Trying to not feel like a putz!

by Sparkplug 30 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  BizzyBee

  MegaDude: Why don't people go out and celebrate the person's life by having a dinner, drinking and dancing and party up instead?

  Not attending a funeral means the person went out and partied instead? Do you really think that?

  That was in reference to MegaDude's comment. And, actually, there is no reason one couldn't do both.

  Final comment: I know all we ex-JW's have had enough "shoulds" to last a lifetime. But sparkplug used the word, and is apparently feeling conflicted about her decision. My response acknowledged and respected what she is feeling.
• 

  codeblue

  Some may not be "emotionally equipped" to deal with the funeral.

  They may choose to be emotionally supportive after the funeral and give the one that is grieving the support that is needed AFTER the funeral and not just a one shot time either. They choose to call them once a week, invite them out for dinner or coffee or a movie on a REGULAR basis.

  I know many people that lost someone at death, to have a floundering attendance at the funeral but NO support thereafter. They often feel lonely and isolated AFTER the funeral.

  As a person who lost parents in death at a very early age, I valued the continued support afterwards...........I valued that support more then a person who simply attended a funeral and felt like their good deed was done based on a funeral attendance.
• 

  Sparkplug

  Well, I am back from doing errands. I am thinking that busybee took it a bit far but saw it maybe as I did as a bit selfish. I just do not see how I would do any good at this event. I guess I feel that I have seen too many people I work with die and two of the close circle of people I loveed in the last few yesrs. Dan my co-worker turned quickly and left the family well on the hardship side. So I donated far more than the norm and hjelped send food for the last few days. He was a spunky person and we all wore his favorite color and such to work the last few days. Today I just don't feel like crying. If I had been closer I would have gone probably.

  I know that may sound a bit lame. And maybe that is why I used the word "should". As I see it, I do believe that there will be people closer to his wife, "another co-worker of mine" that will fit the bill a bit better. I will see her later when she and I can spend a bit more quality time. It may be selfish, but the Dan I knew would not give a rats a$$ if I went. He would have far more appreciated his wife being taken care of and he probably would have skipped this himself if he could have.

  Anyhow, I did not go. as Scarlett O' Hara said...Fiddlee dee, I will worry about it tomorrow.

  Decki
• 

  LovesDubs

  "People who don't attend a funeral "that they should" because they find it "too uncomfortable" to be around sadness and death are behaving selfishly and immaturely. "

  Back off Bee.

  This is uncalled for. "

  Are you KIDDING ME?? And what you wrote to her WAS called for??
• 

  HadEnuf

  I don't do funerals unless it's ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. Like I had to go when my hubster's dad died in December.

  Don't feel guilty. The dead person does not know you aren't there.

  cathy l.
• 

  SixofNine

  "....nd he probably would have skipped this himself if he could have."

  Now that's an understatement!
• 

  anewme

  Life is not about "shoulds" anymore.
  
  It is all about what our own heart decides is right.
  
  Where is one rule written in the sky we have to follow?
  
  Sparky, you have been through alot lately yourself. Give yourself a big pat on the old back and have a great weekend with those beautiful kids of yours!
  
  
  Anewme
• 

  anewme

  And another thing.....
  
  
  If you spend your life doing everything you "should" do......you will die early.
  
  Better to center for yourself what is good for you and follow that. You will live longer.
• 

  wanderlustguy

  There are no rules for grieving. I have only been to a couple of funerals in my life, although I did attend the "viewing" of a couple of people that were dear to me.

  I would rather not have the memory of seeing people I care for dead. That does not mean I don't greive or mourn their absence, quite the opposite.

  When I am dead I would rather everyone take the day that would be my funeral and do something great for themselves, and think of me, only for a second, as wishing them the very best.

  WLG
• 

  Sparkplug

  Busybee- thanks for your PM. I cannot imagine what it is like to loose a child. I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure it will make it hard forever. My thoughts are with you as you continue on. May you find some peace within yourself that will help you hold strong.