My truth .... (page 2)

BobsGirl

Actually ... more details of my story are posted on silentlambs website...

BobsGirl

I admit, I can only take those stories in small doses...brings up alot of anger and bitterness that I don't want to let overwhelm me.
I'm glad you were able to post it there too. I hope you have received alot of help and support from doing so.

think41self

"Not believing is not the same as not knowing."

zev

reading your story has helped me even more to do what i must do next.

(((bobsgirl)))

thank you for sharing it.

i'm dealing with the conditional love issue as well. it hurts. but if thats the way it is...then i must move on. because i know, that i will be loved, unconditionally, without judgement....and weather or not i belong to a cult.

again thanks for sharing your story. i was moved.

-Zev
-August 8th, 2001 - The day the lambs ROARED

staronbrdway

bobsgirl....I'm Spencer...i have posted something on here before...but haven't been on in a LONG time......I was reading your story....well okay i was actually searching this site in hopes of finding other gay people....that's what my last post was about ...but I found your story....and I just can't NOT write my story now...i have to tell the whole thing...so here it is : When I was born, my father was disfellowshipped...at this point he had been disfellowshipped for about 10 years......he was reinstated when I was 5 and it was at that poing that I started going to meetings...of course because he would take me....I remember them very well....My mother was opposed at that point...but when I was 7 she herself got baptized (something i forgot....only my immediate family is in the "truth"). I remember for some years going to meetings and conventions and the like but never really being taught anything about the religiong, just being expected to know what I was to do...and so at the age of 13 I got baptized...I didn't even know who Jehovah was..I just did it because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. apparently i was good enough for the elders. so I wasbaptized and a year later I came to realize that I'm gay. I mean..I remember from when I was maybe 7 years old being in love with the host to shop till you drop and then I remember when I was 10 my neighbor and I "played" with eachother. for a few years now I have been struggling with who I am and what I am....I being now 17 know that I'm gay and that I CAN NOT change. I remember when I was 15 my mom read my journal and found out that I "thought" I was gay. and so one night after I came home from swing choir at school there wasa note in my room saying that she read my journal and she wasn't surpised( i've always been feminine) and that she and my father loved me and would help me get thru it as if it were some phase or something. and that they were taking me out of public school and we were switching to the other local congregation. This congregation turned out to be worse than my old one, the guys there all hate me, I have ONE good friend but she thinks that I can/want to change, and my whole circuit somehow knows that i'm gay and there are rumors flying all over about me, even people I don't know , know who i am and hate me. but back to my mother, I know that she lvoes me and I know my father loves me. and I know that if my mom wasn't a freeking witness that she would care, because she has told me that she doesn't wnat me pretending for her or for anyone else. but then my parents won't letme go hang out with my "worldy" friends or friends that are gay. because they're bad influences. okay If I was old enough to get baptized then i'm old enough to 1) know that I'm gay and 2) make my own choices when it comes to association.
I'm so sick of jw's thinking that they know how the world works and thinking that gay people can change. and that I can change, and that ugh! I'm so frustrated!!!! my father thinks that I can change, and he wants me to and thinks that I want to....last year I was publicly reproved because i had oral sex... I told the presiding overseer what happened.....and so we had to have a HUGE meeting with the elders and all this crap...ugh..it was insane. okay i'm getting myself all worked up here...and my story is a BIG MESS and not making any sense so I'm going to stop.
anyway my point is that, I HATE BEING A WITNESS AND I CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT! it's a cult, it's a serious cult, and sometimes I wish that they would have just dfed me way back when.

thinkers wife

Bobsgirl,
I cannot tell you how sorry I am for the pain you have experienced. Hurrah for therapy. Sounds like it helped you as much as it did me.
And double hurrah for being able to move on and live a normal life.
My wishes for your continued success and may you have all you have ever dreamed of!!
Star,
I would be most interested in hearing more from you. I studied with a woman, who became my best friend. As a result her daughter also got baptized. She is sixteen now and just informed me that she is in a lesbian relationship. I am supporting her all the way but fear for her.
If you would like to communicate more my mail is open.
TW

BobsGirl

Star,

Thank you so much for sharing. You have the kind of spirit that will serve you well. I have found a lot of support here and I am sure that you will as well. Hang in there.

BobsGirl

Ray Skyhorse

Bobsgirl & Star,

Thanks for sharing your life stories. They are very moving indeed. It takes a lot of courage to tell the truth sometimes. I feel so sorry that you both have had to suffer so much. It's so frustrating to see how the borg creates so much pain and suffering in the world.

Bobsgirl, you are a truly courageous woman. Reading positive stories like yours gives me the strength to keep on fighting on a daily basis. You are such a strong person. I feel like a weakling compared to you. My wife is JW and it is sometimes a daily struggle for me to maintain a positive outlook on life when I have doubts about being married to a JW. Someday, my wife will be a xJW. Someday.

Star On Broadway, keep your chin up. You are wise and strong beyond your years. I can understand some your feelings regarding your sexuality. I'm bisexual and you are gay; nothing that either one of us can do will change those facts. You can probably be declared an "emancipated minor" by the courts if you want to leave home and live on your own. Living on your own may not be a good option for you, but you may want to think about it. I feel sorry that you are being persecuted for who you are. I believe that there are legal organizations that can assist you with changing your legal status should you decide to pursue that option.

Peace,

Ray Skyhorse

My truth ....

BobsGirl

think41self

zev

staronbrdway

thinkers wife

BobsGirl

Ray Skyhorse

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