Glad to know I am not the only one

by Wendy_Warden 28 Replies latest social relationships

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  Wendy_Warden

  I've been lurking on this board all morning and reading all the articles about dating/having a relationship with a JW. Because, as many people seem to, I find myself in that situation.

  I am confused becuase the JW guy is not a very consistent JW in a lot of ways. I know this because I've been reading up on it. He's in martial arts, has a computer, is going to college and ...well, then there's me. After reading all of your posts I still have a hard time seeing him doing any of these things. He did invit to communion with him but I wasn't able to go becasue of timing. My father would have flipped by the way. He mentions his beliefs in a carefully off hand manner, but I know of we would really get at it ( we have in the past) that he would listen to a certain level.

  I am afraid that I cannot talk to my parents about this becasue they would just expect me to drop him and I cannot do that.
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  whyamihere

  Welcome Wendy!

  Brooke
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  looking_glass

  Owning a computer is not a bad thing for them. It is going onto the internet to do research other than what is deemed acceptable. As for college, I think they are easing up on that one, but I don't know because the JWs friends I do have, always do their own thing. Most of them are college educated and one is a college prof. So that flies in the face of the "no college rule".

  The guy you are seeing maybe just a kid who was raised as JW and does not agree w/ everything but does not want to be shunned by his family, so he hangs in there. Just be careful. The prob w/ a non-JW dating a JW is that if they have to chose between their faith (which really means family members who are JWs) and you, you may be left broken hearted. Be prepared.
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  Finally-Free

  Welcome!

  This probably isn't what you want to hear, but I'll say it anyway. Dump him without delay!!!

  I'm sure you love him, but you can eventually love again. Getting involved with a JW will ruin any chance of your having anything that even remotely resembles a normal life.

  W
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  kid-A

  welcome, and be careful. A few important points to ponder for the "future"

  1) JWs will allow their children to die by refusing blood transfusions.

  2) If he still believes the watchtower, he will not join you or your family in normal activities, including birthdays, x-mas, easter, halloween, etc etc.

  3) Your parents apprehensions about you getting involved with a JW are 100% justified.

  4) If he decided in the future (say after you were married) to get involved with the religion again, he will be busy 2 entire nights of the week at the king-dumb hall, saturdays will be spent knocking on doors peddling the watchtower, and sundays will also be spent at the king-dumb hall. Basically, you will have a "part-time" spouse.
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  carla

  He did invit to communion with him ---No he didn't, that is a ceremony in which they all 'reject' Jesus not take communion in the usual sense. Research the threads on the Memorial.

  I live with a man who after two decades of marriage became a jw. It has turned our lives upside down. He has become a different person, certainly not better. Do you want to be with a man (I use the word loosely) who allows his entire life to be controlled by men? Should he decide to go back one day and become a 'good jw' the elders will and do control everything from what you wear, entertainment, relationships, sex lives, how children should act and behave, the list is enormous. You may think 'he's not like that now, he won't change, our love is too strong'. You would be mistaken, mind control is stronger than any emotion. Do some research on cults and mind control, Steve Hassan, Margaret Singer, and Robert Lifton are some places to start.

  I wish you wouldn't throw your life away for half a person, that's what you end up with a jw. One half wanting to be loyal to the organization the other half wanting his/her life with their spouse and families. Always torn, always something to feel guilty about. Takes the joy out of life. The jw's suck up personalities and souls, entire beings and those on the outside feel helpless always looking for the magic seed to plant to get them to think on their own.
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  greendawn

  I also agree that the JWs are a cultic organisation and life through an intimate relationship with one of them is not easy, they do not have a healthy perspective of the world and their religious ideology is erratic and often twisted.
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  bebu

  Since he is already comfortable being on the net, I think a VERY natural way to get him to intersect with info about the Watchtower Society is to "google" JWs yourself (which you have probably already done!) and also look up Jehovahs Witnesses on Wikipedia.com. You can email your friend the link to Wikipedia and ask for help in understanding certain points. You just prime the pump, and let his own curiosity keep the momentum.

  Your motives are good ones--you really just want to know what the religion is about. If he begins the task of sorting things out for you or explaining issues on these websites, he will get an eyeful. But if he does brush off some of it as garbage by hateful opposers, let him know that it isn't helping you understand anything, and shouldn't he at least be aware of what the issues are, anyway? Does it really help to insist on being ignorant?

  And if he's got the personality you say, he might be able to realize how he's been duped. Even so, there will be a lot of baggage and attitudes (mentioned above) leftover. So.. Don't compromise.

  bebu
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  Apostate Kate

  Welcome Wendy!

  Be careful with him. Don't lose yourself before you know for sure who he is, and where he stands with his religion. He may be on his way out, or he may insist on stringing you along to change you. Either way choosing to be involved with the religion/cult is a burden. There are paranoia's, other mental issues, no happy hollidays, judgemental in-laws...I would never choose it for my daughter. If you were to marry you would be asked to sacrifice your child if she ever needed blood.

  Take Care. You've come to the right place to get questions answered.

  Love~Kate
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  Wendy_Warden

  
  I have been trying to think of ways to witness to him without attacking the watchtower directly. I am sure that would be a bad move because I've heard they like to feel put down. So, I think I might do what you said about asking him to make things clear to me.

  I mean, I know how I stand on most of those issues, but what I really want is him to question them himself. I know that the chances of my converting him are slim, but I don't think that giving up is a choice. I would feel responsible for not at least trying to help him see his way clear of the Tower. I've been reading books about how to answer the doctrine of the Watchtower and have been trying to be ready should the chance arise to use it.

  Thanks so much for all of your help too. I feel totally on my own in so many ways. But like many of you said it is not something to be all touchy feely about. I know I have to be careful of myself first and him second. But since I do care for him I feel like I can't just drop it. If you have anymore suggestions about what I can do to get him looking into materiel exposing JW's I would great appreciate it.