I was belly laughing at those game suggestions!!!! thanks People I needed a good laugh
CS 101
SUGGESTED POLICY CHANGES to spice up the religion
by Terry 34 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Terry
Policy changes are always New Light.
It kinda goes like this.
Jehovah's spirit deals only with us and by carefully examining the scriptures we can see that 2+2=19.
New Light: Jehovah lovingly corrects those whom he loves. 2+2=18.
New(er) Light: Jehovah has seen fit to make his will known to us in these last days before the end of this wicked system of things. 2+2=17
Questions from Readers: "The false religions of Christendom have taught for years that 2+2=4. Why do Jehovah's Witnesses teach otherwise?
Answer: "The Watchtower Society has never claimed infallibility. Some have outrun Jehovah's loving provision for food at the proper time and twisted the sayings of his Faithful and Discreet Slave by falsely assuming something that was never stated as a fact!
In past times the Organization has commented on what "possibly could be" the sum of 2+2 and gave its opinion as to the correct amount.
If brothers and sisters decide for themselves that these opinions are facts we cannot be held responsible.
Consider this: the trend of Watchtower opinion from the beginning has gotten closer and closer to the correct answer over time. This indicates that the spirit of Jehovah has been with us in narrowing the possibility of error.
Satan uses wilfull people (even in the Kingdom Halls) to discredit Jehovah's righteous government any way he can. There is only one true religion being used by Christ Jesus to spread the messege of salvation and that is through his humble and submissive people who listen to his organization without spreading false rumors about what his faithful and discreet slave have said.
It will never be through arithmetic that mankind is saved from the enemy death. It is inconsequential what 2+2=.
The important thing is obedience to his only channel of communication. It is through this agency that the genuinely sheeplike personality is tested for a heart not hardened to instruction.
Chistendom may teach that 2+2=4 but, the sayings of everylasting life are in the pages of the Watchtower.
Turn away from anyone calling themselves "brother" who tries to lure you away from the truth with Apostate teachings that damage your trust in Jehovah.
Next time somebody approaches you and asks: What does your religion teach about 2+2? You can answer with confidence: 2+2 is whatever Jehovah tells me it and whatever anyone else says is from Satan!!
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LittleToe
Consider this: the trend of Watchtower opinion from the beginning has gotten closer and closer to the correct answer over time. This indicates that the spirit of Jehovah has been with us in narrowing the possibility of error.
This was astutely put.
Occasionally they will say it is 18, then 17, then 18, then 16, hence the trend truly does show increasing light [eventually].
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Stealth453
How about the "Sexy Sisters in Lingerie" edition of the Watchquirer?
Maybe...""Elders Compasionate Contributions to a Happy Wholesome Family Life-The Shortest Book Ever Written"
Or...How about CLUB J points. For every Watchquirer and Asleep magazine you place, you get 1 CLUB J point. For each bookstudy, 5 points. For every conversion, 100 points. If you make MS, 150 points, Elder, 200.
Then...when you f**k up, you can redeem your points like a 'get out of the red-room' card.
Waddya say? Good idea??
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katiekitten
Ministerial Big Brother.
All the ministerial servants and a few elders wives have to live in the book study room at KH for 8 weeks while the rest of the congregation get to watch them night and day by CCTV, and vote them out one by one.
But heres the catch - what they dont know is that when they get voted out of the Big Brother Book Room Jehovah actually kills them at Armageddon too!!
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greendawn
Organise the occasional orgy to spice up the dull and banal life of the dubs, the elders will be the hosts. It will motivate members to stay in. It's like looking into the rejected and despised side of things for once.
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ex-perfectdaughter
Orgy at the KH??!! There is NO ONE at the KH I would want to have sex with....gross!!!
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Terry
What about a game of pin the tail on the Elder after the Watchtower study?
What about instituting CONFESSION whereby the eligible sisters have to confess their fantasies to eligible brothers in a curtained booth? Could be interesting.
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jayhawk1
What kind of rides would Watchtower Land have?
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SirNose586
Terry, that was a good parody of every "Questions from readers" article, or every "new light" article.