oh man, sounds like mom has gone a little off her nut. :( Hang in there.
I need some friendly support...
by LuciousJ 31 Replies latest jw friends
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LisaRose
I went through this with my Mom before she died. She had very mixed feelings, loved her kids but felt guilty about the DF ones. So, hot and cold, see 'em then not. Drove my Sister crazy. I went out toward the end of her life. We both went to see her as I knew she was dying. I got a letter when I got back saying "I really enjoyed your visit, but I'm afraid I can't talk to you anymore". So I take her at her word, then I head second hand that "Why does't LIsa call?". Crazy making.
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garybuss
- J, I'm really sorry, she's a terrible mother. A mother (or father) never rejects their children and protects them from threats and mean behavior directed towards them. Your mother threatened you and tried to hurt you. There's never a good reason for that behavior from a mother towards her child.
I grieved for my own mother and father, not for my loss . . . but for theirs. Their loss of their ability, their will, to function as a parent and as a grandparent. I let my parents know they were welcome but their mean behaviors were not. I contacted my parents when I was still disgusted with them, I wished I'd have waited.
There was a freeing that came with standing up to them. I think that freeing could have come other ways. I think the benefit was the walling off the abuse, and knowing my family was safe from them. I like nice people, calm behavior and friendly manners . . . respect.
What I got from my parents was disrespect. I got yelled at and before my mother slammed her door to my back she told me she'd wished she'd have put me in a foster home as a child.
It was all a double bind. My parents taught me to respect them and then they were disrespectable. They taught me to love them and they were unlovable. They taught me to honor them and they were dishonorable. By their behaviors they blocked me from loving, honoring, and respecting them and they did it on purpose.
I don't blame Jehovah's Witnesses for having mean parents. My parents have free will and take their own freedoms in their own ways like so many Witnesses do. My philosophy is that my parents aren't mean because they're Witnesses, they're mean people who happen to be Witnesses. They live as a part of a culture that supports the nasty behaviors they like and that's convenient.
The Witness culture supports rejection and mean behavior so that people who are mean and rejecting are welcome and accepted by their peers. Many other cultures find that kind of behavior repulsive.
If the children are old enough, I'd use this opportunity to vaccinate the children against Witnessism and teach them a healthy distrust of their Witness relatives. I wished I'd have done that. -
Apostate Kate
It sounds like she just got her copy of the September WT that delineates how to treat their relatives who "leave Jehovah"...if you havent read that one it is posted here. What she is doing is PRECISELY what they told her to do towards you.Jehovahs Witness Discussion Forum - Topic: FRESH OFF THE PRESS.... 9/1/06 WT "When a Loved One Leaves Jeh." (page 1)
Yes, this was my thought also.
There are so many subliminal fear responses that Watchtower material can trigger.
I'd guess that she is acting out of fear, for what it's worth.
I wouldn't rule out medical problems either.
Regardless, don't take it personal, even though there is nothing more personal than a relationship between mother and child. The Watchtower's greatest power over families is being able to negate that bond.
Hang in there.
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LuciousJ
I want to thank you all for the great posts & to some of you for making me laugh. I haven't slept in 2 nights, my jaw hurts because when I HAVE fallen asleep, I've been clenching my teeth together (stress is my guess). Today, when she said I am 'dead to her'.....I decided to take a few deep breaths and sit down and write a long letter citing scriptures and some of the info. I've found (and where it came from.....the society's literature of course). Thanks to a great friend, I have some great "PROOF" I can share with her. Even if I never send this letter......I feel it will be therapeutic for me to write it. I really hope that she doesnt' die mad at me ('do not let the sun set before your anger...."). Her health is getting poor. I feel in my heart that there is so much more to this than us being DA now. I think there is jealousy (as some stated, which is dead on with her), anger (at the fact that we have always had wonderful 'worldly' friends and she has no one but witnesses.) and further, sadly, it's a way for her to have more drama in her life which I think is necessary for her to function. She thrives on "Oh WOE is me!!!"
So, I'm going to tuck myself snuggly in bed and have thoughts of sugarplums dancing in my head!!! Worldly_Andre......I know you can have fun with this one.......
'Nite everyone!
- J
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LuciousJ
Y.C.- I am so sorry about your letter from your MIL. However, I have to say....at least she was very kind and dignified about it. My mother was harsh, unkind and everything contrary to the Christ-like attitude she professes to have. I only wish my mother's letter would have been that nice. Again, though, it's never easy being 'dismissed' as a family member. How can an 'organization' have so much control over your life?! So bizarre. Hang in there....we're all in this 'together!'
LuciousJ
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LuciousJ
LMAO!
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LuciousJ
Well, James, we have quite the dysfunctional family. Since all of this has occurred, I've also lost my youngest sister (who is almost 21, baptized and has NO clue about anything in the Watchtower except that she chooses to live 'by their rules' as she put it.) 2 of my sisters took my side and now don't speak to my mom and the other sister (I have 4) has been estranged from me & the 2 I talk to now for years. So.....aren't we the perfect picture of a happy family???!!! Anyway, as for her health, well, I've thought of dementia but she's on so many meds for so many things that I believe that has to do with her 'unstable thinking'.....not to mention she's in a very deplorable state right now that she put herself in for reasons that are too many to type. I think that adds to her anger, jealousy & fear. She's holding out for that "promise" that the society is giving everyone which is that "the END is SOOOOOOO close.....right around the corner in fact!" It's so sad. Did you all hear that at the assembly this year they had a huge thing on Apostacy and how so many people are 'leaving Jehovah' and trying to blind the minds of other believers? Also, WATCHTOWER.ORG is the ONLY true website!!!!!! Darn, I missed the convention this year....
J
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LuciousJ
Yep, she went to the convention and of course there was stuff on apostacy and how hundreds of people are 'leaving Jehovah' and poisoning the minds of believers. And.....do NOT go to any websites except for WATCHTOWER.ORG....it's the only TRUE website out there for witnesses.
Whatever.......brainwashing I tell you......that's all it is.
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mama1119
Lucious.... I am so sorry for what you are going through. You never know if she may come around or not. I hope your kids will be able to continue to have contact with her, that would be awful if she cut them off too. Maybe once the shock wears off she will come to her senses. Just live and be free............