I didn't want these buried deep in the favorite quotes thread because they are just too dang funny and/or weird.
*** Watchtower 1973 Sept 15 pp.564-5 Breaking Free of Self-Abuse-Why? How? ***
That masturbation is abnormal and unnatural is also indicated by the fact that abnormal, mentally deranged people are notorious masturbators. Somewhat similarly, The Bremerton Sun (Washington) states that many mentally disturbed priests and nuns are chronic masturbators.
My wife has always called me mentally deranged. I guess she's got proof now! Love the reference to priests and nuns. Classic!
If one understands the cause, it is easier to implement the prevention and cure of a bad habit. Did you know, for example, that mothers and fathers who stroke the genitals of their fretful babies to keep them quiet are unwittingly encouraging them to become masturbators later on?
WHAT DID THEY JUST SAY???
Never be a "loner," seeking to isolate yourself. So, at nighttime arrange to share a bedroom with other members of the family. Sleep on the side, not on the back or stomach.
Protect yourselves! Sleep on your side and share a room with your teenage sister. LOL
*** Watchtower May 15 1970, p. 315 Avoiding the Snare of Homosexuality ***
Helpful in this regard, then, is appreciating the fact that autoeroticism or masturbation is no mere innocent pastime but rather a practice that can lead to homosexual acts. How so? In that self-induced masturbation may make it easier and more tempting for one to engage in mutual masturbation, which is a form of homosexuality.
So that's how they got that way.
*** Awake! 1980 Sept 8 p.21 Sex and Your Health ***
Sex and Your Health
In "The Western Way of Death," British pathologist Dr. Malcolm Carruthers comments on the role of sex in connection with heart attacks. He observes that the ‘two-timing’ adulterer is "constantly trying and failing to be in two places at once, and is likely to end up as the rope in an emotional tug-of-war between two dissatisfied women." The ‘intense effort and excitement of sampling forbidden fruit rather than the home-grown variety’ exposes the man to the danger of a coronary attack. Many men have died of heart attacks that struck them during acts of adultery. Dr. Carruthers contrasts this with the potential physical benefits of sex relations with one’s marriage mate.
Finally, he comments on the unsatisfactory nature of masturbation: "Psychiatrists say that it is basically an aggressive act toward oneself, usually induced by frustration, as the term ’self-abuse’ suggests. The noradrenaline release is therefore likely to be relatively large and little of the consequent rise in blood fats used up in the muscular activity involved." He points out that since such blood fats clog arteries, there might be ’some truth after all’ in the old sayings about physical ill-effects of masturbation.
Moral of the story... Always take a baby Aspirin before you spank the monkey!