by minimus 28 Replies latest jw friends
undercover
You know what really sucks? There were elders in my cong. that I knew were good guys. Hell, I loved them. Many of them watched me grow up. That is really what hurt me the most. If they had all been A-holes, it would have been easier to deal with. They weren't, and it killed me how little they seemed to really care when tough times, for me, came along.
How I was treated by the elders is probably the main reason I left. Since I became single ('03), it seems as though I was perceived as some sort of threat to them. They'd take every opportunity to "counsel" me on everything from my kids' answers, to my skirt slits, to what I drive. Anything to knock me down a notch just when I thought I was making a bit of spiritual headway. The two elders here are very conservative and very self-righteous. Never wrong. It feels as though they carry the 'woman in submission' thing a step further -- almost as though they have a hatred for women, or maybe it's just women that remind them that they are men (see "skirt slits" comment ) I really don't know what their problems were with me, but it felt quite personal. And the personal issues with me always carried over into the theocratic realm. My last JC where I DA before they could DF me was the last straw for me in this treatment. I've been to maybe three meetings in the past 6 weeks and so far none of them have approached me. If they do, I'll turn and walk away. It's hard for me to see the human underneath the elder hat since the line is so vague right now. I've tried to see them as those who have also been deceived by the Org and might actually be good people underneath all that. But it isn't possible right now. I'm not the only 'sheep' who has been beaten down with the staff -- many in the cong are afraid of them, also. Sometimes I wonder if I had different elders if I'd have bailed... but now, it's too late. I know too much truth about the troof, and no way could I ever go back...
~merfi
'
The 'true colors' usually appear when one makes a fuss over anything, and just won't accept the, just let 'Jehovah handle it' nonsense. Or when one leaves.
I believed with all my heart for 43 years that this was the instrument of God. I could never understand why elders ignored real problems, disfellowhipped the weak and needy ones, and showed nepotism to those who were elderettes or children of elders. I really thought they were just a small local bunch of bastards and out of sinc with the 'chariot' of Jah. Now I know that the 'chariot of Jah' in Brooklyn are the real bastards, since the 1970's at least, when Jonnson and Franz and company showed them the need to step up and be spiritual men, and they refused to do so out of fear of loss of position and control.
Most the local bastard elders were just those who did not fall far from the Crooklyn tree. Sad indeed. I knew a few men who had real integrity and tried - mostly they lasted only a short time as elders.
When he comes in the clouds, may the Lord grant them mercy, for 'they no not what they do'.
Jeff
How Were You Treated By The Elders?
Like a bag of M&M's inside a car with all the windows closed in July!
Dismembered
Dis, I kinda feel your pain, I think.
they ignored my exsistance because i didnt have a penis.
I have said in the past, there are bad elders and then there are the elders that know that and don't do anything about it.
I was treated like both fleur and flag, when i went for help with abusive mate i was told the same thing, "be better wife and pray more. also remember it is only for a short time." yeah like in 1975??? they have no idea how long i would have had to put up with abuse, maybe till he killed me in a rage, but the only important thing to them was dont miss meetings no matter what your going through. now that i havent been back in over a year?? not one single visit from elders. the C.O. visit was just a few months ago, didnt even hear from them then. oh well like it was said before, dont really wanna have to argue with them anyway.
A nod and a smile, here and there in passing. Until there was trouble that I happened to know about. Then it got ugly, as they were doing their usual "sweep" to keep it quiet.
In my old hall, if the elders took any kind of interest in you, there was going to be trouble.
It was 1972-73. The elders and cong had locked in my wife's mind and soul, capping everything with the upcoming 1975 terror. I did my best to understand what JWs were all about but could not. That's when the elders jumped on me, calling me a goat and saying I did not have the right heart for Jehovah's organization. They immediately went to work helping my wife disassociate from me, which she did. Divorced 1975.
