UPSET!

by LaCatolica 23 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  bebu

  Sorry to hear that.

  You have a very different idea of things than he does. He values his oaths, which if you think about it, means that he could be a very loyal person. So WHY he took such a crazy oath in the first place is the thing to explore (eventually).

  I know you are angry, but I wouldn't punish him for this. He did tell you up front beforehand, didn't he? He is too much a JW at heart to do what you are demanding. Don't demand it.

  Truly, I think you ought to forgive the guy for that hurt he's caused, and tell him that you hope that one day he would be willing to share with you the reason why he would make such an oath. Love and patience can open a door.

  And btw, there's a story in the Bible of a guy who made an oath to sacrifice the first thing that came out to greet him should God grant him victory. It was a foolish oath, because his daughter came out first. He should be familiar with that story, so you can ask him whether he thinks the girl ought to have been sacrificed. (The story, btw, does not chide or praise his following thru, but simply reports it. So there is room for discussion about right/wrong here.) I your husband thinks that the father made a foolish oath, and recognizes it as such eventually, then change is possible.

  If one made an oath to do evil, should that oath be kept? Or even, if a non-JW swore to never read WT literature, would a JW think such an oath should be kept?

  I was raised Catholic and vowed that I would never change. I am now protestant. Yet the actual heart of the vow was kept--that I would seek after God as he really was. Also, since I never made any official departure one could say that I am still one, technically.

  Good luck to you, LC! Hope you will feel better.

  bebu
• 

  kls

  Let me add one other thought ,,,,,,,,,Yes you two are husband and wife and i am sure you feel that both of you are to be as ONE .a UNIT, and you would do anything for your husband even die for him but you must remember that being married to a jw you are third in his life . First it is his forced love for his god and second is the wt and it's followers, and they will always come first before you ,or anyone or, thing else .
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  anewme

  Can I interrupt here for a moment and ask a simple question?
  
  How important is it for a husband and wife to believe exactly the same thing about God and faith and religion?
  
  My point being, isnt religion and faith a very personal thing?
  
  Cant two people get along and yet have very different views?
  
  Tolerance and mutual respect is the key to a satisfying relationship with someone of another faith.
• 

  carla

  anewme,

  It isn't the difference in beliefs. It is the absolute control the wt has over it's members. That is where the problem lies. The absolute loyalty to the 'party' or society. The fact the jw would do ANYTHING the elders told them to. It is downright scary. It is the lies they are taught to tell. The total disregard for the non jw spouse who is as good as dead anyway. The jw may stay with the non jw spouse, after all they are 'obligated' to do so. What a loving relationship. The elders control the jw's time, appearance, what the family may do for recreation, the sex life, family traditions, holidays, EVERYTHING! It has nothing to do with beliefs. The wt takes a persons personality, soul and body and uses it to further its publishing company. It is pure evil.
• 

  rebel8

  An oath? As in the baptism promises? AFAIK, these are the questions (correct me if I'm wrong or leaving something out):

  On the basis of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, have you repented of your sins and dedicated yourself to Jehovah to do his will?

  Do you understand that your dedication and baptism identify you as one of Jehovah's Witnesses in association with God's spirit-directed organization?

  hmmmm What does your husband think is in there that would be violated by him sitting quietly at a Mass? If he thinks the first one would be violated, he should think about the wording...he answered the question "have you..." correctly at the time. I don't think there is any promise never to leave the org or to join a new one at some future date.
• 

  LaCatolica

  Thank you all for all your kind comments.

  I'm learning now how manipulated and controlled the JWs are. It's so sad. It is true b/c I can see it in my MIL. She would rather die than miss a meeting...what the f*** is that about? How much do these people fear getting in "trouble" with the Organization, not God? God will not be upset with them...

