I normally try not to moan and belly ache here, but today I'm really down.
The other day I was kidding and joking about being "socially-challenged", it can be fun to do this... but sometimes it catches up to me.
I spend the vast majority of my evenings and weekends alone... movies, restaurants, community events, parties, you name it. When I show up somewhere I'm usually there by myself.
Sure, here online I get along very well... but socializing online is extremely different from socializing in person. It's one thing to flirt and play with a woman in a chat thread (Something I'm good at and have lots of fun doing) but it is another thing to approach a woman I don't know in public and try to strike up a conversation. Sometimes I'll see an opportunity, such as someone at the store, but when it comes time to think of something to say.... I get absolutely nothing. I'm not even talking about trying to "pickup" anyone... just chat for the hell of it.
I frequently watch other people who are very good at socializing... it seems to come so easily for them. Out of the blue they'll start chatting with someone and the other person will respond in a positive manner and next thing you know a fun conversation emerges out of nowhere. The best I can do is regular "work" conversations with "work friends"... but even that is an uphill struggle requiring a lot of effort. I've learned to literally time the conversations so they don't end in awkward silences... I'll let it peak and then when I see it starting to taper off I'll let it go a short while longer and then end it because I know an awkward silence will be the end result if I let it go too long.
Getting back to the online chatting thing... a few weeks ago I was as a very nice work related party. It was simi-formal and everyone was dressed up really nice... a Beatles Lookalike band... buffet... open bar... a beautiful luxury facility and hundreds of people there. It was VERY impressive and must have cost the company several hundred thousand dollars. When I arrived I knew that if I couldn't meet someone there I was hopeless.
When I walked in there was a young lady at the main entrance waiting for some friends to arrive, not a date. The poor thing gave me the "dear in the headlights" look because she was busted in a lie ... some time earlier we met at another company related gathering and we got along really well, so I asked her out to lunch. She declined by telling me that she was already seeing someone.
I hate that "dear in the headlights" look. I seem to get it from almost every woman I ask out. I can always tell when a woman is horrified at the mear thought of me asking her out. I always see that same look in their eyes. Through the years this has caused me to become "stand-off-ish" in an attempt to appear less threatening... ironically most women interpret this as a lack of self confidence.
Getting back to the story about the party... As luck would have it a young lady arrived at the table I was sitting at (I was chatting with a co-worker and his wife). The young lady was someone from another department on another floor... she had caught my eye some time ago but I never really knew who she was or had any opportunity to meet her. I knew this was my "big chance".
I started trying to think of a way to strike up a conversation... and then I remembered that she is deaf and communicates with most people by writing back and forth in a little notebook. It struck me that this is almost identical to chatting online! Something I'm good at! Maybe I've actually got a shot here! So I walked over, sat next to her and smiled while motioning a request for her notepad.
We started chatting... first with the common basics: Which department... what kind of work... education.... in time the topic of religion came up. She asked me: "Do you believe in The Triune God?"
I should have known right then and there that nothing would come of this. No one asks about a god in that kind of detail ("The Triune God") without being seriously devout in their religion. I started to explain that I'm an atheist... I tried to do it very gently by explaining that I'm spiritual, only I don't believe in "the supernatural, deities, or other things like that". Eventually I used the "A" word... atheist... so there could be no mistaking because I'm not about to mislead anyone in that regard. I normally just do my best to let people know as "gently" as possible. (I find it very sad that we live in a world where this is necessary)
Next thing I know she's telling me that she will pray for me, etc, etc... the usual bit that I find annoying. Even still I stuck it out hoping that maybe... just maybe I'll be able to open her eyes to the possibility that some people are happy and at peace with no higher power. I told her about the great variety of different religions, philosophies and people of no faith. I went along this line of conversation for awhile, making a little progress with her thinking... but not much.
I eventually changed the subject and the conversation became more pleasant and we learned more about each other in other regards.
She eventually wrote that her friend, the one who drove her there, needed to go. I couldn't help but wonder if she wrote to her friend to "HELP!" and get away from me.
Just before parting ways she asked for my name again, so I wrote down my email address, which makes up my name. She then wrote down her email address. Just before parting ways I wrote one last message with a bit of flirting... something about how cute she was.
The next day I sent an email... but never heard back and it's been several weeks.
On a "sorta good news in a pathetic sorta way" note, I just now pulled out the paper where she wrote her email address and I realized that I typed it in wrong last time ... so I just now sent another quick "hello" message. We'll see if she responds.
Back to my main point of all of this... I still have such a hard time understanding how most people seem to be so good at social interaction. It always seems so natural for them... so easy. People interact in a way that makes it look as easy as "breathing" while I'm in the corner having an "asthma attack".
Today after work I made two failed attempts at improving my social life... I went to a restaurant where other MINI Cooper owners like to meet up on Tuesdays (MINI Owners are a while sub-culture out there). As luck would have it, today no one showed up. After that I went past a book store where I've been able to flirt a bit with one of the sales girls... she was no where in sight.