A wife chased by other men at work

by greendawn 20 Replies latest jw friends

anewme

I think this is a reality in some work places and there is pressure for some people.
And yes, she is to be commended for her loyalty. Loyalty is a beautiful thing.

If she values her marriage she will continue to put off the suggestions and advances of others.

But when one is unhappy in a marriage other people pick up on that too and will help you out anytime.

She needs to ask herself is she is sending out messages that she is disatisfied and unhappy.
zagor

Why would she be telling you something like that, considering that you are one of those
Was that just her way of winking at you, "hey bad boy, how about it?"

In my experience I haven't seen a lady talking so openly to a man about such things unless she is your sister, wife of some naive christian chick who is first time in a big city ...
poodlehead

Even though sexual harassment is talked about in the work place. It still goes on. I have had bosses come write out and ask me. And not in a suttle way. My manager was always touching me and then one night when we were alone he took me into the back room. It had a couch for customers and he was sitting there and he asked me to sit down and so he could talk to me. The conversation quickly got off work and he grabed my hand and started pulling me to him. He was fully erect. I don't think that was in my imagination. The problem is proving it. You have to have witnesses. It can't be a she said he said. Trust me if she is nice looking......or breathing. She probable is being hit on. And a lot of men want to find a married women because they don't get two involved. I know many men and women who only date married people. Sad.
No I don't think she should be commended. Not cheating on your spouse should go without saying. It is a given. Maybe her husband should be commended. If he is taking care of business at home, then there would be no temptation.
That's how I feel about my husband. No one can give me what he gives me. Emotionally and sexually. I don't need any one else.
poodlehead

Also it is hard to say without knowing the women and how she said it. But she could be hinting that it is something she is looking for. That does happen. You may not have looked at her that way until she brought it up. But there again it is speculation. We can't judge the intent of her conversation if we didn't here it.
My husband has a female best friend and she is beautiful. If she had this conversation with him I wouldn't think a thing of it. I know her and trust her. They have talked about EVERYTHING. She even sent him a web site for ording a sex pillow that she ordered for her and her husband. Thinking we might like one. If it had been someother women that did this I might get really pissed off. I would probably think she is trying to get into his pants.
So it's hard to say without hearing the conversation. I would give her the benifet of the doubt and say she was blowing off steam. Now if she keeps bringing it up, I might worry that she is suggesting something.
greendawn

This woman didn't say she was being crudely harassed but rather irritated by the many indirect sexual invitations she was getting from men with ulterior motives. I am sure she is not lying she is the wife of my cousin and is rather religious thanks to her upbringing, but not a JW.

Being the wife of one of my cousins that I respect a lot I am glad she doesn't go along with the flow. I remember someone telling him before he got married that he would be better off not marrying with a very pretty woman because she would be chased by other men.
MinisterAmos

That would be a disturbed woman you are speaking with. Either she is imagining it because she wants to happen or is encouraging it.
The modern day worker has oodles of option to stop sexual harrasment (includes flirting) in its tracks.
The only reason it would continue is if she likes it.
95stormfront

The problem is proving it. You have to have witnesses. It can't be a she said he said.

This is absolutely not true.....you don't have to have two witnesses to prove sexual harassment.
If a man as come on to you inappropriately, then it is a sure bet that he's done it with someone else or has a habit of that type of behaivor with women in either word or deed. In an investigation of sexual harassment all that has to be proven is was his act either extreme, or does it have a pattern of pervasiveness based upon what an average "woman", not man would think.
If he makess claim that he didn't "mean it that way", that in itself will not get him off the hook, just him subjecting you to that type of "environment" unwelcoming to you is enough to constitute sexual harassment.
In the workplace, you have to be extremely careful about the context of which sexual topics or contact are discussed, if at all. I've seen to many instances of where an "off the cuff" comment, an unwelcomed "squeeze on the shoulder", to the extreme of a guy not taking no for an answer, from guys who've otherwise done great jobs and were long term excellent employees get fired for sexual harrassment because they've gotten a little to friendly with female employees and thought they were on safe ground.
I preach and practice two rules with respect to keepiing clear of this type of accusation.
If you're a single guy, never, and I mean NEVER try to get your P**** and your paycheck at the same place.
And, if you're married, don't do or say anything to a woman in the workplace that you wouldn't say or do if you had your mother or wife standing next to you.
I've seen too many otherwise good guys go down from breakinig either of those two rules.
White Waves

