Golden--sorry for your heartache, it's difficult when you love someone. You need to put your child first though. Maybe some counseling would help you to get over this person--the JW religion only brings heartache and you need to get out before you get in any deeper. Wish you much luck!
Separated and dating a JW
by goldenshell 50 Replies latest social relationships
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Big Tex
before i will be able to committ to him i will have to wait 3 years
Do you mind me asking why? Does this have to do with your faith or is this a restriction he has put on you?
i am tired of seeing him once a month because his family doesnt know about us (he tells me that if they knew they would tell him to stop helping them with money and to stay with me
Big red flag. What I'm hearing is that he is sneaking around to see you on the sly. Once a month is not very often. This relationship sounds more physical than anything else, and his behavior seems to confirm that is how he views it. I don't know, but there's something about this that doesn't sound right to me. Either he is being dishonest with you about his family (could he be married?) or he is stringing you along.
:but he doesnt wantto make that choice,since he was young he supported the family //on top of that after marriage he doesnt want to have children and he tells me that i have already 1 child (we spoke many times bout that and to make sure he wont have children he wants to do an operation that will sterilize him )
Why doesn't he want children? A vasectomy for a 30 year old man sounds a bit drastic.
1)I feel that no matter what i tell him he wont feel my pain
Forgive me, but if you are already experiencing pain at this level, perhaps you need to re-examine this relationship. Apparently the lines of communciation between the two of you are already breaking down. Look ahead to the future, do you really think he will somehow change by marrying you? And if you are already at this early stage having pain and problems communicating, you would do well to consider what sort of family life this man will provide your child.
2)sometimes i regret leaving my husband even if i know i did it 4 the right purpose
Again, forgive a blunt response, but perhaps you would be wiser to settle your first relationship before starting another. By that I mean, finalize the divorce with your husband and then find a man who is not ashamed to introduce you to his family. I don't see where you need to rush.
3)i want to know how JW think about separated people
Well, according to the JW teachings, this man is guilty of loose conduct which is a disfellowshipping (excommunicating) offense. Any touching below the waist is a no-no. I'm not sure, but since you're still legally married he may also be guilty of adultery but I'm not sure about that one.
As for separated couples, Witnesses say that you are still married until you are divorced for Scriptural reasons. They say that the only Scriptural reason for divorce is adultery (either by you or by your husband). So even if you get a legal divorce you are still considered to be married to your husband and if this man has sex with you he would definitely be guilty of adultery.
4)he told me that the more time will pass the more will be involved wth his Religion
I can't help but wonder though if he is using his religion as an excuse. I don't know, but he sounds like he is not interested in a serious relationship with you. He also doesn't sound like a man who believes the JW teachings. Now there I can't blame him as they are inane teachings.
5)he was wrong touching me from the beginning because is more difficult 4 me to accept that (i could accept more avoiding sex before cause there was the touching involved .I spoke with him and he froze infornt of the word Compromize)He admited that he is imposing me to accept things that arent part of my life and he cried cause he knew i was suffering and he was confusing me///
As others have said, Jehovah's Witnesses demand absolute obedience and no one (not family or spouse) is more important than allegiance to that organization. If he really is serious about his religion, he will not be able to have any relationship with you unless you become a Witness as well.
6)He told me that the situation will change when i will solve my problem(divorce)and he will solve his problems (help his mom economically and his sister)
Maybe. Again, for him to have an open relationship with you, you will be required to join that religion. Period.
I still can't help but feel his is not being completely honest with you. And I think you would do better focusing on getting your life in order before pursuing another relationship.
Good luck.
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AuntieJane
Girl I am going to be blunt. You are playing with fire. First of all, you are Islam and not ever going to change religion.
so you say. Then do not date anyone except an Islam. forgodsakes don't bring more stress into your or your
child's life by falling for guys who don't believe as you do. Raising a family is hard enough, much less mixing
religions. Esp ones as extreme as JW and Islam. Your child needs more from you than this.
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AuntieJane
Girl I am going to be blunt. You are playing with fire. First of all, you are Islam and not ever going to change religion.
so you say. Then do not date anyone except an Islam. forgodsakes don't bring more stress into your or your
child's life by falling for guys who don't believe as you do. Raising a family is hard enough, much less mixing
religions. Esp ones as extreme as JW and Islam. Your child needs more from you than this.
