thanks lily I really needed a laugh tonight. I didn't read everybody else's yet so forgive me if I'm repeating material already used: My comments in the end in bold.
The Brothers:
"I am a regular pioneer and part-time caretaker at the Assembly Hall in Crownsville, MD. I hope to continue serving in these capacities or more till the end comes." ("I hope to marry and move my bride into the lovely tiny caretakers apartment if the old guy living in it ever dies, er, finishes his earthly course. Reduced rent if she does the flowerbeds!")
" I don't have very many convictions besides wanting to serve Jehovah full-time, as for everything else i am just kinda like eh... whatever :P" (I have no clue about life and someday that is gonna smack me in the face, hard!"
"Some of my immediate goals include obtaining a national heavy equipment operator’s license; this will be useful in Jehovah's organization. " (Useful:Read: get a good enough spiritual rep to attract a hot pioneer wife.)
"Looking for a siste rwho is humble,balanced,not too independent,submissive,and respectful and forgiving. Also want to serve Jehovah togethr and to encourage eachother allways. "---(She better be willing to ask no questions, never say no and let me decide what is and isn't god's will for us in the bedroom."
"I currently work at a cemetery, (which any day now should have a going out of business sign in front of it ,...te he hehe)"------(It's a dead end job...but then, I could be cleaning office buildings like the rest of the pioneers!)
"It makes sense that He loves others and wants humans to live happily in a paradise and that a ransom was necessary to restore it. It makes sense that it is the most widespread religion and that everyone in every country of age, race, gender etc. has a chance but only those with good hearts truly understand it." (Most widespread???Are they kidding me? Have they never heard how many buddists and...oh hell nevermind.)
"I am not very good writing so I guess I in trouble especially since I am not that good looking either oh well. Oh yeah I am also 30 so I am over the hill too." (My mother told me so, as she tucked me in and kissed me goodnight, leaving my warm milk on the bedside table. Any woman who marries me gets the extra blessing of Mother, who will live with me the rest of her life.")
"I get told that I'm a good communicator and very very handsome. But I try to just be modest in my thoughts about myself."----(Signed, Brother Narcissus. He's gonna be a funboy to live with!)
"I am very outgoing, and interested in any sport that involves balls, a stick or a puck." (Also interested in boobs. Big, round boobs)
"I know CPR and can save you when you almost drown in my Hot Tub or while we're swimming off the dock in my backyard. I also am a LICENSED MASSAGE THERAPIST. I am in shape athletically toned, I have to be for both my jobs. Who would want a massage from a slob? "(Ewwww. That is wrong on so many levels. I'm imagining massage oil spilling into the slimy tub and yeah, what Aude said about him reviving her...EcK! Run AWAY!)
" I love to engage in the ministry regulary,read the bible daily, attend meetings regularly not forgetting commenting at meetings, if i don't engage in these activities i feel like loosing out in Jehovah's organization,cause only in this way we can stick to Jehovah,improve in our relationship with him and serve him faithfully." (Uh Oh. They forgot to capitolize Him. They're gonna get it when the big A comes!)
"im ernegertic, handsome, honorable looking face.i love Jehovah God and his commandments especialy which against fornication." (I've tried it twice, and it took my dad weeks to sweep it under the carpet with the rest of the elder body! Did I mention that I'm also the MOST modest person on earth?)
"the one should be beautieful,attractive lovable,understanding with a good charater. to let me love her more, because i don,t want to be jealous for another lady after her." (And she should know how to spell, cause dayam.)
The Sisters:.....
"I've been raised in the truth and i love every minute of it...you'd have to be crazy not to!"-----(That's what dad tells us every Saturday night when we're home studying the Watchtower instead of out on a date!)
"So I should be getting baptized July 1st at the up coming Deliverance at Hand convention. YAY!"-----(RUN, Forrestina! RUN!)
"The tract (invitations) work for the convention has been fun. Some of the brothers don't think we'll cover our whole territory in these three weeks, but my parents and I are bound and determined to prove them wrong. lol " (Oh my god this girl needs a hobby so bad.)
"When I'm out in service you will generally see me with an older group. I find them very encouraging and I hope some of their "spiritual intelligence" will rub off on me." (Cause I sure don't believe this crud and I'm hoping that someone will say something to make it mean something to me!)
"....I'm going to say the simple things about me...I love coke ( Wow! Way to base your future marriage prospects on their COLA preference! That must be why my first marriage failed! I mean, do not become unevenly yoked with non-coke drinkers sayeth the lord...)
"we all seriously could do so much more (guilt trip coming here) instead we waste 20 minutes writing a profile on here or looking for new friends BUT at least it's better than TV watching right? =)" (Debbie Downer IS a JW! I knew it!!)
"I'll want to have someone around that will put up with me for billions of years at a time and vice versa " (While we play frisbee with the lions and luxuriate in the houses of rich people that we got after they all got killed in the loving day of Jah's great vengeance and bloodletting!)
"Come on everyone...you'll be all hot looking in the new system ok?.... take all that time your wasting primping and enjoy life a little more!!!" (ROFLMAO!!! That totally cracks me up. What, they're going to be issueing new looks in the new world? That's news to me!)
"I wouldn't be complete or happy unless i'm a pioneer ." (Oh sure, what is more appealing than riding around in a hot or cold vehicle for hours on end with a bunch of gossips who are only happy if they're tearing someone down, swapping prescription drugs or eating at the drive thru? Fun fun fun!)
"will enjoy having friends anywhere around this universe" (But I thought space travel was an insult to God? Apparently she likes star trek, this one.)
"A sincere brother who would make a strong spiritual head."----(.okay I'm not gonna say the first thing I thought of LOL))
"I would like a spiritually strong, tall, dark, and hansom guy. Great job, Good personality, funny, and easy going. Also has to Love kids, animals, and me. Not necessarily in that order. (BUT THAT WOULD BE A DREAM.)"-----(hmmm she must not be that spiritual because the big S. frowns on kids and pets still, right? Poor thing. honey, if you want a man like that, I suggest you quit the jw's and start volunteering at the ASPCA! (Seriously!)
You know, at the end it's just not funny really is it? All these kids are just normal. They just want normal lives.
I hope that they find them.
