Should I make a stink about this or not? (page 4)

lonelysheep

Merfi,

I advise you to go HR and have this documented. It doesn't matter what reasons you left or that you were ever jw in the first place---that kind of personal business is not supposed to be spoken of in the workplace!!!

uninformed

listen to scully!

snarf

I agree with Scully and Joe grundy and the others that posted the idea of writing a short and sweet note, then going straight to your supervisor and informing her of the convo. and requesting the note be put in her file. Cover your back. You never know what will come up next. Also, I got the impression from your story that your friend never told her your name, that the witness just assumed it was you...which in my book is even worse, to tell things about you when your name was really never brought up to begin with. And on the issue of DF'D or DA'D, don't mess with it. You know the truth...lol. It will just confuse everyone but the witness, and she won't believe you anyway. Just make sure you give her a good "bird flippin" off work property and time of course..

Scully

In a professional setting, one's belief system must be kept in check with respect to colleagues, and she has crossed the line and is creating a hostile work environment for you. Religious harassment is no different from harassment on the basis of race, gender, or disability, particularly if the outcome is increased stress for the involved parties, breakdown of "the team" and loss of morale between colleagues.

This is the kind of wording that you need to use with management/HR and with her.

You also need to be careful to abstain from making derogatory comments about JWs, otherwise she could make similar allegations against you. I think you're on safe ground if you talk about "your perspective" and "your personal experience", but you have to be careful and avoid making characterizations about JWs in general (even if they're true and make JWs look like nincompoops), otherwise she'll have grounds to start documenting things against you.

wednesday

do you think for one seond that this jws woman would let you get away with spreading rumors about her in a professional workplace? Not for a second. She'd be in HR whining so fast it would make your head spin. It is not vindictive to stop her from acting in an unprofessional manner, b/c if she continues this nonsene, it will eventually cause you problems , one way or the other.. She sounds like a teenager spreading rumors. JWS do not announce at the kh why someone is df or anything. How'd she know this anyhow?

you can't let people walk on you in a professional job setting. For all you that believe that people will only laugh at the word fonicator, well, I guess you do not live in the Bible Belt. Many jobs have very religious people in them and they WILL CARE if yu are said to be a fornicator, adultor, involved with spiritism, drunk, drug abuser, stealing, or just kicked out of your church for ANY REASON. That sounds bad, it is like being fired or banned from some place. people do care. it could seriously effect you. for your reputation sake you need to stop ths woman right now in her tracks. I'd do exaclty what Scully said.

if you do not think this is serious, stop for one second and think about anyone who you hold in high esteem, anyone. for me, I'll just say, Opraph whinfery? what do you thiink? what if she had been kicked out of her church. would you want to know why and then wonder about her? would it effect how you feel about her if the first baptist church felt the need t kick her out and she was now shunned by them all?

JWS get away with way too much. They use DF b/c it works.shunning works, it can seriusly effect your reputation in your comunity.

If you let this slide, you may live to regret it. It is not funny , it is actually very serious.

Scully

Another thing I was just pondering is that if you decide to have a nose-to-nose with this co-worker, your best approach is to deal with what she said, not why she said it. In other words, don't even mention the context of JWs, because otherwise she could construe it as religious harassment and Persecution™.

You could approach her and say something like, "Listen, I need to talk to you about our professional working relationship. I understand that you called me a fornicator in front of one of our colleagues. I don't care why you did it, but if you take it upon yourself to discuss my personal life, which you know NOTHING about, behind my back you need to make sure you aren't spreading malicious rumors and gossip where it is unwelcome. It makes you look very foolish and unprofessional, and people will not respect you for being a malicious back stabber. I've made a written complaint to HR/management about this incident and I am having it documented as harassment. I am happy to maintain a completely professional relationship with you, and I expect the same from you. Don't let this happen ever again."

I would not even give her a chance to try to back pedal or explain herself. She'll only start into JW-think and JW-speak... and if she starts talking about how you can "come back" or how you "need to change your ways", you can say "I am not interested in discussing the matter further, particularly if you are going to harass me with your religious beliefs. I doubt you want to have that on your file in HR in addition to the complaint that I've already lodged."

rebel8

If it was me, I'd make a stink. I have no idea if this constitues slander from a legal standpoint, but I'd approach it from the workplace professionalism standpoint. The hospital is paying this woman to work, not to spend her time gossiping--so there is a productivity/misconduct issue. Secondly, surely this behavior violated work rules by being disrespectful to fellow employees.

merfi

Ok, here it is. A bit harsh, maybe, so editing feedback is welcome!

It has come to my attention that you have made false and misleading statements about my personal life to my colleagues.
I left the Jehovah’s Witnesses voluntarily, for reasons that are none of your business. To say I was “disfellowshiped” for “fornication” is gross speculation on your part, which became malicious slander when you verbalized it to another person.
Slanderous statements such as this are actionable per se under the law, and if you continue to make such remarks, I will take any and all appropriate legal action against you.
As well, you should note, any judicial business that occurred within the context of the Jehovah’s Witnesses is confidential because it falls under the realm of ecclesiastical privilege . You, as well as the elders involved, can be sued for defamation of character for violating this confidentiality.
I will be keeping a copy of this letter in my file at work, at home and with my attorney. I trust that this is sufficient warning and you will desist in making maligning remarks against me.

Scully

I've tweaked it a little:

It has come to my attention that you have made false, misleading and derogatory statements about my personal life to my colleagues. This unprofessional attack on my good name, character and professional reputation was uncalled for and, in my opinion, constitutes religious harassment and the creation of a hostile work environment by you against me.

I left the Jehovah’s Witnesses voluntarily, for reasons that are absolutely none of your business. To say I was “disfellowshiped” for “fornication” is gross speculation on your part, which became malicious slander when you verbalized it to another person.

Slanderous statements such as this are actionable per se under the law, and if you continue to make such remarks, I will take any and all appropriate legal action against you, including reporting each incident of harassment to management and human resources, and, if necessary, to the State Nursing Board.

As well, you should note, any judicial business that occurred within the context of the Jehovah’s Witnesses is confidential because it falls under the realm of ecclesiastical privilege . You, as well as the elders involved, can be sued for defamation of character for violating this confidentiality.

I will be keeping a copy of this letter in my file at work, at home and with my attorney. I trust that this is sufficient warning and you will desist in ~~making maligning remarks~~ any and all manner of religious harassment against me.

merfi

Thanks Scully!!

**gathering the balls to send it** I know it needs done -- like you and others have said, if I don't nip it now, what's to stop her from doing this again. The hospital we work at is quite small (350 employees) so we all know one another (and each others' kids, pets, cars... ya get the picture). I know who my friends are, and I know that they could really give less than a crap about this girl and she will eventually bury her own reputation by her religious weirdness. But -- the point is that if the situation was reversed and I was telling her workmates/friends about HER dirt, then I'm sure she'd have a fit, call down HR on me and whine "persecution" to the elders blah blah.

I think I've just talked myself into hitting "print" and licking an envelope.

Thanks much for your help
~merfi

Should I make a stink about this or not?

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