I worked for a large company and my coworker women felt I was missing out. They encouraged who they thought was the most eligible bachelor to pursue me and told him I said things I didn't. It went on and on. I was miserable. I was not only a "trying to be a good JW against my inclinations) but he was much older and very much opinionated and tight assed. He seemed to be everywhere. Then, his department reorganized their work stations and he was directly across from me. In anger, he and his jerk friends decided to bet on which one would F me first (got that info from 2 co-workers on the same elevator - people seem to think others on an elevator don't have ears...). Pressure to go golfing with 3 men, dinner or clubbing with 3-8 other me, car rides home (I took the bus most days) continued. Even when I was dating men outside of work it continued. When I finally I married I emphasized my happiness (lie) and it ended.
When I worked at a factory in the office, the same bets came up. Factory workers are in factory clothes, they get dirty and work physically. I was the only office girl and was required to wear a skirt. I had to go to the shop floor on a regular basis. I was in my late twenties and the bets were laid then too. I am sure it was just in jest but guys show off in front of other guys. Some guys, when alone with me for payroll or medical coverage issues would tell me they were sorry, felt coerced, or just pain spill the beans. The point is, I didn't get sucked in to this. It is just because in case 1, I was the youngest in the group and in case 2 the only female. Regardless, I could understand that any involvement with any male would end up in full details, blown out of proportion to the other males and the destruction of my reputation and authority. Some women do not see this far into the future. I was definitely interested in a few of these men but didn't chance it based on the overall danger to me. I remained friends with them and did not mix work with pleasure.
I didn't announce to others my predictament but it was stressful and frustrating at times. The owner even claimed he would F me before deer hunting season. That didn't happen and I made sure we looked at odds. When he and his managers came back from deer hunting, everyone heard how he only would F red-headed whores because he had to get his rocks off because I was a cold-frigid B. I left shortly after that. The men that confided in me the gossip of the rest helped make my work environment more bearable and understandable but it still meant I had to move on. I wouldn't get anywhere without Fing this owner and I knew it. Harrassment does exist - directly or indirectly. Often, it is an environment promoted by a few men, but not diminished by the men that don't agree. These men bite their tongues or smile and laugh like they are part of it all because they lack the balls to differ in behavior. I do not praise these men, I dispise them. If they said early on, let's knock it off, guys, a lot less of this would get out of hand.
Confession

Of course stuff like this happens, but (I think) perhaps even more often it's the I-Want-You-To-Want-Me complex. I've seen it so many times, I swear, I might be becoming an expert.
We all want to be wanted. Some more than others I suppose. To many, there is nothing more flattering than having persons of the opposite sex pursuing them. Of course it is generally socially unacceptable for women to openly and shamelessly flirt with their male workmates in the workplace. (Yes, I know some do.) So they do it privately. What women get away with in the places where I have worked was (hooboy!) unbelievable.
Then all it takes is a comment that is, perhaps, one eighth as potentially objectionable as hers, and she RUNS to the nearest friend to share...
(Sigh) You won't believe what Joe just said to me. (Eye roll, then she exaggerates his comment.) Men are such dogs, y'know? He just so wants to f--- me; you can see it in his eyes.
Forget that she had spent two months grabbing his ass, whispering provocative comments into his ear, and relating the wildly sexual dreams she'd had about him the night before.
Mary

To many, there is nothing more flattering than having persons of the opposite sex pursuing them. Of course it is generally socially unacceptable for women to openly and shamelessly flirt with their male workmates in the workplace. (Yes, I know some do.) So they do it privately. What women get away with in the places where I have worked was (hooboy!) unbelievable.

Yes, but there are also those cases where someone decides to go after you, no matter the consequences. Several years ago, one of my boss' peers made it more that clear that he found me attractive. He would constantly seek me out, tell me how much he liked blondes, blah, blah, blah.......I made every effort to avoid him and most certainly never gave him any encouragment. One day he called me to his office on the pretext that he needed some info and he made a far more serious pass at me. I was semi-shocked and got the hell out of there, went back to my office and locked the door.
I felt really dirty after this encounter and ended up talking to my old boss in another dept. about it. She immediately phoned the Sexual Harassment office and told them what happened. I hadn't given them this guys name because he was close to retirement and I didn't want to ruin his life over an indiscretion. They tried tooth and nail to get his name but I decided against it but I assured them that if he tried anything again, I would tell them who it was. Fortunately, he retired about 5 months later so I never had to see him again.

A wife chased by other men at work

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