message from God

by why144000 32 Replies latest social humour

  • why144000
    why144000

    Please post responses to [email protected]

    I have been silent for nearly 2000 years but it is time to set the record straight. I am tired of people using my name to justify killing one another. For my son’s sake, if I wanted people destroyed I am quite capable of doing it myself. Look at the first chapters of my only best seller to confirm that. There was climate change in the days of Noah but no water shortage. Please, stop going around giving me a bad name by blowing each other up or invading counties and saying you are doing my will.

  • misspeaches
    misspeaches

    God...? Is that really you? What are you doing in Queensland?

  • stillajwexelder
    stillajwexelder

    If shit happens it must be the will of Allah

  • why144000
    why144000

    Sorry, my admin assistant screwed up. I had to hurl him down from heaven.

    I have been silent for nearly 2000 years but it is time to set the record straight. I am tired of people using my name to justify killing one another. For my son’s sake, if I wanted people destroyed I am quite capable of doing it myself. Look at the first chapters of my only best seller to confirm that. There was climate change in the days of Noah but no water shortage. Please, stop going around giving me a bad name by blowing each other up or invading counties and saying you are doing my will.

  • misspeaches
    misspeaches

    Sounds like you have a rogue angel (admin assistant there) I thought that Jesus was meant to throw them out of heaven back in 1914?

    Here's a hint for the Admin... If he is copying and pasting from word tell him to copy and paste into notepad and then into here...

  • why144000
    why144000

    Third time lucky! I am on holiday on the Gold Coast. Here is my full message

    I have been silent for nearly 2000 years but it is time to set the record straight. I am tired of people using my
    name to justify killing one another. For my son’s sake, if I wanted people destroyed I am quite capable of doing it myself. Look at the first chapters of my only best seller to confirm that. There was climate change in the days of Noah but no water shortage. Please, stop going around giving me a bad name by blowing each other up or invading counties and saying you are doing my will.

    This leads me to another thing that is getting under my skin (in a figurative sense). I don’t take sides in sporting events. For St Peter’s sake I have a universe to run, do you think I have time to make sure your team wins? Thanking me when you win only makes me look biased. Same goes for survivors of accidents. Saying I was looking after you means I did not care about the other less fortunate ones. So much for a God who cares for everyone! Also, when someone dies don’t say I needed another angel in heaven. If you believe I created the universe don’t you think that, if I needed another angel, I couldn’t just make one?

    Lastly, those of you who go around saying the end of the world is near or deliverance is near, give me a break. I sent my son down to talk with you a long time ago and he made it clear that the end would come as a ‘thief in the night’. By definition that means you don’t know when the end will come. Please stop second guessing me. I have noticed that religions are getting very rich using my name amassing huge real estate portfolios. How about selling some of your assets and help the poor around the world? Remember, when I do come to judge you it will be for your actions not your assets.

    I hope this short message does the trick and you stop killing and start loving. You don’t want me to come down there!

  • OUTLAW
    OUTLAW

    Wow!..This is incredible!!..Usually,God only talks to me after 6 beer..LOL!!...OUTLAW

  • misspeaches
    misspeaches
    I have noticed that religions are getting very rich using my name amassing huge real estate portfolios. How about selling some of your assets and help the poor around the world

    Hmmm here's an interesting point. I've been trying to save up to buy a house. Might be better off to start off a new religon and get my very own huge real estate portfolio. THANKS GOD!

  • chuckie77
    chuckie77

    Hey God... Does it shit you when people thank you when they win oscars and logies and stuff or are you looking out for those famous people more than us plebs?

  • misspeaches
    misspeaches

    Hey God... Why do you give some people talent AND good looks? Surely they should just have one or the other. Please make all the beautiful people untalented and all the talented people unattractive. Share it around some more.

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