May I pay for your wedding? And your baby shower? and your house warming? (page 2)

A "Grange Hall" for lack of a better description, is a "local" building affiliated with the "local" grange (think farming communities.) The public can rent out the building. You will never mistake a Grange Hall for a 4-star restaurant.

Most JW's that get married are very young and can't afford too much, and with the type of work the parents do they don't have much money either.

but isn't this the whole point of the thread?

Now I have been to some weddings of 30-somethings who did not want to spend $30,000 on one day, so they did either cake and champagne, or on one occassion, all appetizers at a local Raddisson. But they didn't ask me to cook *and* bring a gift.

Silent, can you guess who was the only person to give me a baby gift for Eden when she was born? Later, Marie Hannig and Dianne Feocco also gave me gifts for her. I did not have a shower because it was not thought 'appropriate,' LOL.

So, mostly no one gave me gifts for her. It was odd. I had given gifts to many people, many times, and yet except for a few good people, I was not the recipient in kind. It woke me up.

Shall I tell you about the elder who was having very hard times financially? I was a Regular Pioneer at the time. It was their 25th wedding anniversary. Their daughter, my 'friend' told me how horrible it was in their home. I paid for them to stay at the Camillus Bed and Breakfast (the only place I could find on short notice) and paid for their meals while there. This set me back $250 bucks, a lot of money. But I did it out of (misguided) love.

Imagine my surprise when less than a half year later, he sat on a committe that decided to disfellowship me. Oh yes, the JWs taught me a lot about giving and being reciprocal.

Now, I'm very careful about my giving. It's usually to charities that benefit children, not to adults who should be paying their own way.

Lisa

greendawn

In the KH I was in, usually the newly wedded or their families provided the food and music band and reception hall, they were mostly financially secure JWs. On the other hand the guests gave gifts or money to the couple.

So this really depends on the financial position of those getting married usually if people can afford it they don't mind paying that $20 000-30 000 for a once in a lifetime event.

rebel8

OK I know it was not just Upstate New York that had this problem.

lol, what's that about upstate ny?

I've purposely studied etiquette after leaving the jws so I could learn how to act normally in society. The demands for the guests to provide refreshments and/or entertainment is generally a big no-no. The rule is, the host pays for it all & accepts help from invitees only when offered....and if you can't afford it, invite less people. It is acceptable to have a cocktail reception, or a reception with just beverages & snacks, if it is not held at a traditional meal time.

Then you have tradition, which sometimes conflicts with etiquette..........& the tradition is among jws in my area is that guests are often asked to contribute. Wierd.

kid-A

Sorry to sound like a snob, but the JW weddings were just absolutely pathetic.

90% of the ones I attended took place in community hall "gymnasiums" with basketball markings on the "dance floor". The "potluck" concept is fine in and of itself, but for a wedding? oh gawd no!

I think a wedding celebration justifies cuisine beyond KFC, potato salad and jello molds. I think the saddest JW wedding I ever attended was in one of these gymnasium settings, where we all (including the bride

and groom) ate off DISPOSABLE Royal Chinette paper plates !!!! LOL. Of course, they were a couple of 19 year old JW kids desperate to have sex and/or get out of their parents houses. Needless to say, it ended in

divorce about 2 years later.....

blondie

90% of the ones I attended took place in community hall "gymnasiums" with basketball markings on the "dance floor". The "potluck" concept is fine in and of itself, but for a wedding? oh gawd no!

Well, kid-A, I went to a lot of non-JW weddings growing up. They tended to reflect the financial means and the customs of the area.

I don't expect people to pay $50 to $100 a plate for a sit down dinner. Some people can find a deal for less but it is not cheap. Many just have a small wedding for immediate family because of the costs.

The area my in-laws are from rarely have a big fancy do with $5,000 dresses, tuxes, etc. But then there are people who pay $5,000 to $30,000 for a wedding...but I have heard them complain that a family member came and only gave a $20 gift.

It's pot luck, the town hall, taped music, flowers from the garden, mom's or grandma's wedding dress, nice suits on the guys, wedding cake by Aunt Mabel, etc. Everyone has a good time.

Blondie

Why Georgia

I must be from a ill mannered hippy California family...because every wedding in my family except for mine was a pot luck!

Most everyone in my family is an amazing cook, so I know that everyone was very happy and we have lots of wonderful memories.

I got married in a casino with a horrible tasting cake. I'd much rather have pot luck!

Best Regards,

Chrystal

http://www.myspace.com/lifewithmy3js

ferret

I love pot lucks always lots to eat and great variety. Nothing to be ashamed of unless one is interested in a big showy display.

minimus

I USUALLY tried to avoid any JW wedding that I had to bring a meal to. All of these joyful events were boring, had no booze and simply sucked. Give me a worldly Italian wedding any day!

Bumble Bee

Is the point of going to the wedding the meal you get while there? I could really care less about that. My husbands family finds out how much the meal is costing per person and gives their monetary gift accordingly. If it costs the couple $150.00/plate they give $300 cash wedding gift, if it costs $20/plate they give $40.00. I find this really disgusting. minimus - JW Italian weddings are no different than wordly JW weddings (at least the ones I've been to).

BB

May I pay for your wedding? And your baby shower? and your house warming?

MsMcDucket

LDH