Thoughts... (page 4)

juni

Hugs Balsam. I'm sorry to hear about your son. I want you to know that I'm thinking of you.

Juni

fullofdoubtnow

Richie, that is beautiful.

I am sure that your mum does love you, she's just not allowed to show it. Don't blame her, blame the wts for that, damn them!

Linda

Warlock

Hi Rich,

I was a lurker when you were having all these problems.

Look, your mom will ALWAYS love you. She just wants you to do things HER way. You know, parents are always worrying about their kids, their kids decisions in life, and which way their kids lives are heading.

The problem with some parents, is that they do not realize their children must live their own lives, and it may not be the type of life they want for their kids. She just wants the best for you, as SHE sees it.

Mothers have a hard time letting go, more so than fathers, I think.

When she can see that her life is hers and your life is yours, it will be a giant step in your relationship.

Warlock (a parent)

Bryan

Sorry to hear about your pain, Rich. So many go through it. My father likes to see pics of my son (his new grandson) via my step-sisters. He will not, though, call me, speak to me or even send a gift to his new grandson.

The Tower is a bastardized, organized cult. We all hurt.

It was great to hear from you!

Bryan

Fleur

Hi Rich,
I was a lurker when you were having all these problems.
Look, your mom will ALWAYS love you. She just wants you to do things HER way. You know, parents are always worrying about their kids, their kids decisions in life, and which way their kids lives are heading.
The problem with some parents, is that they do not realize their children must live their own lives, and it may not be the type of life they want for their kids. She just wants the best for you, as SHE sees it.
Mothers have a hard time letting go, more so than fathers, I think.
When she can see that her life is hers and your life is yours, it will be a giant step in your relationship.
Warlock (a parent)

Warlock is spot on. This isn't about love, Rich. She loves you as best she is able. As messed up as my mother is, I believe she loves me in her own way. But it's not the kind of maternal love I give my child...and someday if you choose to have children (unfathomable now, I know, but much later down the road) you will have a chance to choose what kind of parent you want to be. If nothing else, you will have learned to give love in a way that your mother is not capable of doing...and your children (and anyone else in your life, for that matter) will benefit. JW's teach a counterfeit version of love. It's all regulated, demanding, controlling. Unless and Until (to risk borrowing a phrase from Dr Phil) they can get their head out of the...er...sand and realize that loving you means giving you freedom...then it'll feel very one sided for you. Your post was heartbreaking. I'd have cried...honestly...but I really think I have no more tears to cry on this issue. I felt the way you feel about your mom about my Grandmother. I really struggled after she passed on that I disappointed her. But I have to know that if she's anywhere now, she knows the reasons I did what I did. I know that she knew that I loved her...I got to tell her so on the phone before she passed. Be kind to yourself, and please don't let the guilt get 'suicidal'. It's their trip, not yours. The only thing you have done 'wrong' is to wake up. You are salvaging your life in your teens...you have everything ahead of you. Keep eyes forward...and remember that you've never stopped loving, nor offering love. It's up to them if they accept it or not, and that, my dear, you have no control over. hugs and big-sisterly love, essie

serendipity

((( Richie ))) As others have said, your Mom still loves you, but in a conditional way. That's not the way it should be, it's not fair, but it may become something you have to accept.

My mother abandoned me as a baby and then abused me when she came back into my life. My father was abusive as well. I never felt loved as a child. Even today, my mother 'loves' me as "insurance" for her geriatric care- and it's manipulative and toxic love. I've been able to distance myself from that while still being civil to her, but it's taken years to get to this point and feel comfortable. I still have a hole in my soul from the lack of love, but it seems to grow smaller over time. One thing that's been surprisingly therepeutic is being a parent, and raising my daughter with unconditional love.

Hang in there, kiddo. You'll make it and the pain will decrease over time.

bebu

Richie, for you to love your mom so much is inspiring. Lots of teens are so conflicted by their parents that they push them away rather than deal with the pain.

I agree with the one who suggested giving your note to her next mother's day. Send it with a single rose.

bebu

...& praying for your mom to soften

Confession

Richie,

I'm glad you started this thread. Although I'm forty years old, I'm going through somewhat of the same thing as you right now. My mother learned of my position regarding the WTS only four months ago, and this definitely appears to have brought on an estrangement. I continue to vacillate on what to do.

Everyone Else,

Thanks for your thoughts to Richie. They're helpful to me too.

Love,

Confession

ocsrf

Your a great guy, beautiful poem, do the same as the witnesses say they do, continue to show her the love you have for her.

Such demonstration will be noticed and appreciated by your mom, in time it will help soften her position.

Lady Liberty

Dear Richie,

Hang in there! You can be sure your mom loves you. Maybe it would be good to tell her your feelings. Sounds like you need to tell her what you have told us. Hearing from you, maybe exactly what she needs too. Sometimes when we are angry we do and say things we don't really mean. Perhaps enough time has gone by now, that she will take to heart your feelings.

Sincerely,

Lady Liberty

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