A pioneer "sister" sent me this one.

watson

You may want to SAVE this along with your favorite Kingdom Ministry
issues. Feel free to cut and paste into your Reasoning book.

1.) 'I'M NOT INTERESTED'
You might say:
"Well, many feel the same way, and they're called goats in the Bible.
Let me share with you a scripture that talks about the fate of those
goats. (Read Matt. 25:46) Do you want to get cut off? Do you WANT to
take a dirt nap for eternity?!"

2.) 'I HAVE MY OWN RELIGION'
You might say:
Well whoop dee doo! "Yeah, and I have MY own religion too. Its called
the "TRUTH!" See I'm what you call a"Christian" (Make the double
quotation gesture with your fingers.) You know what "Christians" do?
They preach to people. Those that don't preach to people are on that
"broad and spacious road." Here let me show you in Matt 7:13.

3.) 'I'M TOO BUSY'
You might say:
"No you're not. You were probably watching TV or kicking back right?
Don't lie to me. Do you know who the father of the lie is? It's Satan!
Here, let me read to you John 8:44. Is he your daddy? I think so!"

4.) 'I'LL READ YOUR LITERATURE IF YOU'LL READ MINE'
You might say:
Hey, this isn't a hostage negotiation here. I'm not going to read your
literature! I came here to preach to YOU remember?........... Now, if
you want to preach to ME, you'll have to get up off YOUR lazy behind,
and come knock on MY door on a Saturday morning. But don't bother
because I'm NOT INTERESTED in your beliefs, because I HAVE MY OWN
RELIGION, and I'M TOO BUSY in the work of the Lord to
READ-YOUR-LITERATURE-IF-YOU'LL-READ-MINE, JUNK! Then slam THEIR own door.

daniel-p

I wish one of them would come to my door and say that. I don't think they would be going out in service for a little while after that....

karen96

I would have loved to use those in FS!

Karen

Dismembered

yeah use those antagonistic replies and see how long you'd last. Up here in the great north woods, you'd get a 2 x 4 across your squash

Dismembered

watson

It's some of that dark humor that helps them deal with the abuse they continue to take at the door for the "ministry." Real sad.

fullofdoubtnow

Obviously, they don't say that on the doors, but it's probably what a lot of them think.

daniel-p

.) 'I'M NOT INTERESTED'

You might say:

"Well, many feel the same way, and they're called goats in the Bible.

Let me share with you a scripture that talks about the fate of those

goats. (Read Matt. 25:46) Do you want to get cut off? Do you WANT to

take a dirt nap for eternity?!"

Answer: Listen, biatch. When I said I wasn't interested I was trying to be nice. What I mean by "not interested" is get the %$^# off my porch, get your fat ass back in your Buick and do the 'pioneer shuffle' some where else. Yeah, that's right, I know what you do all day long: gossiping about others in the congregation, empathizing with your pioneer partner's lack of sex from her husband, talking about the wondrous glories of that latest miracle cure that looks exactly like water and comes in a little green bottle, etc. Oh, watch out, don't let your huge thighs brush up against that fresh paint on the porch, wanna look good for that next call to the mentally handicapped person you call your "Bible study."

watson

Oh, watch out, don't let your huge thighs brush up against that fresh paint on the porch, wanna look good for that next call to the mentally handicapped person you call your "Bible study."

LOL

daniel-p

2.) 'I HAVE MY OWN RELIGION'

You might say:

Well whoop dee doo! "Yeah, and I have MY own religion too. Its called

the "TRUTH!" See I'm what you call a"Christian" (Make the double

quotation gesture with your fingers.) You know what "Christians" do?

They preach to people. Those that don't preach to people are on that

"broad and spacious road." Here let me show you in Matt 7:13.

Answer: OK, when I said I have my own religion I really meant that I am an agnostic who neither believes in the need for a "saviour," nor the power of an angry war-god to wipe me off the face of the earth. Aparntly, you're the type of Christian who only preaches to those who have been preached to before. Why don't you go to Africa or Asia and try to convert someone who hasn't been "preached" to? Oh, it's because you only try to do as much as you can within the carefully limited boundaries of your Western lifestyle? Well why don't you get back out on that "broad and spacious road" I call my driveway. Here, I'll just roll you on your side because I do believe your thigh-to-head ratio has reached maximum utility for driving around town aimlessly, making pitstops at bathrooms where most of your magazine placements are. You know what "Christians" do? They get the $%^# off my property!

katiekitten

he he Well I think those are real funny.

Thats one sister with a sense of humour. Fair play.

A pioneer "sister" sent me this one.

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