Need marital advice

by lost_light06 70 Replies latest jw friends

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  kerj2leev

  Crumpet..... don't give people too much credit, even in your own words you say this is a "warning".....about what? Is it a warning or friendly emails? Have you been through such an experience? I have and did try to give "the benefit of the dout", didn't work. Those of us who have had this experience may be a bit more cynical, but we know chapter and verse about the signs of cheating or things that will lead to it.

  In talking to my therapist within 5 minutes she knew what was going on in my situation, not wanting to believe her I didn't take her advise, but in the end she nailed it. Same with my Attorney they see this stuff everyday its the same story chapter and verse, just a different name.
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  Crumpet

  Kerj2leev - I haven't been on the receiving end of a planned cheating so perhaps I am being too generous as you say. However from experience I arrange to meet lots of males by email - some of whom I've met via the internet or work. I'm not up to anything sneaky - I just fancy company for a drink and connecting with kindred souls. I dont particularly hide this from my partner - if he wants to know he can ask and I'll tell him.
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  Mulan

  I didn't read all the posts so someone may have said something like this before.

  A number of years ago, my husband figured out my password and accessed my private journal in a password protected computer program, while I was away on a business trip. He was curious about what I was writing about. I wrote lots of things, my thoughts, my perceptions and things I was dealing with, after leaving the JW's. Writing things down helped me to cope with what we were all going through. Well, he called me where I was and confronted me about some of my private thoughts. I was so embarrassed, enraged and outraged, that it took me months to get over it. It damaged our marriage for a long time.

  To me, married people are entitled to privacy. I wouldn't let her know you got into her myspace account. If you want to confront her, try to do it through the back door, and get her to tell you about it.

  Just my 2 cents.
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  Crumpet

  You see I have no objection - in fact I'd welcome Mr C checking out my diary! I don't write anything down that I would feel necessary to keep private from him, including everything I say here.
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  Mulan

  I don't write anything down that I would feel necessary to keep private from him, including everything I say here.

  It's a matter of trust and respect. If I had wanted him to see it, I wouldn't have it in a password program. Sometimes you do have private thoughts. I was 50 at the time and you are still quite young. I had been married more than 30 years, not just a few years.

  Give yourself time and you may desire a bit of privacy too.
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  kerj2leev

  Crumpet

  So are you saying your partner doesn't know that you do this? What reaction do you think he or she would have?Are you in a marriage?

  The facts show most people are not going to be able to handle monogamy (60% of men and 40% of women cheat CNN "Infidelity") I'm not saying you can't have friends of the oppisite sex, but when in a commited relationship you have to be careful. When you introduce alcohol into the mix even more so.
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  Twitch

  Just an afterthought to my earlier post.
  What you found and what I found are different. What I found left no question; what you've found is suspect at best but not "evidence" of anything. But I do agree with the opinion of talking to her 'bout it.
  I was not in a marriage with kids. I could walk away fairly easily without familial or financial ramifications.
  I did feel guilty about prying into my ex's email and I did apologive for it. It was an intrusion. She actually didn't seem to have issue with that fact though,...
  
  
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  Crumpet

  So are you saying your partner doesn't know that you do this? What reaction do you think he or she would have?Are you in a marriage?

  My partner knows - he's often in the same room. I had male friends before I met him - I'm not gonna dump them or close myself off to new friendships with men or women.

  Am I in a marriage? No I am in an 8 and a half year relationship, which is coming to a natural end and I am moving out. I am not interested in anyone else and no intentions of starting a new relationship. And I am hoping that this break will be temporary and that in a few months having recaptured some of the excitement and willing ness to compromise that we had in the early days we can get get back together again.
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  diamondblue1974

  I have to say I am with Wing Commander on this one...I would gather the evidence and then decide what action to take; if she is cheating (and I have to say that she may not be) then you need to decide on how you feel about that and what action to take.

  DB74
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  kerj2leev

  Crumpets

  I hope things work out for you guys!! I'm just a grumpy, old and bitter!!