Is it true? Are adultery or death the only scriptural escapes?

by Cabin in the woods 30 Replies latest social relationships

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  Lady Lee

  This adultery or death policy almost drove me to the death part of it. I even had my plans made and was asking people to watch over my daughters if something happened to me.

  I tried the other way instaed - not because I wanted to remarry but I didn't want to be held responsible if he had sex with someone else (as he threatened to do many times and then blame me for his choice - that old blood-guilt thing they have going on)

  I'm not a good liar like the rest of my family so I knew I couldn't just say I did it.

  The damage it did to my self-esteem was far worse than I anticipated.

  But I got my freedom and he got a new wife (who also did the same thing to get out of her marriage to him.

  One thing I have learned along the way. Sacrifice nothing for this religion. If you need to leave don't be worried about bloodguilt or the scriptural divorce. Take care of yourself because as so many people here know - the WTS will never put the needs of the individual above their own demands
• 

  looking_glass

  Based on a recent case involving a friend who is an inactive JW and her active JW ex, you can divorce and remarry without getting DF'd under one more circumstance. This woman's ex, filed the papers for divorce, he picked up and left her. Therefore, according to the elder book (which is what was referred to in her JC mtg) he abandoned her and therefore, she did not need to "seek his permission to free her from the marriage bond". She in fact did remarry (a non-JW) and did not get DF'd (and in turn her parents and other family members felt only slightly guilty about showing up for the wedding and reception afterwards!)

  If it is possible to get your hands on the elder book, it is my understanding there is a section in there specifically addressing this issue. That section includes scriptures and the reasoning behind the various allowable causes for divorce and remarriage.

  But I would agree w/ everyone else's assertion, leave, get divorced and don't look back. The elders are a group of men that have NO CLUE what it is like to be domineered by another and have no say in anything. I have yet to hear a woman say that the elders told the guy that he needs to love his wife like Christ loved the congregation - which he gave his life for. Instead, you hear the elders say, "well if you were a better wife this would not be an issue"

  Good luck!
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  stevenyc

  it-1, p639: Legal dissolution of the marital union. Hence the severance of the marriage bond between a husband and a wife. Various original-language terms for "divorce" literally mean "send away" (De 22:19, ftn), "release" or "loose off" (Mt 1:19, Int; 19:3, ftn), "drive out; cast out" (Le 22:13, ftn), and "cut off."—Compare De 24:1, 3, where the expression "a certificate of divorce" literally means "a book of cutting off."

  g02:"Marriage should be a permanent bond" : Sexual infidelity by a mate is the only ground for a divorce that will allow the innocent mate to remarry.

  So, as far as the Elders are concerned, if your marriage has broken down, to a point of no resolution, you can separate and/or divorce. However, unless adultery is involved, a divorce will be seen as a separation, and remarriage will result in a disfellowshipment (or whatever they call it these days).

  steve
• 

  Seeker4

  Unless something has changed, and I haven't heard that it has, Stevenyc is completely correct. Adultery is still the only grounds for divorce that allows one to remarry.
  Looking_glass - your friend had WTS grounds for divorce due to the husband leaving her, but that would not have been WTS grounds allowing her to get remarried..
  S4
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  looking_glass

  Seeker - According to her JC that was what they quoted to her. Her dad use to be an elder and when they threatened to DF her, she called him, he pulled out his elder book and then in turn he called the guy spear heading the JC hearing. When they met w/ her, she said (and I believe her) that they said that because her ex (still active JW) abandoned her spiritually, physically, emotionally that she was free to remarry, even though "he had not released her from the marital bonds", he essentially broke the marital bonds by filing for divorce and abandoning her.

