For those who have old parents, how do you cope with them getting old?

by JH 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • JH
    JH

    When I speak to my old dad, I have to repeat about 3 times because he is deaf in one ear, but also he likes to make everyone repeat, becuse it's a bad habit he always had. He always did that even when he had good hearing. It's as if he has to see me to understand me. If he can't see me, no matter how loud I'll talk or how slowly I'll talk, he will make me repeat. But once a converstation is going, he understands every word, no matter how loud or softly I speak. He does that with everyone. It's the first words that he never understands, as if he isn't ready to listen.

    When I speak to my old mom, she understands well, but doesn't listen to what I say. Then if I make her repeat what I said, she will say something slightly different, that I didn't say, basically changing the whole context.

    Every day, I try to keep my calm when I talk to them, but it's always the same. I have to repeat and talk very s l o w l y s o t h a t h e w i l l u n d e r s t a n d, and for my mom I have to tell again and again that that's not what I said. My old aunt is the same way, if someone tells her something, she will repeat it differently, thus changing the whole story or context. So whatever she says, she finds a way to distort it.

    They are good parents, but gee, they can irritate me, and I have to make a big effort not to lose my calm.

    My mom is very nice, and every time I go over, she will ask my 5 times if I had dinner and if I want something to eat. I'll tell her, thank-you mom but I already ate. Then she will say are you sure you aren't hungry, I can give you some more....and I'll say, yes I'm sure. I ate and I'M not hungry anymore and thanks alot. But she will repeat this about 3 or 4 times while I'm there, and even when I leave.

    I know that they are old, but gee my blood pressure goes up when I go there.....Is there such a thing as a too good mother?

    I was just wondering if any of you sometimes get frustrated dealing with old people.

  • luna2
    luna2
    ...she will ask my 5 times if I had dinner and if I want something to eat

    Sweetie, that's because you eat crap like greasy fried potatos with artery-clogging cheese and gravy all over them. I'd worry for you too. LOL

    My parents are coming up on 72 (both of them). My mother is pretty much the same as always, though her hair is finally turning gray. My father shows his age more but he, too, is in pretty good shape. They've just sold their house and are making plans to move to Texas. Frankly, they have more energy than I do.

  • rekless
    rekless

    the same as they coped with you when you were young.hahah

  • Nina
    Nina

    It may not be a problem with age. Did it ever occur to you they just don't care that much about what you have to say?

    People's interests differ. If you have to repeat yourself or ask for feedback to make sure they paid attention to what you said my guess is that you would do well to find something else to talk about.

    In all seriousness,

    Nina

  • JH
    JH
    If you have to repeat yourself and ask for feedback

    No, you got this wrong. I'll tell her, "Mom, I ate" !!! and I told you 5 times up to now.... So then I ask her. "Repeat what I just said".

    So she will say, "ok you ate" !!!

    Thats my way of talking to her when she keeps on asking me the same thing. It's in that context that I make her repeat.

  • rekless
    rekless

    Thats my way of talking to her when she keeps on asking me the same thing. ; ; It's in that context that I make her repeat.

    YEP! That's what I said, They're just getting even with you, and you will get even with your kids, and your kids will get even with their's. It's called the generation gap.

  • stillajwexelder
    stillajwexelder

    With difficulty - I remember my father in his prime - he could out sprint me - very fit. To see him age is diifcult - but that is life

  • Nina
    Nina
    If you have to repeat yourself and ask for feedback

    No, you got this wrong.

    OK, I edited my earlier post! Replaced "and" with "or". My bad!

    It still seems to me that you want them to be interested enough to listen to what you have to say but you are missing the thought that you might not be interested enough to hear what they want to talk about.

    Your mom is busy being "your mom"; she's interested in your well-being. Try giving her a detailed rundown on your life and times, I bet she won't miss a word and won't interrupt to offer to feed you!

    The next time you want to talk to your dad try choosing a moment when he doesn't appear to be occupied and then bring up something that he has been doing; talk about his life and thoughts. So what if you have to first catch his attention! Maybe the guy is Thinking. Maybe he considers what you have to say to be "idle conversation" compared with what's going on in his mind.

    Then again, and absolutely no offense intended, maybe these people are just limited in their outlook. I have cousins like that. Every time a guest walks past one of them the cousin will start with "Hello!" even if the guest just left them long enough to get a cup of coffee. They are lovely people, hospitable as all get-out, but they don't keep up with the modern world.

    Take your relatives as they are. It might not be age. (Think back, how long have they been responding to people in this manner?)

    Nina the serious

  • JH
    JH

    Sometimes my mom will ask me, how much does gas cost now at the corner garage...so I tell her it went up to $1.13 a litre. So she will say, that's expensive. And 2 minutes later she will see my dad, and tell him, "John just told me that the gas went up to $1.05 a litre". So, I'll say, "No mom, that's not what I said, I said it went up to $1.13 a litre.

    Sometimes I wonder if I should correct her all the time, or just let her say what she thought she heard. Who knows, maybe she is slowly developing Alzheimer's disease....

    But I think it's rather a lack of concentration on her part. Because when she wants to remember something she can.

  • garybuss
    garybuss

    I might BE an old parent. I hope to be much older:-)

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