Feel like a failure

love2Bworldly

I feel like an emotional wreck right now. I am on my way to a THIRD divorce. I can't put up with my spouse for much longer, he's so dysfunctional. Why am I such a co-dependent person? I thought I had improved and gotten better because my first 2 husbands had secret drug dependencies but my third spouse has an addictive personality too but not drugs. He has lied to me so much and jacked up 3 computers because of his porn addiction--and I have teenagers in the house who use the computer. I'm not sure if I'm going to move out yet, but I know myself and know it's going to happen this summer--I just called all the utility companies and told them to take everything out of my name; I gave a list of all the phone, utility and cable companies and the phone numbers and told him he needs to call by May 1st; I'm selling the expensive car that's in my name so he can buy his own car in his own name.

I feel like such a failure. I do have 3 great kids who are turning out awsome in spite of me and my issues. I just feel so helpless--I know I'll be ok on my own other than being dirt poor. But I am so utterly tired of starting over. Ever wish you could turn the clock back and make better decisions? I know I rushed into this marriage, I don't know what's wrong with me. I can handle being single, but I can't handle being in a relationship and not being TOGETHER, and I get lonely when I don't date. I don't know what to do anymore to feel happy and stay single.

looking_glass

You just said that you have three great kids. That is something to be very proud of.

As for relationships, that takes two. You are not the only person who needs to take responsibility for those failures. Maybe therapy can help work out your relationship issues.

The first thing you need to do is give yourself credit for your accomplishments. Be proud of yourself and then you will not settle for men who take advantage of you. Once you learn to love yourself, you are able to allow others to love you in the way you should be loved, in a healthy way.

Being on your own at first may seem hard, but you will learn to enjoy its moments. You do not need a man to complete you. You can be complete on your own. A man can compliment you, the same as you can compliment a man, but to look for completion in another human only leads to disappointment because we cannot control anyone else.

Find some good friends that you can lean on. Take classes. Take up a hobby. Keep yourself busy in things you love to do. Find out who you are and go from there. You might just find that you really enjoy yourself and the company you begin to keep.

I wish you luck on your new journey.

nelly136

I feel like such a failure. I do have 3 great kids who are turning out awsome in spite of me and my issues.

whoooooooooooa. you've been through all that and your kids are turning out awesome?

sounds to me like you must be doing summat right, don't be sooo hard on yerself.

damselfly

Divorce is tough and I'm sorry that you are in the process.

Now what's this about feeling like a failure? Look at the postives here. You say you've got 3 good kids, that is a major success story right there!! Plus you are actively looking out for their financial interests by ensuring the credit in your name stays good. By getting out a dysfunctional relationship you are protecting yourself and your children as well as setting an example for their future. All that doesn't seem like failure to me.

I do the same thing of rushing into a relationship because I don't want to be alone, lead to all sorts of problems down the road. If anyone knows how to stay single and happy I'd like that info too.

Dams

luna2

(((love2bworldly)))

At least you haven't been afraid of starting over with someone new. I wish I had some advice about how not to keep picking the same personality type over and over. I've been hesitant to get into a relationship because I'm petrified of doing the exact same thing. I'm trying to loosen up.

Do you think that marriage counseling would be of any benefit or is the window for that passed?

lowden

Hey there l2bw

Listen i don't know all the psycology of your situation....but in my experience we tend to pick parteners of the same type throughout life. For some reason you pick men that abuse you emotionally. Why that is, is something only you can figure out but it usually goes back to our childhood. I would recommend seeing a relationship counsellor, purely for your own benefit. It's a tough old deal this love game. You're not a failure!!!!! I've seen lots of women abused by men and it stinks darling. Neglect is abuse, nasty words are abuse, not fullfilling you emotionally is abuse. Break the chain sweetie. I'm going through a tough time myself at the moment.Whatever you work out i wish you a sound and strong mind.

Peace

Lowden xx

truth about the last days

You may not be such as a failure as you may think. From what you have written for us, your children sound great. It is not easy to raise 3 children in these times. Also, you care for their well being by encouraging them not to use the computers due to the porn. If things do get worse, i suggest that you talk to your third "partner". If this does not work, for your sake and for the children i suggest that you move out. Are there any other reasons that you feel that you are a failure?

lonelysheep

You certainly aren't a failure!

It takes courage to get out of a relationship that you're better off not remaining in. (((((love2bworldy)))))))

And you do have happiness to look forward to!

serendipity

(( love2b )))

This is a tough situation, but you'll make it through this. At least you have kids to help you through this, if nothing else to at least occupy some of your time and attention. I also hope you have friends you can lean on too. I agree that we are attracted to people that may remind of us our parents in some way. I hope you can go to a counselor, or at least get some self-help books to work through your problem. From your comments it seems you have some insight in the issue. Now you just need some help to cope and overcome this.

I can handle being single, but I can't handle being in a relationship and not being TOGETHER, and I get lonely when I don't date. I don't know what to do anymore to feel happy and stay single.

I made some bad choices when it came to my relationships. I was too poor to afford counseling so I ended up borrowing/buying several books on relationships. It helped me to see I needed to have more respect for myself and not put up with so much crap, among other things. An old book that came to mind: 'Smart Women, Foolish Choices.' The public library probably has it.

daystar

I know where you're coming from. I've been effectively divorced for two years now. It was hard, but I had to make a very solemn vow not to allow myself to jump too quickly into any relationship. Oh, and in case you haven't seen the million times I've posted this fact here, I'm a single father whose sone lives with him.

It's been tough, especially when the person wants more and you are not ready for it. But I've stuck to my guns and know I'll come out better having done so.

Don't feel like a failure. You can't do anything about the past at this point. What you can do is plan for the future and make it into what you really want it to be.

Feel like a failure

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