Just have to vent about supposed full grown son

by restrangled 30 Replies latest social family

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  wozadummy

  Restrangled

  Yes you are getting restrangled and I can empathize with you .My son was difficult too thru his teenage years just like that ,expecting everthing the easy way and it is a constant battle.

  When do I give in, when don't I ,he's so bright and got potential, feeling guilty for putting them thru the JW process and then leaving.....the battle is not with them so much as with yourselfI think!

  At 17 he had to redo high school but because I was broke he had to work to put himself thru as at that stage I could'nt help him.

  They can smell the gravy train though when things get better and work on you. In the end I did all I could and found out it is thankless unless you stop giving and do something practical to get them to carry their own load...with mine I made him work at my trade and he hated it , but as I pointed out to him he had money in his pocket for his nice things THAT HE HAD EARNED.

  Eventually he moved on to another trade and did it all by himself amazing what they can do if THEY want to.

  Hope this helps

  Steve
• 

  restrangled

  Thanks to all, and he will be picking up his father at the Orlando airport tonight. Because my husband did not reach me or my talked about son, he called the younger son which he heared the low-down from after delivering the key and then headed to work. I was then called and lost my mind...probably why he went to Chicago.

  There will be hell to pay when that guy picks up his father, considering the fact I just got off the phone voicing my insanity over the very subject.

  Like I said, It's over! I left when I was 17 made my way through the world as a secretary, without a college education and learned my way through, thanks to some wonderful cousins.

  I had to, my mother wanted me out at 17, I had no extended education, just my energy and love of life. I was denied a college education, and denied my independent spirit...

  I was told JUST GET OUT .......

  So my son has been given all, and takes advantage. I will not tolerate it.

  r
• 

  Beachbender

  restrangled soooooo been in your shoes! (growing up end of it!) My son has just turned 15 and we`ve really been trying to instill the "sense of his own reponsibility" for the things he "wants" and not really "needs" at this point in his life. Hard job!!!! they ALWAYS want to throw what "so & so has" at you. Been reenforcing all summer this year that we provide just fine for the things he needs (and some of things he wants!) anything else out there he comes up with is his own plan!! He did some baby-sitting and some small part-time stuff this summer, saying he`s "more than ready for doing part-time next summer for sure to have his own spending cash"!! He`s an only child so it`s hard to always just not go out and get what he wants, but we`ve learned through the past two years to STOP buying.

  You`re in Orlando? We`re in Cocoa Beach!
• 

  foundfreedom

  I can really feel for you!! I have a 20yr old daughter that doesnt drive (and holds down 2 jobs, so guess who gets to drive her there and back? and I also hold down a full time 9hr job!

  To top it off she is engaged to a canadian gentleman (non JW, and the shame of it! LOL she met him over the internet!!she was raised JW) that doesnt drive right now (they have lots of mass transet up there in Calgary) he just came down from Canada 2 days ago and my m-in-law is having fits when they are in the bedroom alone even though the door is open!!

  to top it all off my family of 4 + the canadian are all living in my 74yr old mother-in-laws house (that really only holds 5 at the max) while our house sells and we can find another one to purchase. (had a nice huge home that we put money down on but lost it 3 days ago to someone that came up and offered cash) There are days that I could just pull my hair out!!!! We do so much for our kids and it never ends, we just keep giving and never get anything back for all of our hard work that we do for them!!!!

  Then theres all the rest of life that we have to deal with!! just dont know how we do it all and still stay sane!!!!

  Any one ready to go to the pavilion with me! LOL
• 

  collegegirl21

  I didn't mean for you parents to freak out. I'm just saying out of experience, I'm a 21 year old who is working 2 jobs and going to school with 16 credits each semester paying for my own stuff and its hard. I wish I had my parents to help me out. I'm not saying you should hand everything over to him on a gold platter like you are, I'm just saying, reason with him and yourselve a little bit. I wish my parents would help, maybe then I could focus on getting better grades or focus on being my age because in a year and half, I will be out there working full time starting a life of my own.

  You are making your kids sound like they are doing something wrong when they are trying to better themselves. Some people dont even have parents to help them out, maybe you should say during the summer he's required to get part time job or else you're not paying for anything. And then during the school year find something small, like 10 hours a week, but that you would rather have him focus on school.
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  sass_my_frass

  Okay I don't have kids, but my solution would have been to tell him to camp out in the truck until the key that you're posting arrives.
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  SPAZnik

  Grow up and your son will too.
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  SPAZnik

  Some perspective:
  
  http://www.noofoto.com/index18.htm
  
  hehe
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  Beachbender

  ^^ ouch!!!
• 

  Wordly Andre

  22 and still at home, Man I wish you could have been my mom, I left home at 17 but from 14 worked summer and after school jobs. Sounds like you need to kick him out. Sometimes unless you fully take away support for your kids they will never know what true responsiblity is. Its hard but you survive, cup of noodles, top ramen, Peanut butter and Jelly, its all good!