Elders Are Closing In....

by daniel-p 39 Replies latest jw friends

  • mkr32208
    mkr32208
    I might want to implement a plan that would make the elders feel i would be a lot to handle.

    See that's a dangerous strategy in that if you are' careful you could easily raise a question that they cant' handle! I know your thinking that would be a GOOD thing but it's NOT! Here's the choices of what will happen;

    1) They will df you right then for apostasy
    2) One or more elders will be extremely pissed that you put a chink in Their nice shiny spiritual armor and will make it their life quest to get you dfed
    3) They might leave you alone... (unlikely!)

    Better to NOT raise any red flags if you want to be left alone!

  • LuciousJ
    LuciousJ

    I swear....you make me laugh EVERY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • LuciousJ
    LuciousJ

    ....or........if you feel really strongly about your 'beliefs' and don't want to lie......you could say "I don't see the love within the congregation and it's really made me back off." That is, if that can apply. We did that at first (which was so true of our congregation) and then we kept uncovering more things that caused us to finally open up. Well, that did it. They called EVERY DAY and showed up here EVERY WEEKEND. You really can't avoid them for long without it becoming overwhelming and tiresome for you & your family. Decide if you really want to live the 'double lifestyle' or not. We didn't. We couldn't. So we DA-d ourselves. Tough decision but one we felt best for us. You have to do what you feel is best for YOU not your family who are still JW's. I just lost my mom because she 'disowned me' due to us being labeled apostates. Very devastating but, I know Jehovah is proud of me for standing firm against what is really wrong. Isn't that what is first and foremost the important thing.......pleasing HIM? That's what we're taught anyway.

    Follow your heart. That's really all you can do. Hang in there. Many people are here for you.

    LuciousJ

  • AuldSoul
    AuldSoul
    daniel-p: Also, it would be a psychological burden for me, since I would be compromising my ideal of not lying anymore in order to hide my beliefs (which is easier said then done, of course).

    That's what got me. I was determined not to even slightly bend the truth to help maintain their illusions of unity for them. In my opinion, it is nearly impossible to maintain a high degree of integrity as a JW unless you just don't talk to anyone.

    Respectfully,
    AuldSoul

  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee

    If it's just a matter of not turning in time, and they question you on that, you could say you speak informally about your "beliefs" and really have no idea what to put down at the end of the month.

    It's pretty impossible to keep track of informal time.

    So, because you don't want to be dishonest, you don't turn in a time slip. Tell them you know what you do and so does Jehovah and feel this is the best thing for you right now. I basically told the elders something similar and it seemed to be enough for them.

    Just a suggestion.

    BB

  • serendipity
    serendipity

    Hi briaq!

  • daniel-p
    daniel-p
    If it's just a matter of not turning in time, and they question you on that, you could say you speak informally about your "beliefs" and really have no idea what to put down at the end of the month.

    It's pretty impossible to keep track of informal time.

    So, because you don't want to be dishonest, you don't turn in a time slip. Tell them you know what you do and so does Jehovah and feel this is the best thing for you right now. I basically told the elders something similar and it seemed to be enough for them.

    That's a good idea.

    Thanks, everyone, for all your replies and concerns. It helps.

  • willyloman
    willyloman
    However, I do not want to give him that satisfaction. Also, it would be a psychological burden for me, since I would be compromising my ideal of not lying anymore in order to hide my beliefs

    Wrong approach, my friend. You want to fade, perhaps for 3-5 more years according to one of your posts, and that's a very long time. What you need then is to become less visible, not more visible; miss some meetings, attend only some of the convention or assembly, but at the same time keep them off your back by reporting enough FS time to stay out of the inactive column.

    The strategy you are adopting is not going to work. You have to shed your wishful thinking, and fast. Think about this: you have been lying about your FS time for years, if you're honest about it, by guestimating, rounding up, counting break time as service time, etc. We ALL do/did it. So why have qualms about inventing an imaginary friend at work that you "witness" to on lunch hours, etc. One poster suggested you manufacture 2 hours a month and a magazine or two every several months. I'd go so far as to suggest you do that every month, but vary the hours occasionally (1 or 3), and skip a month now and then).

    Much good advice on this thread in terms of lazy elders reacting mostly to the squeakiest wheels and taking the path of least resistance if you let them. That's the key. Make it easy for them to ignore you and don't raise any flags.

    I've often said, the reason for fading is to buy yourself enough time to develop other interests and new friends so that when the inevitable day comes when it's time to say good bye to dubdom, you won't care!

  • LovesDubs
    LovesDubs

    Fear....like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Why exactly do you feel compelled to meet with this guy? I mean you do have to AGREE to do this right? The last time I checked it was still a "voluntary bible education service" that the JWs were doing so why exactly is it bad that you are taking time off? I remember them giving me shit when I said I didnt want to be on the SCHOOL any more. Even though MOST of the congregation WASNT on the damn school...and when my best friend stopped being a pioneer because she was PREGNANT and had a TWO YEAR OLD and they needed MONEY so she had to get a JOB they still made her feel bad because she was letting Jehovah down or some crap.

    This guy isnt your daddy...tell him to put his concerns in writing and mail them to you. That you have "private issues" and dont feel comfortable discussing them.

    What can he say?? Its none of his damn business.

  • IP_SEC
    IP_SEC

    *flamers stand ready*

    Take it on the chin and then you never have to look over your shoulder and worry about it again. Fading is the hard choice in the long run IMO. Fading can be awaste time that could be spent living. Get on and live life on your terms. You strike me as the kind of person that could do it.

    Im not down on faders if thats what they really want. I just see cutting a clear line in the sand as the simplest, easiest, most logical approach...

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