by Sparkplug 30 Replies latest jw friends
Ok, I should be at a funeral. I am all dressed up and I did not go. I don't know why? I am pretty mad at myself, but when all was said and done, I just could not get myself to go. I hate funerals. I really do.
If you really could not bring yourself to go, why are you mad at yourself? You is who you is. No need in beating yourself up. It's a gorgeous Saturday morning, get yourself to a swimming pool or yard sale. You'll feel better soon.
Most funerals (not all) are stupid to me. I am already grieving. I don't want to go through some predictable formulaic "ceremony" where somebody WHO DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THE GUY says nice platitudes and gives a formulaic speech to the attendees.
Why don't people go out and celebrate the person's life by having a dinner, drinking and dancing and party up instead? Celebrate that we're still alive and kicking?
The last funeral I attended was for my co-worker who gassed himself in his garage, changed his mind too late and tried to get up the stairs to his apartment and died in his living room. I didn't need to see his bloated, heavily pancaked face which look like some distorted plastic replica of him.
Just my two sense.
<<People who don't attend a funeral "that they should" because they find it "too uncomfortable" to be around sadness and death are behaving selfishly and immaturely.>>
I disagree with you. What a cold and unfeeling statement to make.
Dams
<<People who don't attend a funeral "that they should" because they find it "too uncomfortable" to be around sadness and death are behaving selfishly and immaturely.>>
I disagree with you. What a cold and unfeeling statement to make.
I think it is just the opposite. How is giving of yourself to comfort another person cold and unfeeling? But we'd have to define terms. If it is a funeral that they "should attend," then I assume that there are relationships with those grieving that "should" be supported. But only sparkplug could tell us if that is why she used that description.
<<If it is a funeral that they "should attend," then I assume that there are relationships with those grieving that "should" be supported. But only sparkplug could tell us if that is why she used that description. >>
I agree with you on that, which is why I found the statement cold and unfeeling. You don't know how she is feeling and to call the lack of funeral attendance "selfish and immature" is in poor taste to me.
There is big difference in not attending because the person doesn't care or couldn't be bothered and not attending because emotionally or mentally the thought of doing so is too much to handle. This does not make someone immature and selfish.
Dams
The last funeral I attended was for a JW in a funeral home, 25 JWs came and stood up and left loudly and decisively, laughing and making a scene in the middle of the service when the widow, an EXJW, stood up to say thank you to everyone for coming. I tell you what... EVERYBODY in that place wished those assholes had kept their "support" at home!
No LOVE motivated them to come...it was SELFISH and SELF SERVING that they came, and totally calculated, planned and cruel.
So there are MORE THAN TWO REASONS on the planet why people GO to funerals...and there are a shitload MORE reasons why folks cant bring themselves to go, which by the way...is nobody's else's damn business.
Back off Bee.
not attending because emotionally or mentally the thought of doing so is too much to handle. This does not make someone immature and selfish.
You're right. They could also be behaving either immaturely or selfishly, not necessarily both. "Too much to handle?" We do mature and/or unselfish things all the time because it is the right thing to do, even though it could feel like "too much to handle." Visiting a sick friend, going to a job we hate, flying, getting on the freeway, paying the bills, doing our taxes, saying "I'm sorry," listening to someone who is hurting - getting out of our comfort zone to be there for someone else. Or you could just go "party" because that is easier. And it can always be rationalized - "it was too much to handle - you see I am too delicate and sensitive to handle other people's tears of grief - it upsets me."
BTW, please note that I am labeling the behavior not the person. It is an important distinction. I'm sure that those who have expressed solidarity with sparkplug's decision are not "selfish and immature" people. I try not to label people because we all behave differently in different situations.
You aren't a putz.
Everyone grieves quite differently.
And everyone has a very different idea of what makes a person loving and genuine.
This does not make you selfish. There are far worse things that make a person selfish.
BSoM
I realize that you are not attacking or labeling Sparkplug.
Comparing paying bills and driving on the freeway to attending a funeral? Not attending a funeral means the person went out and partied instead? Do you really think that?
<<They could also be behaving either ;immaturely or selfishly, not necessarily both.>>
So they are either selfish or immature (or both) and there are no other reasons not to go?
Well I congratulate you on NOT labeling people , maybe you could work on not judging their behaviour.
So there are MORE THAN TWO REASONS
Black - I am aware of that - which is why I qualified it by saying "most people." Ya gotta' read these things!
Back off Bee.
This is uncalled for.
