This is my explanation as to why I met with the elders today. When I agreed to meet with the elders last week I had made up my mind to just go in and be honest with them. I was going to tell the elders that I no longer believed this to be the truth, and then I was just going to walk away. That was my plan. As the week went on I really did a lot of thinking, I listened to what people had to say and I took everything in,thank you all for everything.
I was reading my previous thread and saw that a few people questioned my decision to go in and lie to the elders. So let me try to explain.
I was 14 when I began to study, I believed that this was the “truth”. I was the only one in my family that was a witness, I had no one to go to and no support. In the congregation we have about five older sisters who never had children and these women took me in and took care of me. Last night I thought about them and the pain that they would have to endure if I got Dfed and I made up my mind right then that I would not do that to them. If it meant that I would have to lie to the elders then I was ready to do that.
I know that many of you are thinking “they are not your friends”, and I agree with you, I know that if I got Dfed these women would never talk to me. But the idea of hurting them was too much, especially when I could avoid it by meeting with the elders.
The meeting with the elders went well, I began by telling them that I had been let down by them. I told them I felt sick when I walked into the hall and that that was the reason I changed halls. I think the reason they went easy on me today was because they know that they messed up. It was a long meeting, they asked me if I still believed it was the truth and I answered “ If I didn't do you think I would meeting with you?” they also asked if I wanted to remain inactive or if I wanted to take steps towards becoming active again, I told them I had a few things to work through and would not be going to the meetings until I figured some things out. They thanked me for my “honesty” and that was it.
I know that many of you will not understand why I would lie to spare the feelings of people that would shun me simply for having a different view point, and all I can say is that I'm not like them. I won't cause anyone I love pain if I can avoid it, even when I know that they won't do the same for me. I hope you understand but if you don't that's okay. I did what I thought was best.
And for the record, I am not going back! I just wanted to be able to fade and did a pretty good job of that till recently, I would rather poke my eyes out with a pencil than go back.
Lola