How can I put a lid on this instant RAGE?

sass_my_frass

Ugh, okay, here's the story: I've been doing quite well, but today I heard about a good jw friend who now shuns me. At first it sounded like he was feeling remorseful and wanted to get in touch again. *BUZZZ* wrong! His exact words: "I just wish I'd gotten the chance to say goodbye". Apparently I'm now dead.

Grrr, what a shyte! My parents broke up with me a few weeks ago and I haven't had a meltdown, but every few weeks one of them finds a new way to push my buttons. In my last letter to my folks I told them to get in touch anytime, because "I've already forgiven you." HA what a joke. I am livid; I want to hurt them all as much each as they've all hurt me. All I can think of is the possibility of running into he and his wife one day and giving them a double birdie: "Shun this you loveless cult worshippers..."

What can you do? It has to get better right? Maybe only when I'm getting no information about them at all?

Crumpet

sass honey - I am hearing you! The noble side of me wants to be forgivingm but when my family doesnt even know that they have wronged me - that they are so very WRONG - and therefore are not sorry, it is hard to forgive properly. The more I come to terms with the fact they are WRONG the angrier I feel that I lost my childhood. But we just have to take a deep breath and accept we cannot change things except in little ways, and maybe if we are very lucky those little ways will challenge the organisation eventually. That is why I take every opportunity to give an anti-witness. I tell anyone I meet at some point during the conversation that I was raised in a cult and escaped but that my family are still in it and won't acknowledge me because I am dead to them. And they always want to know which cult and I make sure I tell them.

hang on in there sassy and arent we lucky to have this board to vent on?!

diamondblue1974

Some might disagree with me here but forgiveness can only truly come when the person is remorseful, otherwise its without any foundation.

DB74

sass_my_frass

Thank you - that is true - I guess I was trying to sound larger than I really am. It was also an attempt to make them think outside the square. It wouldn't occur to them that they're in a position that they'd need to be forgiven for; it would have made them puzzled and angry. The fact that it's not actually true at this time is as relevant as the odds on them ever making me pay out on it, so, no harm done I suppose.

wozadummy

Well that went well did'nt it? sorry

Sass ,sorry to hear of your problem but maybe just remembering how decieved they are will help you gain a better perspective of things.

I also think DB1974 has a point

penny2

sass, I think you need to let some time pass without contact from your family or previous friends so the rage can settle. It's not good to feel angry for too long (although sometimes it's easier to be angry than to be upset).

You can't change other people's behaviour towards you. You can only limit your exposure to their treatment and adjust your reaction to it.

I'll be thinking of you!

Love, penny

Stealth453

I don't know if this will help at all, but it's the best I can offer.

I have been out, and shunned for 30 years. I am the eldest of my 3 brothers, and even though they have all been married more than once, I have never been invited to one of them. Thankfully, all of hem have since da'd and we now have a good relationship. My parents however, are another story. My mother has been a hard core dub since the early 60's. My father, an elder of unequalled faith, left the dubs for about 10 years, before "seeing the light (new I'm sure)" and going back with a vengence reserved for a psycopath.

That same gentleman, my father, sends me x-rated jokes, pictures and e-mails on a regular basis. He and my mother built an apartment in their house for my ex-wife, and have called her their daughter since 1981(replacing me of course).

My point......

Even though I have been out for a very long time, re-married, with a wonderful family, sometimes the rage fills me in a way I cannot explain, nor control. It became so bad, that I sold everything I own, packed up my family, and moved 13,000 miles away, in order to rid myself of the black cloud that was my life.

The only thing that silences the rage is time, and unfortunately, time does a shitty job of it.

Be patient. It's not perfect, but it does heal eventually.

Peace.

Stealth453

LovesDubs

About the whole forgiveness thing...Jesus said "Lord forgive them FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO. Its like waiting for someone who molested you to take responsibility and own up to what they did to you...it AINT GONNA HAPPEN.

When you forgive someone you do it for yourself. So that YOU can get on with your life. You brush them off your hands, you say Im not gonna spend one more SECOND of my precious life dwelling on what a shyte head you are and how you have treated me. And NOT hurting any more from it is sweet revenge. Forgiving someone does not then justify or support what they did..not now not ever.

Every time you go off and they see it...they win. They see you freaking out and giving them the finger and it will be "See how sad and angry he is now that Jehovah is no longer with him. Arent we glad we have the truth?"

I dont know about you but I wouldnt give them the pleasure..not for one f-ing nannosecond.

Yeah...I rage too...but its like being angry at a retarded child.

loves

nicolaou

Hi Sass,

like so many others here I understand the rage thing. Weeks can go by without any incident and then I'll just boil over. Usually it's because I've reached the point where I miss them so much and I reach out to pick up the telephone. But why do they never - and I mean NEVER, pick up the phone and call me? Why have I still not seen the inside of my kid sisters house since she moved in five years ago?

I miss them even though they're killing me and it burns me up.

It has to get better right? Maybe only when I'm getting no information about them at all?

You make a good point. I'm seriously thinking of DA'ing just to draw a line under this and to be able to move on. I'm not suggesting that as a course for you, we all have to find our own way.

As Crumpet said, "arent we lucky to have this board to vent on?!"

How can I put a lid on this instant RAGE?

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