  I know for a fact she is remarried, as I was in the wedding. Also, I know she cannot be DF'd because we went to a JW friend's wedding at the Hall and to the bring a dish party afterwards. And the same guys who made up the JC were there chatting us up (in other words trying to encourage us to return to the Hall. "don't le the bitterness of past occurrences keep you out of the new system - blah, blah, blah all that crap")

  Maybe it is a "congregation thing". Depending on the body of elders, they may or may not decide in your favor. I know they did not decide in her favor because of her dad, because he was viewed as a trouble maker and that was he was removed as an elder. So her JC was not made up of friends of her father's. However, there is no way of knowing if her dad said or did something else that frightened them into not DF'ing her. I don't know.

  This all transpired in 2005, so it is recent. I would say, if anyone who is being threatened with being DF for a specific wrong, get your hands on the elder book read thru it do some research, because I think there are some outs that people don't know about. It certainly cannot hurt to look into it and use it if possible.
• 

  blondie

  Just remember, just because you can get a legal divorce and the WTS allows it doesn't mean you can can remarry scripturally. Only if you can prove adultery took place on the part of the other spouse to the satisfaction of the BOE, can you remarry without being called for a judicial hearing.

  Blondie
• 

  diamondblue1974

  
  This is another sticking point for me too...in one of my many debates with my JW relative I accused the WTS and ultimately 'Jehovah' of being discriminatory against women in not providing an 'scriptural' exit for women suffering abuse at the hands of their husbands. I am not going to quote statistics but generally speaking this affects more women than men and as such is evidence of the bible being written from a mans perspective as opposed to divine. There are other elements of the bible too which directly place women below the ranks of men which is further indicative of being written from a mans perspective at a time where women were considered property as opposed to equals. I have not met a JW yet that can explain why god would allegedly create an imbalance of this nature!
  
  DB74

  
  
• 

  looking_glass

  DB - I have asked that question and this was the response given ...

  Man was created in God's image. God created woman, not in God's image, but because man saw that he was without a mate an lonely. Thus, woman is man's companion. As such, a companion is to compliment the man.

  Also, because God inspired the bible, it was written by men who were created in god's image. Thus, it would be written in a male perspective.

  Take it for what it is worth .... CRAP!
• 

  Seeker4

  Looking_Glass,
  I still agree with Stevenyc and Blondie - and I think your friend simply lucked out. The total abandoment as you describe has for many years been one of the WTS' grounds for a divorce, but it is only unforgiven adultery that allows for remarriage.
  I congratulate her! They simply may have chosen not to pursue the issue. I have friends in the local area here who have faded, divorced and remarried or are living with someone, and the elders chose to leave them alone.
  S4
• 

  blondie

  Actually, the WTS official doctrine is that women are also created in God's image with a Quibble Factor attached.

  *** w94 4/1 p. 25 How Can Man Be in God’s Image? ***

  How were the first man and woman created in God’s image?—Genesis 1:27.

  ***

  w86 9/15 p. 28 The God of the "Old Testament"—Is He a God of Love? ***

  Later, when he created the first man and woman, Adam and Eve, he made them "in his image," that is to say, he endowed them with such godly qualities as love, justice, wisdom, and power.

  Notice the Quibble Factor:

  ***

  w72 7/15 p. 445 Woman’s Regard for Headship—How Demonstrated? ***

  It should be remembered that man was created first and for some time was alone, being in God’s image by himself. The woman was made from the man and was to be subject to the man. The woman’s position thus is one that cannot reflect God’s position of headship toward his creatures, and it is this matter of headship that is discussed in 1 Corinthians chapter 11. Jehovah God is not subject to anyone. Unlike the woman, the man does not have an earthly head over him when it comes to matters relating to his wife and children. Hence in this respect he alone is "God’s image." In other respects, of course, the woman shares with the man in reflecting the admirable and lovable qualities of God.

  ***

  g80 4/8 p. 5 People—How They Began ***

  In a particular respect man was in God’s image where woman was not—in headship. (1 Cor. 11:3, 7) Both the man and the woman shared in being in God’s likeness insofar as each one possessed the divine attributes given at the time of their creation.