Shunned - but still friends?

GermanXJW

Yesterday, we got an email from our former best friends (for about 15years).

They never told us directly that they are going to shun us but just did not phone any more.

Now, there was a reason to email them because we had a not JW related question.

In the reply they stated: "The fact that we broke the tie with you does not mean that we are no longer friends or that we do not like you. It is just our belief that contradicts with it."

I replied: "How can you connect the words "breake a tie" and "friends"? I quoted a German aphorism "Good friends are people that really know us but stick by us despite of this". (Marie Ebner-Eschenbach)

Come on, they really believe they can shun us but still consider us friends?

KW13

i agree, thats not friendship its almost blackmail for some, lose ya friends so ya gotta go back ya know?

my mates done the same.

24k

It's really a way for your "friend" to do something that otherwise would seem cruel and mean spirited. Cutting you off is clearly cruel and mean spirited, but if he says to himself, "we're really still friends", he can dilude himself into thinking that he is doing nothing wrong.

blondie

The WTS teaches that DFing or shunning is an act of love.

Dr Jekyll

Its a form of conditional love. I think we've all bee there and all done it, shunned our friends, not because *we* wanted to but because we were told to.

Dub brainwashing is a powerful thing, you're just going to have to forgive them for being Dubs.

James Free

The fact that we broke the tie with you does not mean that we are no longer friends or that we do not like you. It is just our belief that contradicts with it."

Maybe I am wrong but I think you may have missed the point. They are saying the reason they broke ties is because the religion requires it of them. They are saying it would not be their action of choice. Remember, the religion is very controlling and for many it is very difficult to break free from its constraints.

Put another way, 'we stil wish we could be friends, but the religion stops us."

Show them some empathy and you might just plant seeds of doubt that can grow until they can challenge the WT in their lives.

GermanXJW

I think I understand their reasoning but this is rather silly. You can say we are no longer friends and this is because of our conviction but not: we shun you but still stay friends.

My wife is really hurt, because the wife used to be her best friend which she supported when things were not running smoothly for her in the congregation.

bebu

Dub brainwashing is a powerful thing, you're just going to have to forgive them for being Dubs.

I agree with Doc.

Yet forgiving them won't mean they are still your friends. Friends don't emotionally blackmail you.

GJW, I'm sorry they are so blind still.

bebu

Big Tex

Come on, they really believe they can shun us but still consider us friends?

My best friend is still a Witness, in fact I got an email from him just yesterday telling me he's giving one of the talks at the convention this summer.

He knows my stance and I know his. But neither one of us wants to give up 25 years of friendship. We've got sort of a don't-ask-don't-tell policy and we try to respect each others' boundaries (although sometimes he can't help himself and needs to tell me how close we are to the End, etc.). I've gotten some grief online for my friendship with him, and I'm sure if the other elders found out he was friends with me he'd get even more grief!

I don't know, we've all got to do what we've got to do, but I think our actions show our real feelings and priorities.

Chris

Lady Liberty

Dear Germanxjw,

Did your "friends" try desperately to help "save" you from your seperating from the organization?? I bet I can guess your answer!! Mine didn't!! I found out in a quick hurry the friendship I had was based on performance! We (my husband and daughter) didn't fade. We pretty much quit "cold turkey". Yet you would THINK that SOMEONE would have called and said, "are you guys ok???" But not ONE of our friends did! Some friends hugh?? Oh when we see them.. from time to time, they hug us and say "we miss you", yet nothing in between. It really shows how fake they are! We have not been "announced" as of yet. When we do I am sure they will TOTALLY turn their backs un us all together then. I am amazed.. I would NEVER allow someone I loved, friend or family to just leave without desperatley tryng to help them. I am just suprised because I thought my so called friends would have been willing to do the same for me! Hang in there, you have MANY friends here!!

Sincerely,

Lady Liberty

Shunned - but still friends?

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