How can I put a lid on this instant RAGE?

by sass_my_frass 26 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  LittleToe

  I'm going to invite you to do the near-impossible.

  Simply let it go.

  Holding onto it only damages yourself, and true forgiveness is a subjective thing that allows you to balance the books without the debt having been paid. Truly, what needs to be paid? Hurt emotions? Genuine, unquantifiable remorse? How do you pay for that in anything that has genuine currency?

  You can't, hence letting it wash off you is the best method, and if you need some kind of ritual (e.g. burning a letter, either real or symbolic) to achieve that, then so be it. Meanwhile, don't keep the injury going in your own heart because ultimately the only one it's actually hurting is you.

  We do understand, though {{{hugs}}}.
• 

  greendawn

  They will all die without ever seeing the paradise the FDS has been promising them for a very long time now, a total failure. They think too much about themselves and their importance, they are going nowhere and if they ignore you, you should also do the same until if and when they change.
• 

  Cabin in the woods

  Sass, hon people here are right. It hurts. That is the simple fact and there is nothing that any dr. or friend can do about it. You have to take charge. I agree with LT and say let it wash. I pretend to 'put things into balloons and watch them float away in a beautiful blue sky' That is my symbalistic ritual. It works very well but once in a great while I slip. We are made to feel emotions to rejoice and to grieve and to learn new methods to cope with our hurts are the best that we can do.

  I especially like the comment above that said that it is like being angry at a retarded child. It is. Their thoughts and emotions are 'second hand' They have been stunted. You will learn to laugh and celebrate and yes, think your own thoughts. Best of all you will have your own opinions and views!!! They can never have those. Feel pity for them, I know that I do. Mere automatons.

  hugs

  cab
• 

  LittleToe

  Lest ye should think I'm claiming perfection in this department:

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/15/65125/1.ashx

  But the key is limiting the outburst to the occasion, rather than bottling and exporting it...
• 

  LittleToe

  I don't expect you to read all of that thread, but I kinda finally summed it up in these words:

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/15/65125/1009651/post.ashx#1009651
• 

  Scully

  nic writes:

  But why do they never - and I mean NEVER, pick up the phone and call me?

  Oh boy... can I ever relate to that! The only times my JW relatives make contact is when they want something from me. I suppose at that point it is a matter of Necessary Family Business™.

  Sass, the only advice I can offer is to let you know that anger is a normal response to the cruel and harsh way we are being treated. It is part of the grieving process. They are angry, bitter, and I think sometimes envious, of our choice to live a normal life without the rigid controls entailed in being part of a cult. It makes them angry that they feel abandoned, and their lashing out is justified in their mind, and reinforced by the propaganda they are being constantly fed.

  In a situation like that, it's often in our best interests to cut off contact. Since you know they are going to verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abuse you in the course of contact, why willingly put yourself into a situation like that? You don't have to dignify their behaviour by permitting it. Yes, it hurts to not be able to talk to your family members, but for the sake of your own dignity and self-respect, do not subject yourself to the abuse.

  After an accident or injury, it can take a long course of looking after yourself to get back to normal function. Being shunned by family is truly an injury, and a serious one. It destroys your sense of belonging, and that is one of our emotional needs - only slightly higher up the hierarchy from shelter, food, and safety. It's necessary to heal that injury, not by throwing ourselves back into the situation that caused our injury (can you imagine someone trying to heal a bodily injury like a fall by jumping off the roof over and over again?), but by finding new ways of "belonging" with others who understand our situation (good news: you have that here!) and finding other ways of belonging as well.

  It does take time for this kind of injury to stop hurting. Give yourself the time you need. The anger will subside in time, and as you find ways to replace the "belonging" you had with your family with other types of "belonging". But like LT said, the anger needs to find another outlet, because it gives those shunning you power over you, and only hurts you, not them.

  
• 

  LittleToe

  Well put, Scully

  That Maslow was pretty tuned in, huh?
• 

  formyboys

  lovesdubs said "its like being angry at a retarded child."

  LT said "Simply Let It GO"

  Both are so right! Your family will eventually come around, or not. Try not to let the Society's brainwashing posion the good things you have going in your life NOW.

  ((()))
• 

  Scully

  LT... Maslow is one of my favorite humanists.
• 

  sspo

  Forgive them the best you can

  Don't forget, all of us have been victmis of the Watchtower, they truly cannot help it.

  From the time of Russell in 1870 to 2006 millions have been hurt,

  View them as victims and it might help to heal.