This "freak'in" Divorce class from another church - damn'it...

by Confucious 18 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  TMS

  Would you really want "untrained volunteers" giving you direction in any aspect of your life?

  Elders are given absolutely no tools to deal with marital unhappiness, depression, alcoholism, low self-esteem, etc.

  While one in a thousand JW elders might have some life experience-based advice that could be helpful, the range of specific counsel from the spectrum of men serving as elders would border on idiocy. Some of these good old boys who make you chuckle when they stumble through their Service Meeting parts are absolutely dangerous when trying to help people make life decisions.

  tms
• 

  lawrence

  TMS-

  Right On! ...idiocy....
• 

  Confucious

  TMS.

  You are right, but in my cong - you were also looked upon as weak and unspiritual to go to a pyschological conselor or a certified marriage counselor or something like that.

  ((((sigh)))))
• 

  merfi

  (((confucious)))

  I could have written your post three years ago, er, four (huh, I guess time DOES heal). My now-ex screwed me over big time -- emotionally and mentally. Found himself a lil floozy and was gone more than home. I went to the elders for support. They just looked at me all stoopid-like and told me "we can't do anything until he gets caught doing something unscriptural". That wasn't the reason I talked to you friggin idiots -- I need SUPPORT!! It had been drilled into our conservative circle of 'friends' (tm) that therapy was all bad, so that wasn't an option. But I was falling apart... Long story short, I never DID get any support through any of my 'down's the few years following. It was always "there's an article you should read..." The WTS is not able to deal with REAL life problems... an "article" and "research" always has the answer, and something is WRONG with ya if it doesn't magically fix the problem. Stupidness.

  ..and like you, the elders suddenly sprang to life when I was doing something disfellowship-able.

  ~merfi
• 

  TMS

  and like you, the elders suddenly sprang to life when I was doing something disfellowship-able.

  ~merfi

  That's all they're trained to do. If you attended a Kingdom Ministry School for the elders, you would see every nuance of the disfellowshipping scenario discussed and rehearsed.

  No practical training for actually dealing with family problems is ever given. Old platitudes like "the Word of God has power", "pray for holy spirit", "being active in God's service is a protection" are the magical answer to any problem.

  Interestingly enough, when the discussion is opened up for elders to ask their instructors specific questions, the questions almost always deal with some aspect of their judicial role: what constitutes proof, what constitutes a "practice" of sinning, how to determine repentence, implementing restrictions, when to rerecommend those who have been judicially dealt with, ad nauseum.

  I think the reason for this emphasis is that giving practical help with family or personal problems goes against several core beliefs of Jehovah's Witnesses. JW's magically become "better fathers, mothers, children, employees" as a result of "applying Bible principles". They are the "happiest people on earth." Worldly counselors using material not based of "God's Word" would simply hijack all this happiness.

  tms
• 

  seattleniceguy

  I really enjoyed reading the insightful comments of TMS. BTT!

  SNG
• 

  poodlehead

  Boy does this sound familliar.

  I tried for years for the elders to talk to my Ex-husband. And they did NOTHING! They refused to talk to him.

  My husband refussed to have sex with me. A way of trying to control me. He didn't need it and I did. So by not giving in he would try and control me. I went without for almost 9 years. I sure made up for it quickly after the divorce though.

  My Grandmother and Grandfather were Catholics. When my Grandfather screwed up and was drinking to much. The priest took my Grandmother and the kids and put them in a convent. When he came home from work he was waiting for him. He told him."I have taken your wife and familly from you. You have brought shame on your family from your drinking. If you want your family back. You will have to court you wife all over again. If she excepts you I will remarry you." Then he took his wedding ring off his finger. He had to sweet talk her with two ugly Nuns giving him the evil eye. After a month of going there each day, he got his family back.

  Now that's how you make an impact.
• 

  White Waves

  I had the same problems with the ELDERS at our congs. They tried not to help and then when cornered, gave canned, generic answers (it takes two, it is 50/50, don't go to bed angry, blah, blah, blah). Then, they would say they are available if we need anything else. Then they run like hell out the door and do not answer the phone or the vms. At the KH, they are "too busy" or get away before you can corner their asses. F them all. I used to say "OK, so they are not TRAINED MINISTERS, like in other religions. But their hearts will make them want to help. F that. They don't give a f. They want the power, the position, but not the resposibilities. They do nothing to really help. Whether it is marital, rape, depression (they avoid then - good for fading), health issues, etc.) The WBTS has all of these Elder classes each year but they focus on punishment of those wavering in faith and control of the masses. If they focused on actually teaching this moronic leaders of the KH to be able to comprehend the lives and the struggles of their people, how to aid them instead of guilting and shaming them for weaknesses, they would be more successful. I for one have found more support from governmental agencies after my "soon-to-be-ex-husband's" last arrest (for domestic violence and keeping me as a hostage) than I ever realized could exist anywhere. These groups and contacts have given me much growth and wisdom. I am free. He is still using this org. Soon, he'll have another woman in his trap and there is nothing I can do about it. The WBTS gives him an excuse to dominate and control. What he says carries more weight than the woman in his live. Now, if he can't capture me and re-program me, he tells me he will take a new wife that has children as he needs to exercise control over more than one. Plus, the children will act as motivation for submission to him. The cult draws and shelters people like this. Their structure makes these people not seem that far off the norm because of the isolation. I fear for his next wife, but I sure don't know how to stop it from happening. As far as I know, I can only keep myself safe from him and his sickness.
• 

  lawrence

  This thread is very heavy, and needs to be read. To many of the posters, my heart goes out to you.

  BTT.