My Whole Life Seems Like A Fabrication

by Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit 55 Replies latest jw experiences

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  cyberdyne systems 101

  Hi catfish!

  Enjoyed reading your post, I can hear your anger, many of us experience that feeling, that you wasted so much of your life - made choices based on human thinking purported to have been gods words - the injustice of being shunned - learning the real truth about it. Its part of the long process to recovery, i've had times where the anger leaves me and I think i've turned a corner, only for something to happen and more of it surfaces. As far a family are concerned, you have to try and put yourself back to where you were once like them to understand it, and although it is so clear to you now, they are still so far removed from seeing whats right under their noses - all they have to do is read the Bible, and yet the constant 'spiritual food' they take in clouds that out. I can only think of one analogy to that discription of spiritual food and thats supersize me, the documentary about eating junk food for an extended period, and how bad it was.

  CS 101
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  Legolas

  Welcome to the board!
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  LongHairGal

  Welcome Catfish:
  
  I love your story and I feel your anger. But you have two things going for you that I can see: you are still young and you have a loving husband. You will move on and be happy.
  
  There are those that are older than you and have wasted many years there who have moved on.
  
  LHG
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  Nathan Natas

  Hi Catfish (& Mr. Catfish!)

  It's good to have you in the 'hood. Welcome!
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  mkr32208

  Howdy catfish! Keep your head up (or down as the case may be... Do fish keep their heads up or down?) Anyway you may be surprised as to how this plays out in the long run! Sometimes you leaving will help family to see that it's ok for them to do the same! You may have a few brothers and sisters joining you before long!

  Even if that doesn't happen be happy! You'll be angry, hurt, depressed etc over the next few months but always try to look on the bright side and be happy! Go to college! It's a lot of fun! Have kids, they are even MORE fun! Live your life like there is no tomorrow!

  Cherish your friends and hold no grudges, that's the best way to live...
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  lost1recovered

  Dear Catfish,

  I too have been lurking about for a while. I also have lost all my family because I chose not to be a JW. I was never baptized, but I was told that I was on drugs, and just caught up in the world. I ahve been so lonely. It's hard not having a mother to turn to. I have been very ill and no one knows. I called my mother in Nov. and she told me that she does not have a daughter and to never call her again. The saddest part is that she is missing out on her grandchildren. My parents have lied to me so much it's sad. I found out that my dad was not my biological father, and when I asked questions I was told it was no of my business. I don't know what to do. I pray that somehow, someway thaey will come out.

  So I completely understand what you are feeling. I have been in therapy. The need to feel loved and worthy is diffulct for me. Please do not be afraid to seek help if you need it.
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  Morocco

  Hey catfish, I may have teared up a little when reading the parts about everything being a lie beause I understand. It cuts me to the bone sometimes to see my other family members, esp. my mother, still clinging to such an empty device. Sometimes I lay awake at night and cry because of the cold-hearted control imposed upon people who don't know any better. To have the ability to turn love into hate, and use it, sickens me. I take comfort in the hope that one day the leaders of this deception will reap the poison they have planted for so many years. I know what its like to not have a real family and when I read accounts like yours it hurts me because our loss is common. I can only speak for myself, but it is times like these where I learn what leaning on God is all about and how, whoever "He" may be, he does become a father to the fatherless. Grey skies will clear up yes? Always cling to hope and love.
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  jgnat

  lost1recovered, you sound like a lovely soul. How old are your children?
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  Dismembered

  Greetings PS a.k.a Catfish,

  I like your no bullshit attitude. Welcome to JWD

  Dismembered
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  calamityjane

  Welcome Catfish, nice to have you aboard.

  I too have the same anger, although its suppressed most of the time. Its frustrating to us when we finally see the light that our family can't see it too, they've got her heads so far at their arses they can't see what we see the organization to be, is total bs. Once your anger subsides somewhat, you won't miss your biological family as you will have made new friendships and bonds with others, that will fill that void. Believe me, I lived it.

  Calamity Jane a.k.a Denise