left.

  If he has the desire to stay in, believe me, no matter how much you think you love him, don't do this to yourself. You deserve someone who can love you completely. A JW cannot love anyone completely, not even their god because they are always torn over the things that the manmade organization requires of them.

  A JW loves no one, truly. Believe that. Those who do, either marry in their faith (as they are told to do, and even then, I don't know a whole lot of happy JW couples...) or they break free of the organization and start a completely new life. that's what I did, but believe me I am the exception, not the rule.

  Like Scully said, unless you have proof he's divorced, don't believe it. JW's are not allowed to get involved with anyone new after a divorce unless they can prove their mate committed adultery. If he doesn't have the proof on his ex, then he's either still married, or unable to remarry as far as the cult is concerned.

  Run, honey. Far, and fast. You will find another man. Would you want to be with him if he stayed a JW, knowing that you could never, really, in his heart of hearts, measure up because you weren't a believer? Think about that.

  keep talking...hope you find lots of help and support here. Welcome pudgy *hug*

  essie
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  looking_glass

  Broken Hearted, if you believe this man was sent from God, then you must feel that it is God's will however it turns out. If you believe in destiny, then let it all play out and see what happens. Religion is a matter of choice. But you need to know that the JW religion is very black and white/ right and wrong. People in the religion are not individuals, they are part of a collective. There is little individuality within the religion. If you feel that you need to be part of something and want people to tell you what you should and should not think or do, again the religion is right for you. Each person is different and you may not have a problem with that and may feel you need direction. If you are a women who has a mind, the religion (nor the JW guy) will respect you. This religion is very harsh on women. Do not be blinded on what you think is love. Be careful in to giving out your heart to freely as he is obviously not as willing to give his heart to you (as shown in his going to his elders and "confessing" and pulling away from you) and this will be the pattern that you will encounter for the rest of your life with this man because of the religion.
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  truckerich

  Brokenhearted...He was probably reported to the elders because his ex-wife wanted to be scripturally free to married ago...I know of a brother who wanted to marry again but couldn't because he divorced his wife and wasn't "scripturally" he stayed single for a couple of years..that is until he met a sister he wanted to marry...well he and another brother decided to play detective...followed his ex-wife around one evening...she has met up with a man...they went to his house...and to make a long story short...the brother and his witness because you have to have two witnesses to an act in order for it to be true....staked out her house all night long and the next morning...both of them approached her as she was leaving..questioning her about her actions that night....needless to say...the brother was freed to be marry again....and was married two months later....

  Personally, I knew I didn't want to marry a brother because most of them hide behind the Bible's principle of submission whether they are right or wrong...I remember the first time I told a sister that I didn't want to marry a brother...she was offended and went to the brothers...about it...when I was approached by the elders...I let them know that marrying out of the truth isn't a disfellowshipping offense...actually talking to someone isn't a disfellowshipping offense...
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  eve342832

  there are many people that are going through what you are and its horrible,to believe that a human could make another feel so bad is unbelievable.he will break your heart and we all know this but its your own choice and its going to be hell to make that choice wether to stand by him or not.given my time again with my ex,i would have ran a mile,not because i dont love him but because ive ended up not very sane at times.Is this what love is?Is this what god wants to see his children suffer,i dont think so.