  Also, there is no difference between the God I worship and the God they worship. It's the same God. The difference is in the Doctrine and what their organization has them believing and interpreting the Word of God. There is nothing "evil" about what goes on in my church. There is nothing wrong with me and my beliefs. Now, I feel that they may think that since I went to their service they are better than me (which they prob. already thought). That since I went to their "Memorial", I'm not as loyal to my religion. No, it's not that...it's just that my religion allows me to think freely...I'm not being pulled by a string like they are and not being watched like they are! That's all! My husband tries to act as if he can now see how manipulated JWs are, but it's like their way of being is so encrusted into his mind that he can say things that don't make sense and not even realize it.

  His mother raised him as if he was in a cage...studying the Bible, going to KH, door to door, and never having a "childhood"...when he reached the age of 18, he decided to stop all that. He went out, drank, partied, hung out with whomever he wanted, had premarital sex...well, you know became a human being! hahaha...Well, when this happened his mother said that she "LOST" her son. She hated him, didn't speak to him, wanted him out of her life, she didn't want him around his nieces and nephews b/c she said he was probably a child molestor now...Can you believe that? Well, in her eyes, he went the way of the devil! I was in shock when I heard all this from him. And in the end, I felt badly...I felt sorry for him, no human being should have to go through that. It's just wrong. This is one of the reasons why I feel like this religious organization is NOT GOOD. Yet, he's still loyal and loves his mother to death and will do things to please her.
• 

  Bumble Bee

  Can you ask him what exactly this "oath" he took was? I don't remember taking any "oath" to not attend any other religious services. I know I was told not to through the publications etc, but I did not swear an oath.

  BB
• 

  Wasanelder Once

  LaCatolica,

  Has your husband had some kind of relapse? Has he gone back to the witnesses? Sounds like he's inactive. Didn't he tell you when he married you that he'd have nothing to do with your religion? Did he neglect to tell you about this oath then? If he's willing to make this kind of choice he should have made you aware from the start of your relationship. But then again it may run deep in him and just surface under pressure.

  I wouldn't take offense. If you are seen as attacking his religion because he wouldn't go to your service when you went to his, it might be seen as petty. I'd say, drop the anguish and just deal with it as a matter of conversation. Use questions like those suggested. Let it take its course naturally. I wouldn't force the issue. Sure it sucks, but this is the package you have purchased so to speak. Whittle away at the lack of reasonableness by using strategic questions.

  You sound pretty bright. Do some research and drop little grenades of questions here and there.

  Dont let him think its a matter of YOU WONT so I WONT.

  W.Once
• 

  blondie

  It's a fine line. Some JWs feel they can attend a funeral in a church, very few. The WTS holds over them the possibility they might "stumble" or offend a fellow witness if they went. As to attending religious services in general, the WTS frowns on that quite severely. Interfaith is not allowed.

  Non-JW parents have the legal right to take their children with them to religious services, but they have no legal right over the JW spouse. Each one has a choice when it comes to themselves as adults.

  But take a specific oath on this, no; but in general if witnesses are perceived as associating religiously with another group, they are considered apostates, and can be disfellowshipped, kicked out and shunned..

  This is something your husband might hear at the kingdom hall.

  ***

  w93 7/1 pp. 16-17 Christians and Human Society Today ***

  Christendom, with her Catholic, Orthodox, and Protestant components, is undeniably a part of this world. Like Jesus, Jehovah’s Witnesses "are no part of the world." (John 17:14) How could they ally themselves through interfaith movements with religious organizations that promote unchristian conduct and beliefs?

  Who can justifiably criticize Jehovah’s Witnesses for believing, as did the early Christians, that they alone are practicing the true religion? Even the Catholic Church, while hypocritically claiming to cooperate with the ecumenical movement, proclaims: "We believe that this one true religion continues to exist in the Catholic and Apostolic Church, to which the Lord Jesus entrusted the task of spreading it among all men when he said to the apostles: ‘Go therefore and make disciples of all nations.’" (Vatican Council II, "Declaration on Religious Liberty") Apparently, though, such belief is not sufficient to infuse Catholics with indefatigable zeal in going forth to make disciples.

  Blondie
• 

  Nina

  He told me that he couldn't go b/c he took an OATH.

  
  

  What are you so upset about? He told you in advance he wasn't going to go, didn't he? What you did after that was your own decision.

  Pay attention next time.

  Nina