How do you get over a crush? (page 3)

Dansk

So many relationship ups and downs at the moment, as evidenced here and in other threads. There are many lonely people out there!

I'm truly sorry when anyone's relationship breaks down - I've had a few myself; some I've even caused, but if there's nothing there for one of the partners he/she has to be honest rather than dragging it out and potentially causing more pain later.

At the time a relationship is breaking up it IS heart-wrenchingly painful and it is thought this is my only Mr. Right/Mrs.Right! But go forward a few years and I bet there are many people here who, could they see their old love now, they'd say what on earth was I going crazy about!

Right now you'll feel like garbage and probably inconsolable - but, as others have stated, keeping yourself busy and going places will help greatly in healing the wounds.

You WILL find love again - and it could well be forever!

Best wishes,

Ian

whyamihere

Beautifully written Ian, couldn't have said it better myself..... Crushes suck, and that's why its called a "Crush" - quote from my best friend Bri! You'll get over it, trust me. In the end you will look back and say to yourself "What the hell was I thinking?"

tijkmo

marry him

minimus

THAT'S THE BEST RESPONSE YET! Marry him.

katiekitten

Get dressed in pretty clothes and go shopping and flirt with every cute guy you see.

Flirt like theres no tomorrow!

Look at all the couples and see how unhappy and trapped they look. The women are scared shitless that their men are checking out a better model, the men are bored and listless. You are no longer stuck in that misery trap, and its liberating.

When I split up with my husband I could suddenly see really clearly that every married man I met would have hit on me given half a chance, and I felt so sorry for their parters, because i could see their fear of 'single women'. It made me feel so strong that I wasnt cowed in that situation.

Redefine yourself as a strong single woman, a free moral agent. Tied to no man. Walk down the street like you think youre the bees knees, and people will start checking you out.

(apologies to all the loving commited couples who are not as described above.)

Dansk

apologies to all the loving commited couples who are not as described above

PHEW!

Ian

serendipity

Hi lonelysheep,

One of the hardest crushes I had to get over was a guy I worked with and who sat across the aisle from me. It was a tough situation.

In addition to trying to keep my mind busy, I found someone else to flirt with. I also reframed the situation and viewed the crush as competition for my job.

I also did as megadude suggested, and concentrated on the crush's negative traits. But I also counted the ways that a long-term relationship/marriage wouldn't work because of different values and the fact he wasn't fond of kids (and I had one and wanted another one at that time.)

I also started journaling. The act of writing things down repeatedly helped me to cope better.

okie46

Lonely Sheep...one more thing, if it is a crush at work... and he does not feel the same way, what worked for me was posting a little sign over my computer monitor "He's just not that into you". That way I could look at it and remember not to make a fool of myself everytime I thought about emailing him or going by his office to flirt with him.

Sparkplug

So many relationship ups and downs at the moment, as evidenced here and in other threads. There are many lonely people out there!
I'm truly sorry when anyone's relationship breaks down - I've had a few myself; some I've even caused, but if there's nothing there for one of the partners he/she has to be honest rather than dragging it out and potentially causing more pain later.
At the time a relationship is breaking up it IS heart-wrenchingly painful and it is thought this is my only Mr. Right/Mrs.Right! But go forward a few years and I bet there are many people here who, could they see their old love now, they'd say what on earth was I going crazy about!
Right now you'll feel like garbage and probably inconsolable - but, as others have stated, keeping yourself busy and going places will help greatly in healing the wounds.
You WILL find love again - and it could well be forever!
Best wishes,
Ian

I agree and you stated it all so well Ian. I know that would have helped me not loose my mind being one of those people on the other threads. lol And lonely sheep, maybe if you have not told this person...you should. you never know. Even if a person is a self claimed obstainer from relationships...you at least will not have to sit and kick yourself thinking you have never tried. I know. I recently poured my heart out. made a complete boob out of myself and you know what. I am alive and even if painful, i cannot wash it from my mind how one sided it all was and that alone helps me get over that love. Sometimes just having a straight answer helps.

Twitch

A bit hesitant as this does seem like unfamiliar territory and I am merely male,....

However, a couple observations and perhaps a point if I may. To me, a crush is an unrequited, one sided infatuation that is not really rooted on who a person is but more on who they're idealized as in the mind of the "crusher". The "crushee" may or may not be oblivious to it but it seems to be more about putting someone on a pedastal as opposed to a mutual expression of interest, or at least involvement. Personally I use the the word "thing" but your mileage may vary.

The general consensus here seems to be that a crush is a bad thing that must be denied and forgotten about as if it were a bad relationship. It isn't even that (at least from what I've gathered) and in reality, nothing bad has been said about the "crushee" here in particular. Why deny an obvious attraction? Do we pick the ones that attract us? Is a power thing? Is it fear of vulnerability? In reality, i have no idea what the crush thing is like for women but I guesstimate I may be close to it if I take my "worst" infatuation and crank it up a few notches. I can think of a few "crushees" that I've known where I was just too scared to risk and I look back and think damn, i'll never know what that could've been. Not a regret per se but rather contemplative reflection. Anyways, my point here is that now, I take the chance and find out. No only lasts a few hours and then it's gone and you feel rather free afterwards. Yes is infinitely more complicated and also possibly just as rewarding. The not knowing is the worst part for me.

That all being said, the real bummer here is that the object of affection is a coworker. Bad news right there, or at least that's been my experience and one I learned from. I wouldn't say don't go for it but just be aware of what the fallout might be. It could be costly and not just emotionally.

The only thing I could offer as advice is to not do anything impulsive, take it day by day and listen to your friends. Lots of advice worth more than I would ever know,....:-)

Just my two cents

How do you get over a crush?

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