OLD AGE - SOMETHING JWs BETTER GET USED TO!

by Dansk 18 Replies latest social humour

• 

  Dansk

  Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think
  is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied,
  "No peer pressure."
  
  The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter
  eggs.
  
  
  I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
  replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes, I'm half blind,
  can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications
  that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts, have bouts with
  dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
  Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thankfully, I
  still have my driver's licence.
  
  
  I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
  doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided
  to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up
  and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on,
  the class was over.
  
  
  An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher
  she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
  she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher
  exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a
  week."
  
  
  My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as
  sharp as it used to be.
  
  
  Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
  
  
  It's scary when you start making the same noises as your
  coffeemaker.
  
  
  These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast
  relief."
  
  
  Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old
  because you stop laughing.
  
  
  
  
  I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the
  eyesight to tell the difference.
  
  
  Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
  elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two
  years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She
  responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
  
  
  Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10
  others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who
  they are!

  Ian
• 

  DannyHaszard

  OLD AGE - SOMETHING JWs BETTER GET USED TO!

  Roger that big time they are in deep deep bleep over it
• 

  fullofdoubtnow

  OLD AGE - SOMETHING JWs BETTER GET USED TO!

  It's not an experience most of them expected, but you're right, they are going to have to adjust to it.
• 

  JH

  Old age and poverty and depression is on their menu.
• 

  Gill

  Very funny read. Actually, it's something I've been getting my head around (by 105 you have to really).

  I'm surprised to find that after the first trauma of being hit by, 'it's all a lie, I am going to grow old and die!' it only took a year to get my head round that scenario and now I'm pretty cool about it.

  My JW parents however!!! Now that's another story altogether! They have not even begun to accept that they are getting old and will die. My father tries to make my mother call an emergency ambulance every time he gets a tummy ache. She has begun to refuse after several call outs and a good roasting from the last paramedics that came round. I think his stupid behaviour is due to the fact that he's about to hit 70, is obviously getting old and has suddenly realised that he is not special!

  For 'God's sake, dad, get a grip!!' is what I'd like to say. But, I'm afraid, it's too late for that.
• 

  Dansk

  An old lady was taken into an old folk's home by her daughter and son-in-law. The old lady, of course, didn't want to go but said she'd give it a try. The daughter and son-in-law had her settled in and then went home.

  In the afternoon the old lady was put in a chair in a large sitting room with other old folk. Because she was new the nursing staff paid particular attention to her. Suddenly, it was noticed that she started to lean to the left so all the staff rushed to her and straightened her up. 10 minutes later the old lady leant to the left and the staff rushed to her once again to straighten her up. This went on throughout the day.

  The next day the old lady's daughter and son-in-law came to visit and the daughter asked her mother if everything was ok.

  "No it is not!", exclaimed the old lady.

  "Why ever not?", enquired her daughter.

  "Because they don't even allow you to fart!" said the old lady

  Ian
• 

  Gill
• 

  fullofdoubtnow

  lol Ian, another good one.
• 

  OUTLAW

  Good thread Ian..I`m laughing..Did you know when a dub dies he`s resurrected in 1975?..He then lives his life out till his original date of death,dies again and is resurrected again in 1975..Thier in the loop forever!..LOL!!...OUTLAW
• 

  garybuss

  We never actually meant you would "physically" live forever. We meant the millions who would never die would never die in God's memory. Sorry if there was some misunderstanding.