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agapa37
If I may put my two cents in it sounds to me that he realizes he got involved in a relationship that he shouldnt have. JW are encouraged through the bible to marry ONLY in the lord. They are encouraged from the bible not to have interfaith relationships (Marraige, boyfriend, girlfriend..)
Not that there is anything wrong with you, let me say it again..Not that there is anything wrong with you, it is Gods word that instructs them to Mary only in the lord for good reasons. A Good example is with King Solomon. I personally think he got caught up in his disire which NOONE is immune from. I believe he stopped it before that desire became fertile. Again it is not you hun!
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jgnat
What I find despicable, agapa, is that this young man was not up-front about his beliefs from the very beginning. He's led this woman along so far, she separated from her husband! That's not an accident. He obviously appeared as devoted to her at one time as she apparently is to him. Also, from a JW's point of view, which is worse; stealing another man's wife, or "marrying out of the Lord"?
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agapa37
Yes i agree. From experience however and im sure i am not the only one, I too have been caught up in situations knowing I was doing wrong and stopped it and turned things around. People are not perfect. From what I read of her experience he got her involved in a terrible situation and now he is trying to fix it on his end. The right thing for him to do is to tell her the truth. Maybe it is exactly as I figured and the truth told to her would be the ONLY thing he can do. Too answer what would be worse. In my opinion it would be taking another mans wife!
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codeblue
Welcome and I feel for you!
This guy is being very selfish......
He is more committed to his religion........a hard code to crack.
For your sanity......I recommend.........dating............move on.......... ( I am not being mean about this.....he is much like an alcoholic with this religion.....yes, he led you on with the fondling issues....but this religion rules in HIS mind till he knows it is a cult)
Please find happiness with someone that is FREE for you and emotionally available.......You deserve that!
Codeblue
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goldenshell
I will reply to everybody :
I agree when u say that my BF wasnt honest from the beginning with me because he went that far . I also agree that his desire and curiosity was strong .What i am concerned about is that he expect me to be the only one to understand When u say that i am suppose to date only from my faith ure right .What i mean is that i converted and i shouldnt ! but my love is stronger than that and maybe i expect the same from him !!!Am breaking rules and thats why maybe am so angry @him cause am doing what am not supposed to .Am also holding myself from touching him...he knows he is a great effort but ...which sacrifices is he doing?which compromises?
He is not married but extra ,over carefull with his brothers that live in the same apartment with him.If i ring him and he is brothers are with him he would send me a txt back.Before i decided to live my husband he was very close to me ,he gave me good advices and he even predicted my husband next moves(hitting me ).My experience was very close to his mom experience when she was married to his dad and wanted to live him then JW approached them and i feel that the mother found help in them (one of the members helped them to leave the house).He tells me that many good things happened to them since they started to get closer to the ''faith''(his mother found answers that nobody could find and if there was no food in the house ,after praying suddendly they would find food or neighbours would have bring them something to eat ....pls c'mon my question for you guys is :are u ex JW Or still JW?and if ure not how did u come out?
I will definitely buy the book one of you adviced me to
My other question is :Why he told me that if i want to leave he wont stop me or blame me he will understand ?Cant he leave me?if he really loves me and care about me and stop seeing me suffering he should talk clear ,or because he cares :he thinks i will suffer more if he leaves?(also he proves he is not a man)
If it might help to understand better my Bf i will copy and paste his recent conversation trying to convince me that everything is ok !
What do you think guys?
Believe me that i think about my son and i want the best for him and thats why am so concerned and thats why i will definitely seek professional help (help me to give the right answers to my son that ignore why his dad left :he is too young)
Maybe i lost confidence (txs to my husband)and i think that is gonna be really hard 4 me to find someone else ....ever ....
i will have to wait 3 years to be able to marry again because am in Europe and because my bf he is not from my religion (if he would have been muslim :i can marry even tomorrow ,and i think is the same for him ...if he wants to marry from his religion it can happen even tomorrow...
the idea of the vasectomy was already in him from the beginning(he says because he wants to be a perfect father and he is scared to fail he cannot afford to fail and i also think that is related to his experience as a child that suffered :his dad wasnt great ,he says that he doesnt like teenagers )he doesnt know many things :How to explain to him what is missing?(child/sex)
Txs
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goldenshell
What i mean is that i converted and i shouldnt !
i will explain cause i made a mistake in writing>i converted so i should date someone from another faith