by mavie 20 Replies latest jw friends
well firstly sorry your wife isn't well.
i hope you make progress with this! thats certainly an opportunity to make a real witness on the truth of the truth. clearly he's in it for the wrong reasons, which gives the right reasons to be out.
keep us posted
I hope he sees the 'light' so to say...lol!
wanting to quit sometimes, and not wanting to fake a smile and conversation when feeling down at the meeting.
That is a precise description of what I was like shortly before I DAed.
Ya, I was very aware that anything I say can and will be used against me in a JC of law. I think he was trying to encourage me in some weird way by telling me his struggle with it all.
I did share this conversation with my wife, she really didn't have too much to say about it. She already knew a lot of what this guy is going though and feels. She is open to talking honestly about this situation, even with me telling her my faith has been damaged. I'm not going to push things though, she isn't ready to hear this from me, not right now.
Also, I was supposed to read the WT this weekend, but my name was scratched off for this brother instead!
He feels that he can't really identify with the JWs and by having to do so he is causing an identity crisis, being part of something he doesn't feel as his own so it's best for him to move out of the dubs.
Sounds like you have a realistic view on all this Mavie. I'm so happy to hear that you and your wife are able to keep open about things. I truly think you and only you will know when/if you are going to bring this up to her again.
That is so typical to cross you off the list. I can't believe how many times I heard in talks "just do what you can, jehovah only expects what you can do individually." Then if you have LEGITIMATE reasons why you can't do as much as you used to, you "lose" privileges and you are looked down on by others in the hall. hypocritical to me.
thanks for the update. when are you meeting with the elders?
Hi mavie
Just read your story, im really sorry for your wifes illness. It was the lack of caring and love than made my husband and I really question the org, but it was comming here that really opened my eyes.
It really is typical for your name to be scrubbed off with out anyone explaining why. They are not intitaled to know why you miss a meeting, but since you have a really genuine reason, I would give them hell.
I think its the bad mouthing and attack on our reputations and gossip, that get us down, we know its done and i dont care how much you say to yourself "Im doing it for Jehovah and no one else" it can have a big affect on us.
How many cards and phone calls with real genuine concern have you recieved in the last month ?
When we stopped going, we had 2 phone calls from MY friend and not one from any elders in the first 12 months!!!!!!!!!! but I count myself lucky
Mavie: your experience is just like one I had recently with a dub I ran into unexpectedly. He asked where I'd been and what hall I was going to. I really like this guy and his family and they were always hospitable to us so I didn't feel like lying to him. I told him we weren't going to meetings now and had not attended for well over two years. He seemed surprised and asked if how we were doing (expecting me to give him a tale of woe). I told him we were doing very well, life was good, and we were really happy to have time to pursue family and other interests for the first time in years.
He thought for a few seconds said, "I don't really know what to say about that." Then he was quiet for a few seconds and started telling me about his doubts. "I'm hanging on by a thread," he said.
We were interrupted at that point and the conversation stopped. I walked away thinking I'd found a kindred spirit and was sure we'd have another similar conversation before long. I'd always had afeeling about this guy that he wasn't that firmly entrenched in dubdom, altho he has a lot of JW family ties.
Two days later, he came by my office and asked to speak to me for a minute. When we were alone, he presented me a Kingdom Ministry with a highlighted article with a theme of something like "Come Back to Jehovah." It contained an "experience" of a woman who fell away from meeting attendance but was reactivated by a kindly older sister who took a personal interest, blah, blah, blah.
I read through it quickly and said, "What made you think I would be interested in this?" He said, "Well, you said you weren't going to meetings. I figured that must be really hard on you." I said, "Do I seem to you to be unhappy?" He replied, "No, but that's because Satan is no longer testing you."
I thanked him for his concern and he left. I deposited the KM in the round file. Haven't heard from him again, and don't expect to. I confess that for a couple of weeks afterwards, I was expecting a call from some elders wanting to discuss my conversation with this guy, but so far that hasn't happened.
See, you can have a convo with a dub who appears empathetic, but then they return to the cult and get "redirected," which leads to two things: They chastise themselves for having doubts, and they feel compelled to snatch you out of the fire.
Interesting encounter WLM.
Satan is no longer testing you? I wonder where the scriptural proof for that statement is.
It could very well be this brother goes to the elders with concerns about me. That's ok. They will hear the exact same thing from me this weekend, with my wife supporting me.
I have to admit, my biggest fear right now is losing family..hurting them, especially my wife. I think I would try to stay in the religion just to support her if that is what would make her happy. We will see.
Be careful with what you say, as he could have a sudden pang of guilt and discuss with the elders your comments.
I third that. You have to watch every word you say until you are ready for the lable "apostate" I was betrayed more than once.
Mavie I do hope you have taken your wife to a good psychiatrist. There is no shame in seeing the right doc for the right problem. Since I left the org I seen a psychiatrist, psychologist, psychoanalyst, post traumatic stress disorder-anger managment specialist and I think I REALLY am normal now!
There were periods of time that I had to take anti depressants. I have a genetic condition that worked with the mental abuse of the Watchtower to really make my life difficult in the past. Plus I married an abusive man after being raised in an abusive religion, no surprise there.
It has been many years since I battled depression and life is so beautiful on this side of the Tower.
