by cognisonance 47 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
For me it is important that I not let other people's thoughts or behaviors define who I am or change my behavior. Ultimately, that's what got me out of the organization. -Sail Away
I just love this Sail Away. Breaking the cycle of abuse is so important to me too. For me it means not passing down bitterness about my past to my daughter, not seeking revenge on my family and not becoming cynical about the whole world but showing compassion to others. Why should I let other people define me?
cognisonance -
"We can't keep doing this. We just can't"
"We love you so much, but you know we shouldn't be talking with you."
"We must trust that doing things Jehovah's way, no matter how much we don't want too or how much it hurts, will be the best course of action in the long run"
Hi cognisonance, Have you asked your parents questions about thier good-bye statements? Something like , "How can you love me so much, but don't want to talk with me? If you love me so much you would want to spend as much time with me as I want with you. Not talking with me and loving me unconditionally only convinces me that I made the right choice to critically think for myself instead of blindly following instructions from imperfect men."
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
By the way, a few days ago I emailed my mom and invited her out to lunch since she works close by to me. I tell her I love her and was thinking about her.
I was wondering what would happen if you dropped by her workplace, brought donuts to the staff, introduced yourself, and just spent a minute talking to her in a nice way, saying you just wanted to say hello. Act like you have a wonderful relationship. Little tidbits like that would put subtle pressure on her through her workmates' nice comments. At the least they would start dialogue about the way they also love their children and how thankful she should be to have a wonderful child like you.
You will get nowhere by trying to go the route of questioning the WTS doctrines. However, love is a powerful emotion....doesn't the Bible condemn those who have "no natural affection?"
SnuggleBunny, thank you you for posting that 8-1-74 Watchtower. Paragraph 21 is exactly what I was talking about. There was a time when you could talk to DF family but not about spiritual things.
I will use that WT information with JW's in the future . It sure shows that their GOD was more loving and balanced 40 years ago.
"We must trust that doing things Jehovah's way, no matter how much we don't want too or how much it hurts, will be the best course of action in the long run"
How does that make ANY sense at all?
"Mom, dad: I love you both very much and would like for us to spend more time together. The only, and I mean THE ONLY, thing stopping that is you."
It helped me when I had a parent who was an alcoholic when I went to Al-Anon a support group to help people who have loved ones who are addicted. The first thing I learned was that I could not change them, I could only change me (and that can be difficult too). I learned to find a healthy way to live my own life and protect myself from the actions of the abusers, yes, abusers.
I found new friends and family that were supportive even though not jws. What an idea. I finally cut off my association with my jw family after 10 years of trying and getting hurt. My husband and I have been so much happier.
I left because after 40 years and several congregations, I did not see or experience the love that Jesus said his true followers would show. Interestingly, children of alcoholics miss that love but everyone says parents show that love. It's very confusing to try to see love in the abuse.
Try to improve yourself, make new friends, learn new things, find people who can give your support.
Hey I'm really sorry about your situation. I know so many people here can truly sympathise. No it's not right and it is never about love and wishing the df'd person to come back. The new rule a while back was that certain chosen sheeple could make ministry calls on the df'd to encourage them back and to talk spiritually with these ones! Elder approved nominees of course. Bizarre little rules they make up for themselves. I have discussed many times with my elder bro about having a family gathering for my Mum including my df'd bro while she is still alive instead of an awkward funeral but no way. Could not put aside faith for a day. I've argued that IS their faith so weak that their conscience be that affected by showing love for our Mum?
I really think that in their heads they get kudos from big J or the borg for displaying such unfaltering loyalty. I have given up that score but point out the hypocrisy of talking to me or my nieces who no longer practice that in all reality we are just the same sinners but eh - we don't have a label or were clever enough to be 'sorry' and not get the label.
It's like banging your head into a watermelon. Why do it, it's silly but very funny. You have some really great advice in these posts and really wish you well but remember to love yourself first and forgive yourself first. You may well be able to forgive your folks then. Cheers
Thanks for all the comments everyone. As regards loving myself, I have taken care of that part. I have lots of friends now. Just the other day I drove through an area that I haven't lived in for over 7 years. I then reflected on my life back then and thought, my god I was depressed back then. Then I though, hmm... I didn't think of my self as being depressed when I lived here. While not quite the best articulation of thought, depression is the term I keep coming back to. While in the cult, I never felt happy. I had the guilt of never feeling like I was doing enough, guilt of being content with my life as is (not wanting to reach out more, something my ex always wanted to do), etc.
Now I have intellectual freedom and the lack of guilt. I can explore evolutionary biology to my hearts desire and it's so gratifying to me. Returning to university is a dream that I am now living. Life is wonderful. I say I was depressed when I was in the cult because I can compare how I feel now to how I felt then. I can compare what life is like on the outside.
I feel like Andy Dufresne free and enjoying life on the beach reflecting on my life and how much better it is compared to the Shawshank prison. Life is indeed good for me. I am so happy to be where I am today. Like Andy, I just hope to see my friend Red show up one day.
