hi. i just got reinstated about 3 months ago and i am still trying to adjust. i got baptized right before i turned 16, got disfellowshipped not even a year later. then another year later i get reinstated. i am now almost 18. getting disfellowshipped was the hardest thing i have ever been through. i lost my whole life, my friends, everything. i wanted to die, i tried to kill myself 3 times. but i lived and i made myself a new life and new friends. now that i am reinstated my mom is saying that my new friends have to study or we can't hang out. i feel like i am going nuts! all these people who treated me like dirt and acted as though i was dead are now acting like i have been out of town saying crap like, "welcome back!" and thinking i can pick up with them right where we left off. i can't do tht. i remember what it felt like to see them ignore me. my friends that i made are there because they love ME not because i was a pioneer or an elder's daughter. the boy i was with, who i was supposed to marry this december, did not get disfellowshipped mainly because his dad and brother were on his committee. i haven't seen or talked to him since we got in "trouble". how's that for true love? they acted like we murdered someone. whatever. that's all for now.
what it feels like to be reinstated
by airwlk149 18 Replies latest jw experiences
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COMF
Are you still in school? Can you talk to the school counselor about this?
COMF
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funkyderek
It's a choice between the people who treated you "like dirt" and are now welcoming you back with phony smiles or the friends you made in the real world who love you for who you are, not what religion you are. I think you know how you should act. Your real friends will be there whatever you decide.
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Those who can induce you to believe absurdities can induce you to commit attrocities - Voltaire -
Cassiline
Hello Air,
What a situation you are in. You must be torn in so many directions, Trying to please your parents, elders,sisters and brothers and finally God.
You did state that you were almost 18, do you believe that The Witnesses are right, or is it something that you have been taught since birth. This was the case for me, and I did not make my OWN decison until I was 26 years of age. Seeing some of the same things you mentioned..favorable treatment etc.
The point I'm trying to make, have you truly come to the conclusion that this is the religion for you. Try to take a step back and ask yourself if this is what you want. If it is perhaps your friends and family will come around. If it is not something you desire or are questioning your motives i.e. please parents,friends perhaps you should reconsider WHY you are in tnis religion, research it if you can.
I can tell you I have expierenced several things within the JW way that pushed me to the option of suicide and after some research espically since in John is says you will know your brothers by the love that they show. I did not see any more love and made an adult decison to leave.
But you must examine you own expierences and heart and see if this may be the option for you. You cant please everyone and your going to find that your mental health will suffer because of it.
(((((((((((((((( HUGS and Welcome))))))))))))))))))))))))C
When the pain of being where we are, becomes greater than our fear of letting go...we will risk and heal and grow.
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MrMoe
One lesson I learned in life as being raised as a JW is to live your life for yourself. Those persons "welcoming you back" may have acted the way they were required, but true friends stick by you no matter what. Let your heart be your guide and do what is best for YOU. Much love.
Moe
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NameWithheld
PLEASE take some time to think seriously about what this religion is doing to your mental stability! I have had family go thru the same experience as you, and she too had thoughts of suicide. She still suffers to this day with emotional/mental problems from her young adulthood.
Whatever your 'sin' with this boy was, do you REALLY think god, a loving god, would want 'his people' to cause you SO much pain? Do you REALLY think that the terrible things you have been put through 'helped' your spirituality? Or did it do the opposite? How would Jesus have treated you had he been there? Would he shun you for a year 'until you learned your lesson'? Or would he have said 'Your sins are forgiven'.
You have had a taste of what JW friendship is all about. Trust me it doesn't get better. Not only that, but now that you have been DF'ed you will maybe never be treated the same again, but always be viewed as 'weak'. You have tasted the injustice of elders familiy being treated differently - trust me that is NOT an isolated case, but is in fact the rule in almost all congs. Many, many of us here have been abused in the same manner. Would god approve of such hypocrocy? No.
Please think carefully about things. You say you have developed true friends while out. Will they shun you now just because you're reinstated? I doubt it. Will they shun you if you make a mistake in your life? I doubt it. Will your new again JW 'freinds' do so? You bet. As soon as the elders say 'she's bad'. Once again you will not exist to them.
Life outside the JW org is not as bad as you have been raised to beleive. Yes, there is a strong emotional turmoil that most of us have undergone as we begin to realize that our entire childhood we have been lied to, duped, mislead. But you can work thru that and develope YOUR OWN veiwpoints on life, the world around you, religion, and more. No need to consult the local elders to determine if your dress is too short, or if you can take Alceton Positronic Liver pills or whatever. And the freinds you begin to make will be made because YOU choose them, not because they are 'good witnesses' who got their 10 hours in last month.
Good luck, please stay with us. Many of us have gone thru EXACTLY what you are going thru now.
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BobsGirl
I can certainly feel for you ... but I also know how freeing it is to know that there are people in my life who love and support me no matter how I think feel and believe. None of these people are biologically related to me ... but they are family. I did not find them however, until I found my way out of the organization. Ask yourself one question. Do you really believe that God is behind how you have been treated?? I don't think so. I have been more richly blessed in the 4 years since leaving than I was in the entire 28 that I spent in.
(((((Hugs))))
BobsGirl
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LDH
Air,
I was df'd at 19 and reinstated 4 months later at 20. I can relate. Email me privately if you'd like to talk.
Lisa
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Winston
Air,
I hope your mom can see how hard it is for you to give up your friends and will back off a little.
So young and so torn, I wish you the best and hope you find some nice older women in this group that can also be your close friends.
In fact I know you will.
How long Have you LIVED and how long has God LIVED?
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, to .000000000000000000000000000001
Who is like God? -
MegaDude
Air,
your story is repeated tens of thousands of time each year to different individuals in the Watchtower. I'm glad you made it through the experience with your life. I know firsthand there are those that were successful in taking their lives. There are many here who have walked in your shoes, disfellowshipping, loss of friends, even suicide attempts, and would be glad to offer their support. You've learned the hard way that the love of Jehovah's Witnesses is not love at all, but a pseudo-love based only on loyalty to a group of men in New York City who were corrupted long ago. Trust yourself on knowing who your real friends are. I think COMF's suggestion is excellent. If you're in school, see if there is a counselor available to you. Also find out if there are Ex-JWs in your area that live locally near you that you can talk to. Sometimes you will find they are the kindest people you'll ever meet. Of course, this board is always a good place to ask advice and get support. The bottom line is, build a network of support for yourself outside the controlled world of the Jehovah's Witnesses that you can trust. Good luck.