My son

by wonderwoman 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  Frannie Banannie

  How should I approach it?

  Wonderwoman, he's 13, as you say. He knows and is aware of much more than you realize and he can understand plenty. He's also still able to be tricked, manipulated and confused.

  My advice would be to start by letting him see what you posted here. Then back it up with info on how to identify a religious cult and also let him see a reliable source of info on the tactics cult members use and lengths to which they will go to indoctrinate unsuspecting innocents. Let him see and/or read up on the psychological and physical "fallout" to those who've been wise enough to leave a religious cult.

  This way, he'll know where your heart is.....annnnd.....he'll be able to recognize their tactics and make informed choices for himself where their religion is concerned.

  Hope this helps!

  Frannie
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  KW13

  i think 13 is a good age to start explaining, i am only 17 now and thinking to 5 years ago (nearly 18 whoo) i could prolly of handled any discussion related to the religion, at that depth. i left when i was 14.

  try your son, see what he feels and go from there there is a film called the island - its not 100% related to this but its a good one for comparisons to the org.
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  skeeter1

  I would talk with him. He's old enough to understand the JWs basic lies (UN, 1975, blood). He's also probably old enough to understand/learn about cult religions. BUT, I would not make a big deal of it. At 13, he's entering the rebellous stage. You don't want him to rebel against you, and towards the JW cult. Barbara Anderson's story is that one of the reasons she was so attracted to the JWs as a teenager was that her family was so against it.

  Skeeter
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  parakeet

  You are doing your son a great disservice by allowing his JW relatives to attempt to indoctrinate him with their agenda.
  When my son was young and visited my JW parents, they were absolutely forbidden--by me--to take him to meetings, in FS, or even to "preach" to him. If they wanted him for a weekend, they had to skip the Sunday meeting. If they weren't willing to do that, I picked him up on Saturday night.
  You're his mom -- it's your responsibility to protect your child from unhealthy influences. He's not too young at 13 to understand that his mother's desire for his well-being supercedes any other consideration.
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  wonderwoman

  Thank you all for your well thought out advice.
  I am the only one with kids in the fam, so wordly andre, as much as I would love to throw that one at them it's a no go.
  I think my best bet is to talk about it in depth with him, which involves a lot of painful crap.(why I haven't really done it earlier.)
  
  The good thing is he already has no interest in any of it, so at least it won't be a fight. He threw the book away himself.
  As far as my family goes that's another matter I need to take a stand on. I'm just scared I guess. I am on the cusp of losing all of them.
  
  But the kiddo is worth it.
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  wonderwoman

  Thanks for the movie suggestions. He's a huge movie buff. I already added them to Netflix. WW
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  KW13

  Well good luck (and g'nite i am off to bed)

  <------------ got ma' night goggles on)
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  wonderwoman

  thanks dude. sweet dreams.
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  JeffT

  Our children were 13, 12 and 3 when we started our exit in 1988. We shared everything we were learning with the older two and they were very much a part of the decision process. I think you tell him what you know and why you no longer believe the religion.

  If you want, study the book with they sent and have him write down all his questions. Have him do some research on the net or at the library. Then encourage him to share what he's learned with whoever sent the book.
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  jgnat

  At thirteen, he's old enough to know more. I suggest you help him learn to THINK and EVALUATE on his own, as a general protection against ALL cults, rather than trying to forbid. Here's my notes on how to introduce reasoning at his age level:

  Provide love and acceptance of your child’s choices, no matter what. Protect them from the truly harmful (drugs, unprotected sex, reckless driving). Have them reason with you why these things are inadvisable (or if they try and prove they aren’t show where their reasoning is flawed). Honor their independence, and express confidence in their choices. Hide your fear, they are terrified of growing up already!

  I suggest you get the critical thinking booklet series from www.criticalthinking.org Work through some of the exercises together. Then your son will be able to see through your family's machinations, even if you can't supevise him 24/7.

  I agree, you are well within your rights to tell the relatives to BACK OFF until he reaches the age of majority. THEN he can decide for himself.

  By the way, I raised my two children alone, far away from their violent and abusive father. Even so, we talked about visitation one day IF THEY WANTED TO. I promised if I did arrange something, it would be supervised, and I would make sure they were safe. Neither of my children expressed interest until they were adults. When my son was about twenty, he arranged to meet his father without involving me. After his first visit, he said, "It was weird. He was sort of remote or something. But he was exactly as you described." My son's curiosity was satisfied. My daughter to this day has not expressed any interest in meeting her father. But I earned my children's enduring respect for honoring their CHOICE.