The last cry for help as faith burns out

Qcmbr

Many here have lost once bedrock faith via various means. Like a sun burning up all its fuel I find some people experience a last explosive attempt to retain faith before finally walking away spent and unfulfilled. Did you have a moment when you gambled all on a last attempt to get God's attention and answer all those inexorable doubts? Would you be willing to share them?

Here's some examples of what I've heard / experienced.

1 - The last prayer where you lay everything on the line.
2 - A period of 'absolute' obedience.
3 - Seeking some form of spiritual experience / witness.
4 - Being really 'bad' to provoke or test and spiritual responses.

I'm interested as I'm looking at various angles on why 'God' didn't respond (other than the obvious:)

Dune

Right before i simply stopped caring, i had a part in the Circuit Assembly. For about 4 months aftwards i tried, i REALLY tried to hold back leaving, i even stopped posting on JWD for a week or two and ferverently pray for god to give me a sign that all of this (JWD) was a lie and that i was foolish. Then i ordered COC and that took care of that, lol. :-).

under_believer

I once tried #1. Actually many #1's, for months--Jehovah can you hear me? Jehovah I need a sign. Jehovah I want it all to be true. Jehovah, I study all the time now, I pray all the time now, I read the Bible all the time now. I am doing what you have asked. Please give me the understanding. I have faith. Help me out where I need faith. Many fruitless tears were shed during these sessions... sessions which now just appear pathetic and ridiculous.

Man, that was totally fruitless. I decided at that point that either Jehovah didn't care about ANYONE; or he didn't care about me personally, and that I must be totally unredeemable.

I coasted along for a couple of years after that.

For the last few months I've been doing #4--I registered to vote, and I have made an appointment to give blood. I post on JWD now and doubtless I will give my true identity away on here through some slip of the fingers, at some point. None of this is public, yet, though I imagine I can't keep any of it secret forever.

Narkissos

I once was scared of losing faith...

until I realised that it takes faith to lose faith.

O LORD, my heart is not lifted up,
my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
too great and too marvelous for me.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother;
my soul is like the weaned child that is with me.

(Psalm 131)

Perhaps there is a time to be weaned.

trevor

I read - The Rubaiyat By Omar Khayyam

One hundred and five verses. It became my bible and I realized that I had been tricked. I quote just one verse below.

Indeed the Idols I have loved so long

Have done my credit in this World much wrong:

Have drown'd my Glory in a shallow Cup

And sold my Reputation for a Song.

Check it out:

http://classics.mit.edu/Khayyam/rubaiyat.html

AuldSoul

Trevor,

When I was about 15, I found a 1917 edition of the Rubaiyat in a junk store. I fell in love with it, too.

IX
Each Morn a thousand Roses brings, you say;
Yes, but where leaves the Rose of Yesterday?
And this first Summer month that brings the Rose
Shall take Jamshyd and Kaikobad away. X
Well, let it take them! What have we to do
With Kaikobad the Great, or Kaikhosru?
Let Zal and Rustum bluster as they will,
Or Hatim call to Supper--heed not you XI
With me along the strip of Herbage strown
That just divides the desert from the sown,
Where name of Slave and Sultan is forgot--
And Peace to Mahmud on his golden Throne! XII
A Book of Verses underneath the Bough,
A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread--and Thou
Beside me singing in the Wilderness--
Oh, Wilderness were Paradise enow!

Knowing the temporal and geographical context of this, he was quite a brave man. He kept his own thoughts and shared them more freely than was safe to do at the time.

Qcmbr, I will send you a PM with my responses.

Respectfully,
AuldSoul

Qcmbr

Last post for me before bedtime - I was prompted to ask this after reading an article which mentioned the old testament approach of wrestling with God - rather than bowing the head and waiting for some divine benevolence there are those stories of disagreements and reasoning with God rather than the more passive acceptance model that seems to rule now. I've spent a lot of time feeling like I'm in a 'wait for it - it'll happen if I just hang on a bit longer' mode when maybe what is required is proactive decision and a greater sense of daring when approaching God. Of course for many here I guess that verve for life has come by rejecting the strictures of dogma and I can't help the sneaking feeling that 'if' God is watching us that maybe just maybe he's chuffed when we get off our butts and have a bit of a rage at the heavens and show some passion for our lives and choice making ability.

Satanus

For me, it was none of those. After reading a long treatise on the flood, i was shown some contradictions in genesis, and that was the end of my bible faith. Then, i was able to accept all the others and that many things in the bible were ridiculous.

S

just2sheep

why would jehovah answer a prayer seeking help to stay in the godless wtb&ts? maybe he did answer, he said get away from the unclean thing so that their judgement is not your judgement. i think this shows his concern both for individuals and all people. i mean, do you think god would answer anyones plea for help with... go in service more,turn in your time on time, and whatever you do associate with the pharisees as much as possible. i don't think so. i am suprised sometimes at this equating the society with god and vice versa. first i would be sure who i was praying to. and if you are praying to stay in the borg perhaps you aren't praying to jehovah but to jaracz.

there is no such thing as absolute obedience. humans are not capable of this and prove it all the time. you can't work your way into jehovah's good graces. my efforts to do this are no better than your efforts to do this. this method is doomed from the go.

many people seek spiritual experience/witness and when it comes they ignore it because it isn't what they expected or it isn't what they wanted or they just didn't recognize it. is this god's fault?

what kind of response do you expect from doing something really bad? something really good? jesus did not jump from the precipice. he knew there could be an unhappy ending to such a foolish act and acted accordingly. the problem i see with people who choose this method as a test of god's loyalty is...they jump and then blame jehovah for not stopping them. and if he didn't stop them he must not exist.

as for my own experience...i have always asked for two things---knowledge and discernment. and i have been blessed with both. i'm not talking about academic knowledge. the knowledge some of us have gained about the true workings of the wtb&ts is a blessing without measure. without this knowledge it would be very difficult to discern the truth behind the lies. and without knowledge we might fall into the trap of jaracz says instead of jehovah says.

with what we know about identity theft i think jehovah would have good case against the christian congregation of jehovah's witnesses.

j2s

Narkissos

j2s,

For all I know Qcmbr is not a JW...

The last cry for help as faith burns out

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