Hello to all ... I've finally decided to sign up

In Between

Greetings. After alot of time, lurking, fighting this damn inward battle I am dealing with, I've decided to join in the mix. A little about me (I'll try not to bore you to much) ... I am a fader. Was raised JW, was even a M.S. at one time. I've only been to a K.H. once in two years. Over that last few years, there has been so much *crap* that I have seen and experienced that I simply cannot take it anymore. I'm not a 'geek' by any stretch of the imagination ... but did anyone else here, when watching the last Star Wars movie, feel closely associated with Anakan when he finally made that decision to join the 'dark side'. Everything he had been raised to believe in, the structure, the rules, the guidelines ... at that one moment ... Mace Windu wanted to kill the emperor and Anakan wanted to do 'what was right', but the Jedi Master decided he wanted to take action on his own and ignore the rules. For all my life, I was raised, as an elder's son, to follow the rules, adhere to what was taught, never to question, to blindly believe. Just like young Anakan, I've had enough. Though I've been 'fading' for some time now ... I think with this post, I can start to complete the 'break'. Excuse my rant ... but I can't take it anymore. Why do J.W.'s, who are supposed to 'have love among themselves', that identifying mark, only have 'conditional' love. You know. They are supposed to 'love' their brothers, but only if they are regular at meetings, etc. Once you start fading, it's "Goodbye, and don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out". Even people that are supposed to be you best friends. Why is it that you are a nobody unless you are an elder or M.S.? Why, when you need help or encouragement, are the B.O.E. nowhere to be found. But, if they think you've done something wrong, they have plenty of time to jump you and try to D.F. or reprove you. I'm not really the type to attack the G.B. or the teachings. I do believe in God. But how can he allow so much hypocrisy to go on under his 'name'. I have so much more of a problem with the people that profess to represent him than anything else. Can someone tell me where Jesus instructed his diciples to have bogus 'restraining' orders against other J.W.'s ... for over 6 years? I'm sorry to dump on you all. Today, my best friend of 10 years (a J.W.) decided that because I have faded over the last year or two, that he is no longer my friend. I thought someone was your friend because of the qualities and interest that you shared with another ... not because you attend 5 meetings a week. Why am I here? Because, I, like many, have been so brainwashed with guilt and fear that I could use a little support. The fear of getting killed at Armageddon still persists. I can't D.A. while my parents are alive ... but today, even though I've been fading for awhile, was the last straw. I need to move on. Now I'm left with the simple question ... now what? Thank you for your time ... I hope to be a positive addition to this board ...

BlackPearl

You've just taken the first step, and guess what, as a lifetime JW myself I can tell you the world isn't full of "bad people". Sure there are bad people and there are good people. Just like in the organization, good ones and bad ones. I've been out for about a year now and have found that I'm not a horrible "traitor" for not going to meetings. I feel Jehovah loves me and my family just as much today as he did five years ago. There are some very intelligent people on this board, ask what you like, you'll more answers here than you did at the kingdom hall and with no pre-concieved ideas about who you are. No wicked looks down the nose, no questioning of your motives, just be yourself, it's all good bro!

AuldSoul

First, WELCOME!

Second, please don't take a lack of a lot of responses as a bad sign, the board dies down a LOT around this hour every night. I will try to remember to send this post back to the top tomorrow.

Third, your story sounds so familiar to me because I have heard it 20 times or more now. I also lived something very similar. That does nothing to resolve your hurts, but I hope there is comfort in knowing that (1) you aren't the first to experience this sort of pain and betrayal, and (2) there is life beyond.

my best friend of 10 years

My best friend sacrificed me, too. But I learned a lot through the experience, and have chosen friends more wisely since. I have far more dependable and unconditionally loving friends now than I could have dreamed possible two years ago.

My dad is the PO of the congregation I disassociated myself from.

Respectfully,
AuldSoul

FlyingHighNow

Welcome and happiness on your spiritual journey.

evergreen

Hi in between ,wecome to the forum by the way. yes i did feel that in the 2nd of the star wars trilogy. I related to what anachin was going through. How he wanted to do right but questioned what he was taught.

I too agree with you on all your points paticularly with the "conditional love" that exists within most of the Kingdom Halls.

I am in a kind of similiar situation to your self and find that i feel 2 inches tall everytime i walk through the door. I hate the cliques that exist at our hall and the fact that the supposed to be more spiritual ones of all, cant even take up 5 mins of their precious time to get to even know me.

Even my wife can see the hypocrisy of it all and to be quite frank it totally sickens me. Its almost as if you have to be in their club to get to know them (conditional).

They are just so unaproachable it is unbelievable. Not one elder ever came round to see me in the few years i had been away to encourage me in some way. Although for some daft reason i have began attending occasionally again, i get butterflies just before i walk into the hall and have to take a deep breath because i feel so arkward knowing that i will be going through the whole thing again!!!!

spawn2u

Welcome to Fantasy Island where all your fantasys can become true. RIP Arron Spelling. Anyway, welcome. The sooner you can make the big break the sooner you can start to really get better. Everyday I get a little better and it has been 15 years since I was DF'd.

sunshineToo

Hi, in between!

Welcome to the board. Can you tell us what happened today? What made it "the last straw"? You'll find a lot of comfort and support from here. I'll be looking forward to read your posts.

sunshineToo in California

nelly136

nice to meet you Inbetween,

jw's are like a never ending loan or HP agreement, you have to pay your monthly installments to keep the goods,it doesnt matter how much you've paid the goods are never properly yours, if you ever default on payment theyre reposessed until such time you start paying again.

jwfacts

Welcome, it is nice to hear your story. Many of us have been where you are, and discussing on this board will help you on your way. Once you have made a clean break and for a new life you will find you are far happier than ever before.

BTW, you will not die at Armageddon. I assure, within a year you will wonder how you ever believed such a ridiculous notion that Jehovah will slaughter billions of people.

HappyDad

Welcome and thanks for telling your story. Much of what you said is very similar to my own experience.

But anyway.........you will meet a lot of people here who really understand what you have gone through. My first suggestion to anyone who is wanting to fade and break away is to read Crisis Of Conscience by Ray Franz if you already haven't done so.

Hang in there and in time you will make new friends too.

HappyDad

Hello to all ... I've finally decided to sign up

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