Ballistic- i know what you mean about the dating scene in England, it`s mainly pubs, and if you don`t like them, you`ve had it!! Dr. Jekyll these sites can save people from going over the edge, as some are in a bad way, and it is only ex`s that truly understand where we are coming from.
Do you think it`s hard to have a relationship after you leave?
by dido 26 Replies latest jw friends
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ballistic
it`s mainly pubs, and if you don`t like them, you`ve had it
Yeah I know what you mean. I'm currently trying dating sites - I've recently met someone so I'll see how it goes. But I find in general, dating sites are polarised to extremes, young girls who's only interests are described as pubbing and clubbing (been there done that - over done that - got the t-shirt) and older single parent mothers (not a problem if you can get through all the baggage). My first experience with online dating was a money-grabber. It was an awful experience, and could have left me bitter but I carried on.
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Crumpet
How is the dating scene here in this country different from anywhere else though? Surely you can meet people through pursuing your interests and hobbies as has always been the case?
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dido
Trouble is Crumpet, after you been in the borg, you don`t have any hobbies or interests, as were told not to have any, and to devote all our time to the `kingdom interests`.
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Jim_TX
Right now, I am involved with the most wonderful woman that I could have ever hoped to find.
That said, I'll say that it is NOT impossible to find someone who was never a JW - who 'understands'.
Actually, I don't think I would even _want_ someone who 'understands' where we may have come from.
We do not hold an exclusive right to our poor experiences in an organization. One thing that I have learned through the years is that there will _always_ be someone else who has a tale to tell far worse than mine.
As for where to look for a companion... well... it's like I once told someone... the usual places that you meet someone is...
1) At Church - I ain't gonna be there
2) At Work - I used to work at home - no one there to meet
3) At a Bar - I don't go to those places
So - that doesn't leave much else.
One recommendation that I have is...
4) College - go take some classes at a local community college - night school, if ya have to.
5) Join a club - or organization that offers activities.
etc.
The last piece of advice... just when you have about given up on finding someone... it will happen. You'll meet the most attractive/handsome, intelligent, compatible person that you could ever hope to find. (Sometimes ya gotta kiss a lot of Frogs to find your Prince.)
I wish you well in your journey.
Regards,
Jim TX -
looking_glass
I agree with cyber. If you find someone who is understanding it is not a problem. I have been with the same guy for years. He has never met my family. He has never been a jerk about it. If anything he is very understanding. The issue is not the religion or the way I was raised. I am terrified of having someone under foot 24/7, so the M word is what always causing the relationship to go south, never the religion I was raised in.
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Tez
Well I have to say it was easier for me than I ever thought possible. My daughter educated me in the use of the internet to find friends. That was what I was looking for, actually female friends, and was a wee bit scared, but I found some really genuine people!! I had always thought it would be a dangerous enterprise meeting people via the internet. True you have to be careful, but in this world today you have to be careful everywhere. Initially we would chat via emails, a bit online, then via telephone. This was how I met my soul mate and I have never regretted one second of it! He has never been a JW, but encourages me to be 'myself', something I had never done, from an early age I was always a 'people pleaser'. Having been married to a JW for 30 years I have now been liberated from all that stifled me. I truly feel loved, cherished and protected more than I have ever done in my whole life, and I feel less guilty as time goes on. Yes having been a JW is hard for folk to understand, but everyone has a 'history' of some sort, so we all have to adapt and try to understand each other. If you find a genuine friend they will give you the time to talk things through and will do their best to support you, that is what we are all seeking, that sort of friend irrespective of whether it develops into a relationship. I am just so happy that mine did, but I would have been content at the time to find new friends. Hope you find someone who will make you as happy as I now am... keep on searching!!
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ballistic
How is the dating scene here in this country different from anywhere else though?
Well, I could be wrong. Perhaps some of our posters in other countries can help. I don't want to generalise about English ladettes and chavs and women who think they are "all that" and look down their nose at you...! in case I rattle anyone's cage.
I've only been out with one woman from another country and that was a young Spanish girl; she was a princess.
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greendawn
It may be hard at first because of the JW ideas that all people are bad and satanic outside the WTS, which is of course a big lie, there are many bad people in the world but also many that are much nicer than the average JW. It's a case of choosing the right people.
Of course the JWs themselves have plenty of problems within their own society with child abusers, a dictatorial leadership etc -
Kudra
Yes! -It was so hard to have real relationships after the JWs. I mean both platonic and romantic ones.
I think the big obstacle to overcome is to get past the "us vs them" mentality that we have had indoctrinated into ourselves for our whole lives. -That's a whopping 20 YEARS for me... Hard to see normal people as on our side.
There is this sort of intrinsic relating that I always had with witnesses - Like I'm sure a lot of you, like myself could have a great conversation/time with anyone they just met who they found out was a witness (back when we were in).
I want to feel that way about people who are not witnesses. It's hard though.
-K