About 9 years ago the elders asked me to study with Leah a young lady(12 years old) in our congregation in order to help support her and her family who were going through tough times. ( the mother had been baptized about 4 years and faithfully brought her 3 daughters to all the meetings. But her husband was not a witness and had recently left her). I became friends with the entire family they were delightful and well balanced people. Spiritually minded and very close.
They got through the tough times and she eventually remarried a wonderful brother in the congregation . Her mother and I became close friends but I still maintained a special big sister relationship with leah.
By now she was 15 and had started to express herself by dressing a bit differently (you know like Doc's with her dresses, mild stuff ,always modest). Basically it was just the style and she was not the only one. She was doing well had gotten baptized a couple of years back and was auxillary pioneering pretty regularly (home schooled). She also colored her hair a dark brown and cut it short (really looked cute).
Well this elder who was raising two of the geekiest kids I have ever met. For the boy greased hair parted down the side and slicked over the top,ill fitting, mismatched ,polyester
suits and for the girl old lady dresses about 4 sizes to big, she could not wear any make up or jewelery or wear her hair any way but straight and long. Forced home schooling and no other kids in the hall were ever good enough to be their kids friends. You know the type over the edge extreme.
One day in service ( I was pioneering too) his daughter and leah got assigned to same car group with me,(he was not directing). Immediately after the meeting the elder went up to our group and coldly and loudly informed us that his daughter could not join us with Leah dressed the way she was(let me tell you she looked far more presentable than his daughter). He harshly took her from our group and out with someone else. Leah was devestated she had never so much as been counseled on her clothing and was not in bad standing in any way. Soon after she was called in to see the elders and they "counseled" her on her attire. Of course this pious elder was on the commitee.
About two months after that I had some of the young ladies in the congregation over for a get together. I am not sure why but that elders daughter confessed to us that she was lonely and bored she felt like a geek. She told the whole group she couldn't wait to get married and have sex 5 times a day. She also told us that her parents would never even let her talk to a boy (she was 16)but related that she knew what they looked like from having seen her brother(11 months older). She laughed and told us how once her parents had come home and caught them but she told them " I just wanted to know what a boy looked like"and pretended it was the first time and they dropped it. I could not beleive my ears, this arrogant elder is making innocent young people feel like dirt, over the length of their hair or type of shoes. No one is allowed to associate with his precious darlings and the whole time those two are engaging regularly in god only knows what type of sexual activity! and both parents knew and looked the other way.
This was too much for me. (No I didn't go tell the elders I wasn't stupid). The whole thing pointed me to the realization that the whole thing was a sham. People pretending to be something they are not and using criticism of others to elevate themselves.
Additionally children's lives were being destroyed because they were not allowed to have a normal, developmentally appropriate existence. No sports, college , holidays, extended family (outside the org).No friends, proms ,dances, boots with dresses,no dating till you were ready to marry, no room for personal decisions and expression. No wonder kids are leaving in such high numbers.
You cannot protect your children from living and growing up. Stifle their actions,muzzle their words, isolate them from society, label everyone else as a lower being. Kids will still think for themselves, still come up with ways to explore and experiment and decide for themselves.
I for one would much rather take the chance on having my children grow up in the real world with true morals and take a chance on the occasional mistake (and haven't we all made those)? Than risk destroying my relationship with them , forcing them to lead double lives and perverting their natural sense of right and wrong.
I have not put in all the details of the girls story nor have I put in all the details of her fathers tyrannic rule over the congregation. But I hope that I have said enough for you to understand the ugliness of the situation. And why it was at that point that I began to question whether staying in this oppressive religion was in my children's best interest.
