Actually, I left married and still married to the same person and we both left the religion. I did have a hard time making friends for awhile and then it slowly just kind of built itself up as I became less judgemental. I think being judgemental is something we have a hard time shaking off as Witnesses.
Do you think it`s hard to have a relationship after you leave?
by dido 26 Replies latest jw friends
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looking_glass
Kudra - I do think you will find the same thing (an instant connection with someone). The question becomes are we less social as people once we stop going to the hall, assemblies, gatherings? If so, then the pond we are fishing from does get smaller. I think the more we are open to the possibility that the person sitting next to us is a kindred spirit the more likely it is true. If we make it a point to be social humans, then our chances of meeting someone, friend or otherwise, is greater.I have a GF (not JW, never been a JW) who is the size of my pinkie. She is tall, long legs, beautiful, great smile, great sense of humor, she is all that and a bag of chips. She complains on a regular basis how she has not had a date in 2 years. But she never puts herself out there. She hangs out with us all the time, she does not go to social events, she does not join clubs or play sports with a social league. I love her to death and I have tried to tell her that you get what you give.
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Kudra
Thanks, looking_glass, I really am trying to get better at that. I tend to be a little judgemental and when I get a handle on that I find that interesting encounters of all kinds tend to fall into my lap. (didn't mean to make that sound dirty...)
It is amazing how people pick up on subconcious type stuff like that- it is so obvious to me how people react so differently to me when I am feeling positive and accepting than when I am being a huge grump.
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looking_glass
It is tough Kudra. We all have our ebbs and flows, when it comes to relationships. Your day will come. And when it does, you may think, boy I wish I were single.
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Jamelle
Do you think it`s hard to have a relationship after you leave?
I was lucky, I guess, in that I was able to widen my social horizons before I "exited" the dubs. It just so happened that I got along well with several people that I worked with. I went out with them, met their friends and those friend's friends, etc.
Volunteering for a local animal shelter also led to meeting new people, making new friends, etc. Joined a local amatuer volleyball tournament and that was alot of fun too!
Of the guys I've dated since I left the borg, two I met via friends from work, one I met at a nightclub and one I met online at a dating site.
I married the guy I met online. Funny how that worked out...
I have found that although my husband does not share the experience of growing up in/leaving a cult-like environment, he at least is willing to listen sympathetically when I need to vent. There are some things he can never understand, but for that I have other ex-JWs and this board.
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serendipity
Hi Jamelle,
You hit on an important point. We'll never find one person to meet ALL of our emotional needs. If you've found one who's sympathetic to your ex-JW baggage and listens to the venting, you're fortunate.
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dido
Hi Tez, just to say thanks for your experience on this subject, it has given me a bit of hope. Dianne.