I need some friendly support...

LuciousJ

So, we left the org. back in December. I went & visited my mother in February & shared with her some of the research I had found. She was receptive at first but then became very uneasy & claimed that it looked like apostate literature (mind you, it was all from the SOCIETY'S LITERATURE......but, closed minds....you know!). Well, I had to tell her that we weren't going to meetings because she would have wanted me to go to hers while I was visiting. She didn't go to ANY of hers while I was there and I even told her to go and I would hang out at the house. She wouldn't. I don't know why. So, the first holiday we celebrated was Easter. Then, my kids' b-days all fell from May thru August. We celebrated those. Now every year, on each of my kids' b-days, my mom calls and wishes them a 'happy b-day.' My youngest turned 5 on Thursday of last week. Friday night, I get a phone call from my mom and she wants to talk to my daughter and wish her a "HAPPY B-DAY". The VERY next day, I get a GOD AWFUL email from her telling me she wants nothing to do with us any longer and will no longer accept any emails or phone calls from us. She told me we are 'apostate' and that she can no longer even pray for us to come to our senses. She told me that not only are my children going to 'die' in the near future but it's MY FAULT. The end of the email said "May Jehovah have mercy on you & your family.....you are truly going to need it." I have never cried so hard in my life. I was devastated. Even though a part of me expected her to react in a way that would cause her to keep her distance, I never imagined the knife going in and twisting the way it did from my own mom. I realize she has nothing in her life at this point (age 62) except for this faith and her only friends are within the org. but to disown your own flesh & blood over it? She was disfellowshipped years ago and she just recently had lunch with a WORLDY GAY MAN. Can you even fathom this?????? Everytime I read that email in my head, I choke back the tears. I mean, it's my mom & my kids' grandmother.
I have sisters who were raised in the 'false' and left in their teenage years (never baptized) and my mom has attended many events they have had (birthdays included). She celebrated x-mas for years with my g-mother because my mom said "I'm an only child & you girls are her only g-children so I can't begrudge her of something she believes in and wants to share with us!" WHAT? Where is your dedication????? With that being said, she has always been one of the more 'lenient' JWs. But, since we stopped going, all the sudden.....she walks on water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What to do......how to react?

- J

Dismembered

Greetings luciousJ

Just wait! Sounds to me like she will change her mind. She's probably, recently talked to some of the Watchtower idiots, and perhaps they've rekindled some kinda fear/guilt mongering which is what those screwballs are famous for. Hang in there! Things'll get better

Dismembered

chuckie77

Yeah, I tend to agree, you'll just have to hang in there and wait... I think your mum sounds like a really decent person who will realise her own family is more important to her than the organisation. It might just take an occasional email or phonecall from one of your kids to her. You'll have to remember too, this is a really hard time for her as well and try to understand her side of things. I remember my mum and my sister having similar disagreements and things eventually worked themselves out over time. Unfortunately though, you'll never get the days back that youre missing out on now.

Lifes too short for this type of crap isnt it.

Calliope

hi lusciousJ,

remember, this isn't your mother but an organization putting words in her mouth. she was told to put on this "new personality" a long time ago. her words are the sentiments of a mind-controlling organization, not her own. she's demonstrated how she's really felt for you since you saw her back in february. someone in the org. has probably just assailed her with guilt and that's what made her say what she did.

give her time.

and remember you have mothers here that will love you as their own daughter. you have men and women that will love you as their own siblings...

and welcome to the board.

calliopé

BizzyBee

Be strong and hold your head up high. Refuse to take emotional abuse. She is the one in hell. When she has had enough, she will come back to you. You certainly have our support.

apostawriter

You definitely have my support. Challenging a person's core beliefs can be the most unsettling thing, explaining her irrational behaviour. She does sound divided, and a person who is divided may take drastic measures to get some decisiveness in her life. When she comes back to you, she will probably need you to be forgiving and understanding.

You can rely on the support of xjw's until you can rely on her again.

Daniel

JamesThomas

You're getting some good advice, LuciousJ.

Your dear mom is being motivated by intense fear. Giver her some space and continue to love and respect her...she needs you.

Here is a good article that may help you understand what is going on.

http://www.csicop.org/si/2000-11/beliefs.html

j

Apostate Kate

I agree with everything everyone has posted so far. Let the tears flow, forgive her, continue to reach out to her gently. Hope that she will come around soon.

Deal with your pain in a healthy way, don't turn it inside like some of us have done. I found writing really helps. I will write fictional stories about the pain, or write letters to people that I never send.

Love hurts, but is not lost.

This is not your fault.

Love~Kate

Wasanelder Once

Sounds like Mom's a little unstable. The pendulum will swing your way again. Be patient and don't panic.

W.Once

SusanHere

Hi Lucious,

I'm really sorry you had to experience such a painful rejection from your mother. You know she doesn't really believe her own words because of how liberal she has been in the past. It has to be someone in the organization twisting the screws on her to cause such a knee-jerk type of reaction from her. Maybe it's all the latest "end of this system is now" talk. Who knows.

The same thing has happened repeatedly with my JW sister, who sends birthday cards and Christmas gifts (in Christmas wrapping!), yet when I thank her she will, as often as not, insist that she didn't send anything at all. In one childishly silly exchange between us, she refused to admit the gift came from her (addressed by her own hand so no doubt about it), so I sent back a letter expressing my sadness that the "wonderfully loving sisterly gesture" wasn't really from her after all. She immediately wrote back saying, yes it really was her and she was glad I liked what she sent. So lame!! Why not just say, "I'm so glad you liked it! I bought it just for you!" to begin with, like any normal person would.

Obviously, it's tough living a double life as JWs have to do if they want to have anything like a normal relationship with us non-JWs. It must be especially difficult if, like my sister, they grew up knowing the joys of sharing special holidays and other family experiences that are now forbidden to them.

It's just so sad. They have to master double-think and are always walking a tightrope, afraid someone will find out they :::::GASP:::::: bought and mailed a birthday card.

I hope your mother will soon resume normal contact with you and your children. There's really no excuse for the pain she has caused you, but for sure, she's causing even more pain for herself. You have your children, your family. She has nothing.

Hug your children for her, until she returns to her senses and can hug them again for herself.

Good luck and God bless always,

Susan

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