You might be a Witness, if ... (in the spirit of redneck jokes)

by free2beme 10 Replies latest jw friends

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  free2beme

  Feel free to add on.

  If you ever went to another religions funeral, and handed out Watchtower publications and thought that was okay ... You might be a Witness

  If you thought you were getting to old, and needed to get married as soon as possible and were only 20 ... You might be a Witness

  If you remember preaching "the end is near" for over twenty years, and claim to be okay that it did not come yet ... You might be a Witness

  If you just spent time justifying that above time frame in your mind, as being okay from quotes from a Watchtower ... there is not doubt, You might be a Witness

  If you ever wrote a letter to a friend and ended it with scripture references like this "John 13:11, 1 Cor 15:33, etc" ... You might be a Witness

  If you got one of those letter and actually looked up all the scriptures ... there is not doubt, You might be a Witness

  If you ever told your healthy child, that they were dead to you when they left the religion ... You might be a Witness

  If you ever quit a good paying job, to go to a assembly or convention ... You might be a Witness

  If you ever told someone that reading the Awake and Watchtower on a regular basis, is as good as a college degree ... You might be a Witness, with a masters degree in ignorance.

  If you ever put claim to a house in your town, to be yours after Armageddon ... You might be a Witness

  If your child's most important conversations in life, took place with an elder and not you ... You might be a Witness

  If you think that is okay ... there is not doubt, You might be a Witness

  If you are afraid to throw away your Watchtowers and Awakes and keep hundreds stored in the attic ... there is not doubt, You might be a Witness

  If you use a Bible with a green hard cover ... You might be a Witness, and you have been around way to long

  and my final one

  If you ever afraid to own a SMURF ... You might be a Witness
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  SirNose586

  If you don't call social situations parties, but you call them gatherings or get-togethers, you might be a Witness...
  If at said gathering you play "Suavemente" at least once, you might be a Witness (from California)...
  If you are looked down upon because you have a two-door car, you might be a Witness...
  If you call a Buick "The Lord's Car" (I'm not making this up), then you might be a Witness...
  If you went to a theme park on a holiday and hummed songs from the songbook just to see if anyone would respond, you might be a Witness...
  If every meeting night you show up 30 strong to a restaurant just before they close, then complain about the bad service, you might be a Witness...
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  Stealth453

  If you ever got the cold sweats from looking at a picture of a clown with big, buldging eyes...you might be a witness.
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  LovesDubs

  Here is a list of those I remember contributing to many moons ago. :)EXJWS THAT ARE NOW CHRISTIANS
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  free2beme

  If you ever spent three weeks working on a five minute talk ... you might be a Witness

  If your idea of taking a risk, meant you studyed for the Watchtower study at the Watchtower meeting ... you might be a Witness

  If you used the term "It was encouraging" to describe a religious function ... you might be a Witness

  If the idea of calling your meeting place a church, bothers you ... you might be a Witness

  If you think saying to people, not brainwashed, "I have meeting tonight" is something everyone can understand ... you are deeply a Witness
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  parakeet

  Once again, Farkel's lines are classic: check out his thread, except he doesn't call them ... um ... Witnesses.
  
  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/12/30906/1.ashx
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  Warlock

  free2beme

  You could have left a couple for me.

  Warlock
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  Kareoke Queen

  If, when accused of being brainwashed, you reply "Well I'd rather have a clean brain than a dirty one!" and think you're in any way funny and not slighty strange..you might well be a JW.
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  EC

  If you go dress up like prom on an all day long boring sermon day to impress people..you may be a witness.
  
  If someone tells you Merry Christmas and you just smile...thinking the whole time.."Their dead!"...you may be a witness.
  
  If you catch yourself humming a christmas carol and quickly pray for forgivness....you may be a witness.
  
  If you get excited at the next presidental election because the man you envisioned as being the one to yell "Peace!" got elected...you may be a witness
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  Warlock

  When someone sneezes and you just stand there....................you might be a Witness.

  If you sneeze, and you say nothing when someone says "God Bless You".............you might be a Witness.

  If you don't go to the church service of a wedding or a funeral, but go to the reception or the cemetary for the burial.................you might be a Witness.

  If you don't answer the door on Halloween...............you might be a Witness.

  If you only take "sick days" at work when you are really sick...........you might be a Witness.

  If you accept the Christmas Bonus at work in December..........you definitely ARE a Witness.

  Warlock